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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Golf bag that is in the way (not put away after being used over a week ago)

60 replies

whydoiletthishappen · 27/09/2017 18:12

DH has left golf bag on trolley in our narrow hallway because he is being passive aggressive/lazy shit.

He played golf approx 10 days ago. Said golf bag must have been in boot of his car then it appeared in hall. Has remained there ever since. It must have been 8 days now. AIBU to aim it in the bin?AIBU to re-position it outside in garden?AIBU to expect him not to deliberately wind me up with this behaviour? That is a lot of AIBUs. Perhaps he is thinking of playing golf this weekend? Perhaps he might be intending on playing regularly now instead of the once of twice a years that has been the 'norm' for the last 12 months.

We have a shed and garage. We have a spare bedroom and a loft.

OP posts:
N0tNowBernard · 27/09/2017 18:49

TheMaster

Grin
DixieNormas · 27/09/2017 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhBeggerItsMorning · 27/09/2017 19:49

I recommend you try asking him to sort the things he leaves lying around out - golf stuff stored, dishes washed etc. first.

If this doesn't work try putting everything he leaves lying around, including his golf bag, on his side of the bed, therefore when he goes to bed it has to be moved by him. Make sure you are in bed before him so he can't just push it to your side. If he gets the message and puts it away then good, if it gets dumped on the floor you can just return it to the bed tomorrow. If you don't want to fill the bed with this stuff then maybe everything can go on the drivers seat of his car? (Or other suitable, inconvenient for him, place - you know best where will inconvenience him most.)

If he reacts badly to this you can explain that he left these things in inconvenient places, inconvenient for you (and any visitors you might have had), now he can start to be inconvenienced and try to understand what you have to put up with.

EastMidsMummy · 27/09/2017 20:27

Do a shit in it.

TroubledTribble28 · 27/09/2017 20:36

Whydoi Did/do your husbands parents have a relaxed attitude to putting stuff away? My husbands parents do, if shopping comes home it is placed on the table in bags and will be left there. The items inside might be put in specific places ie cheese in fridge but non perishables and piles of ironing and post will be left sort of wherever they fancy. Is this the case with your husband? Mine doesnt mean to be a lazy fucker he just genuinely doesn't see chaotic living as a problem Confused

Dollyollie · 27/09/2017 21:27

I had something similar with bags of DP cds/dvds/various music paraphernalia on the stairs... 3 weeks I was asking him to move it and put it in the cabinet with shelves I'd saved for it (4 bin bags full, definitely inconvenient) so I said if it wasn't moved it was going outside the back door. Did he listen and take heed of the warnings? No. Did his stuff end up outside? Yes. It was out there weeks in rain vile weather etc. He learned I'm a bitch that sticks to her word that day... he still moans about it now!

justilou1 · 28/09/2017 00:38

Used cups and mugs, etc go into golf bag. Golf bag back into his car.

shakingmyhead1 · 28/09/2017 04:19

i know im going out on a limb here and being totally unreasonable but..... how about just saying "oi dickhead/honey/asshole etc move this shit/plate/golfbag/etc now/please or i will :)" and if you have to move it open the front door pick up said item and smile at him and throw it out the door and then close the door and say "its ok i did it :)" both ways get it moved and you most likely only have to do it once

Shoxfordian · 28/09/2017 05:36

Sounds like this is about more than a golf bag....

Original poster
whydoiletthishappen · 28/09/2017 10:58

UPDATE: Golf Bag still 'in location'. 'Has not moved'.Worried it may be rabbit stuck in headlights. Does Golf Bag have feelings? Is Golf Bag sad?

Golf Bag usually lives in loft. Writer cannot get Golf Bag and herself into loft. Writer could ask Dad but does not want to ask him or get him involved as makes H look bad to writer's Dad.

If writer moves Golf Bag into garden as she had thought about doing last night it would be drenched as it rained a lot last night and this morning. Golf Bag is probably intended to get wet as Golfers DO play rounds of golf in rainy weather. Maybe Golf Bag would like life in garden? Hmm

OP posts:
Santawontbelong · 28/09/2017 11:02

Put it under the duvet on his side of the bed today!

blueskyinmarch · 28/09/2017 11:05

Put it in the garden with a black bin liner over the top then forget about it. It has no feelings, don't feel sorry for it.

