Just realised I've got sperm all over my curtains

[Pacificplaza]

It took me ages to choose this fabric. I really wanted to make sure it was exactly right. How have I not noticed this until now that they're up?!!

I think you need to get your DH a penis beaker ©MN.

Can I suggest you team it with a painting of orchids I bought? I schlepped it home (on a replacement bus service), hung it in my flat, went to the kitchen, came back and found myself staring at vulvas. How I didn’t notice when I bought it is beyond me!

They look like what they're supposed to look like. Flower buds.

Hehe! Gin - I stayed in a very nice hotel a couple of years ago. The room I was in had a display of about 16 small prints of orchids above the bed - a wall of vulvas. It was very disconcerting - not only to look at but I also spent the night worrying that they were going to fall on my head.

Well, aren't flowers the sex organs of plants anyway? Pictures of open buds are like looking at vegetation getting an erection.

Not that spermy. Still very pretty.

You could make it a theme? Accessorise your Christmas tree with these lovely baubles

I had to look for a few mins to see it but then when I did I laughed .

I was expecting a good story about how that happened OP!

Nice curtains though

there is a stain on our bedroom curtains that looks like sperm which I've only just noticed and its after some friends house sat for us. Yuk!

I think it looks spermy.

I was expecting a juicier thread than this though OP. My mum once had rabbit ejaculate up her wallpaper and I thought you and me could bond over common ground

Oooh! Yes but, those ovum are an odd shape! Pretty though!

Those ova.
That ovum.

Bill Clinton specials

I thought you were the proud owner of a dog like mine who likes to climb the sofa get in the windowsill and drag the curtain round to lay on.. leaving a rather unfortunate stain where he has laid.
(not envy!!)

I love your spermtastic curtains. I'm glad your man hadn't jizzed up them although it would have made for fun reading.

Thought you were going to say you'd coughed at an inopportune moment.

Yes, spermies, I see them!
Just had a thought..if you had orchid curtains they'd by cuntains!

I was expecting this thread to be about you finding your DH on a wankathon around the house

When I saw the title of this thread I assumed someone had wiped his.......erm.......member on the curtains after a shag!! 😂😂😂

I wouldn't have noticed the sperm if you hadn't pointed it out! Even then, it's not that bad!!

Oh gosh...this thread is less weird than the title suggests! I thought you meant actual sperm on your curtains

I clicked on this expecting to have a chuckle. I've got the same bloody curtains!! Never noticed my sperm friends before.

I used to have spermy cushions

My dog used to love my cushions. Only the pink ones.

Many moons ago I visited my neighbour. Just as I was about to pick up a big teddy in the middle of the hall she yelled "yeuch, don't touch, that's the dog's girlfriend".

PMSL! reminds me of my daughter's remark about a sleazy - looking man. "Looks the sort to wipe his cock on your curtains"