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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unwanted baby clothes

62 replies

Justanothernameonthepage · 27/09/2017 15:22

We're lucky enough to have some very generous friends and family. We had DD earlier this year and When asked, we would say we preferred gender neutral bits and bright colours. Some people bought some amazing bits and some bought items we would never use and were really impractical for a newborn. At least one person announced they didn't believe in gender neutral and bought really unusable items. (Fair enough if they want to waste their money).
A couple of the least worst outfits were used for a couple of minutes and photographed as thank yous but most were donated or exchanged. (Annoyingly, nearly all were given with no gift receipt and as I wasn't able to get to the shop til after sales ended I exchanged £80 worth for a single bodysuit). We kept some girly bits as emergency outfits, but tend to use DS old bits as they are much better designed for a baby.
A friend just found out I did this and got upset (didn't mean for her to find out, but she insisted on hunting for all the 'lovely girly dresses' DD doesn't wear when I was changing a nappy)

AIBU? I thought exchanging meant the person's money went towards something needed and that would be used so is better than just storing things and then having to buy useable bits.
Or should I have stored dresses, knowing that I'd never use them when they could have made another mum really happy?

OP posts:
RuggerHug · 27/09/2017 15:25

Yanbu.I donated a few bits I got for DS from MIL that I knew would never be on him as someone else might like them. They didn't cost her much at all sale tags still on so no guilt here.

ineedadream · 27/09/2017 15:34

YANBU. By DC2 I did the same after my DD had worn huge amounts of thugs I didn't like as I felt bad returning them.

ineedadream · 27/09/2017 15:34

*things.

2014newme · 27/09/2017 15:37

I would have said she'd grown out if them not that I returned them. I can see why she was upset

Hatstand · 27/09/2017 15:42

YANBU

ijustwannadance · 27/09/2017 15:45

My DD was born in winter and one relative bought her 3 summer/party dresses in 0-3 months from mothercare. £12-15 each!

Had no receipt but thankfully managed to swap them for 6-9 months so buyer never knew. She maybe wore them once each. Pointless.

Someone else bought her a pink frilly Sarah Louise dress that cost ££££. It was hideous and such a waste of money.

I'm sure there will be those who come on and say smile , nod and be grateful but why do people do it?! Even worse when they are people who know you/your taste/the correct season!

Original poster
Justanothernameonthepage · 27/09/2017 15:46

2014- my DF bought my DD a book so no clothes that I sneaked out ! But she was there when an aunt dropped round a mini mountain of dresses so knew there should be some frilly drag in there. She just feels I am ungrateful for not using everything bought. Even though I thanked everyone who thought of us, I should have also dressed DD in everything at least once.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justanothernameonthepage · 27/09/2017 15:47

Ijustwanna- I was hoping to exchange, but as it was previous season stock mostly, they were awkward about it. The shops that let me though, have a customer for life.

OP posts:
KatharinaRosalie · 27/09/2017 15:48

YANBU. Especially if you specifically requested that you would not be given the 'lovely girly dresses'

Original poster
Justanothernameonthepage · 27/09/2017 15:49

Thanks for the reassurance everyone - it was one of those moments where you wonder if you commited a major etiquette error

OP posts:
Original poster
Justanothernameonthepage · 27/09/2017 15:50

Ineedadream, buying a baby thugs sounds great (picturing Godfather babyshower)

OP posts:
Afternooncatnap · 27/09/2017 15:51

Why are dresses not suitable for your baby? You know the baby doesn't know what it's wearing, or care.

It's free stuff at the end of the day. Just be grateful people care about you and your child enough to buy you gifts. They won't fit baby for long anyway so just use them and then buy stuff you like when baby moves a size up.

Original poster
Justanothernameonthepage · 27/09/2017 15:58

Afternoon. Because baby is learning to move limbs, and masses of extra fabric impede movement. I also don't want to have to dry clean anything, unbutton fastenings covered in sick (instead of poppers) or cut out scratchy net underskirts that rub baby skin raw. I want her to be free to crawl and then choose the impractical stuff when she can enjoy it, not treat her like a dress up doll.