Nikephorus · 28/09/2017 11:12

Sod the golf bag, I think you need marriage guidance counselling sessions to sort out your weird relationship! Are people these days just not capable of having normal conversations with people they live with? Surely it should just be:
OP: "Can you stick your golf bag somewhere a bit less awkward please?"
OH: "Yes, no problem"
Bag gets moved. Not:
OP: comes on MN
OH: refuses to interact
MN: Hmm Confused

Goldfishshoals · 28/09/2017 11:16

Why don't you just be an adult about it and put it away.

If you start running around someone doing basic chores like putting everything they get out away for them the only 'adult' you become is their mother.

Most women don't want a mother-child relationship with their perfectly capable adult partner.

RatherBeRiding · 28/09/2017 11:27

I know you say he's "not talking to you" at the moment, but have you actually asked him to put it away? Of course you shouldn't have to, but it's in your way, he's being a twat and the whole thing is becoming a mountain when it should be a mole-hill.

Just ask him nicely to move it. But now - not at some indefinite time in the future which will mean never.

apostropheuse · 28/09/2017 11:50

The golf bag is the least of your worries. You're married to someone who sulks and won't speak to you, leaves dirty crockery on the floor and a golf bag in the hall with the sole intention of winding you up. He obviously has no respect for you and you're hiding his behaviour from others (i.e. your dad) because you don't want him to look bad. He's emotionally abusive.

I was married to one similar to him for 17 years before I realised he was an arse who was never going to change and I divorced him. He was shocked ss I had forgiven so much over the years. The mood in the house changed immediately and I have never regretted it.

Don't put ip with this -life's too short.

kaytee87 · 28/09/2017 11:56

Oh god I'd either just put it away myself or ask my husband to. But then there's a lot more to this than a golf bag. Ask him why he's left it there.

Original poster
whydoiletthishappen · 28/09/2017 12:11

Last night i went to exercise class, got home cooked my dinner ( house quiet and unoccupied), washed up my stuff watched TV whilst doing washing up and feeding pets and unloading clean laundry from machine and hanging up to dry upstairs as usual.
He came home at 10pm. I surmise he must have been visiting his friend or his Mum. I was getting ready to go to bed to read for a while and I just did not want to start a row so I got ready for bed and read my book. My alarm went off this morning and he'd already out to work.
I intend phoning our mortgage lender to ask for application form to transfer the mortgage and some extra borrowing in his sole name,. If he wants the house he can buy me out.

I'm done.

OP posts:
GeekyWombat · 28/09/2017 18:52

Have you actually spoken to him about this? Or the golf bag?

Ttbb · 28/09/2017 18:54

Laying across the hallway for him to trip over each time you leave the house. I would have sold it by now in your position, you must have the patience of a saint.

AprilLady4 · 28/09/2017 19:24
Flowers
LakieLady · 28/09/2017 19:34

Put it outside somewhere and grow some Russian vine up it.

My mate did this to her husband's bike. It made an attractive garden feature after 4 months or so.

JustGettingStarted · 28/09/2017 19:38

I thought of Everybody Loves Raymond, too!

Original poster
whydoiletthishappen · 28/09/2017 21:37

It's still there.

I haven't hung anything off it. I'd rather he know it doesn't get to me. I can live with it there. I might add the hoover to the mix though. Then he'll have to walk round that. But probably I won't actually do it. Tk or town night I'm going to go out shopping late night shopping centre and Saturday night my parents and friends have a spare ticket to a show at a l9cal theatre. I've been given the ticket so I've been planning what to wear. I'm also facing a wardrobe tidy up clear out tonight. Radio on. Songs playing.

I'll event paint my nails as I did the washing up last night.

Tomorrow night I can eat at the shopping centre.

I always do let mum know when I go out on a Friday night til latish. I know she'did worry otherwise.

OP posts:
MrsCrabbyTree · 28/09/2017 23:45

Voice of experience here Grin

My exH contacted me recently wanting to pick up his golf clubs. We have been divorced for over 20 years. I did keep them for years and years until I moved out of that house and have since moved three times. He was not impressed that I didn't still have them. CF!!

So, make sure he takes them or you may be storing his clubs forever.