OP posts:
Smartiepants87 · 27/09/2017 16:05

I don't get this gender neutral stuff either what is so bad about a girl wearing dresses. My dd always wore dresses and still do and it hasn't hindered her freedom moving when she was a baby. If anything she moved too much was into everything 😂

Original poster
Justanothernameonthepage · 27/09/2017 16:06

It really surprised me how different baby clothes can be. My DS at the same age, had items designed to survive, be removed quickly when needed and be comfortable. My DD was bought thin dresses with buttons on the back (I wouldn't lie on a row of buttons so don't expect her to), dry clean mohair cardigan, dresses with cut outs, dresses with sequin appliques on the chest (where she likes to put her arms when being held) and a couple of bits that looked as though dame Edna refused as being 'too much'. I am grateful and did thank everyone in case people think I didn't.

OP posts:
Summer23 · 27/09/2017 16:08

I can also see why your friend would be upset. I agree with your point re frilly outfits being totally impractical for newborns, however, are you talking about anything remotely pink or girly? If someone spends time choosing something for your child, it's their choice what they buy and I would try to use it. I don't agree with returning £80 worth of clothes in exchange for 1
bodysuit. Could you not have passed the clothes on to someone else who could use them?

Original poster
Justanothernameonthepage · 27/09/2017 16:09

Smarties, my DS and Dneice are same age. Her skirts definitely got in the way. They'd catch on trees/corners and people would tell her to be careful with her pretty dress. She quickly got the message that her job was to keep her clothes clean.

OP posts:
Amatree · 27/09/2017 16:09

There's a big difference between say a cotton tunic dress over leggings and a massive puffy satin thing with scratchy underskirts. Totally understand why no sane person would subject a poor delicate newborn's skin to the latter (quite aside from the fact that they look hideous).

Summer23 · 27/09/2017 16:12

Ah ok, in the case of dry clean only baby outfits or any with sequins (my goodness) I would probably explain to the gift giver and ask for the receipt. Total waste of money.

Original poster
Justanothernameonthepage · 27/09/2017 16:12

Summer- I was expecting to exchange them for other items. By the time I got there with a baby and toddler, I figured I may as well get something usable.
Some of the pink and practical stuff has been kept as back up clothing, but gets mixed in with the funky bits and hand me downs to avoid the pepto bismal effect

OP posts:
Mermaid36 · 27/09/2017 16:13

My 17 month old twins don't really wear dresses - they are very impractical for crawling in and they often trip themselves up on them.
We have brightly coloured dungarees, leggings, joggers etc with t-shirts and tunic tops. Much more practical for playing in!

BewareOfDragons · 27/09/2017 16:14

You did nothing wrong, OP.

If someone spends time choosing something for your child, it's their choice what they buy and I would try to use it. I don't agree with returning £80 worth of clothes in exchange for 1
bodysuit.

hahahahahaha Please tell me you're kidding Summer23. It may be a person's right to choose what to buy, but they have no right to be miffed if the person receiving the gift doesn't like it or finds it isn't sensible, especially when they were specifically asked NOT to get something. And it's none of anyone's business what someone does with a gift once received. It's theirs to do with what they like ... whether you 'agree' or not. Ridiculous side of the hill to die on.

Original poster
Justanothernameonthepage · 27/09/2017 16:15

I honestly think there is a baby shop in London, filled with designs by someone who's never even seen a baby in real life - let alone one who can erupt with 2 bodily fluids at the same time ,😀

OP posts:
DrPill · 27/09/2017 16:18

I never understand why everyone buys clothes for babies. I know that tiny things are cute, but I always feel it's up the parents to decide how their children are dressed. We don't all buy clothes for older children or adults. And how many party dresses do babies actually need?

WorldofTofuness · 27/09/2017 16:20

Sometimes I'm grateful not to have many friends, and to have pretty hands-off relatives as far as DD goes Grin

I made a point of sending clothes-senders a pic of DD wearing their outfit when thanking, but fortunately most people were pretty sensible in their choices (and tended to shop at places like Boots and Sainsbo's, which reduces the scope for Justanother's 16.06hrs scenarios).

I suppose the compromise is to keep the dresses until your DD is too big, then give them to charity/sell as 'nearly new'. Someone else is still getting the ?benefit of them, it's just you that misses out on getting their full value for something you do want. Unless I was actually relying on others to ensure my baby was clothed, though, that wouldn't be a major concern.

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