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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

aibu to love this blog post about why formula feeding is brilliant?!

822 replies

girlwithasecretsmile · 26/09/2017 20:42

I think it's great to have a post talking about good things about formula for once but part of me feels bad for laughing so much.

passmethebottleblog.wordpress.com/

OP posts:
HelloSquirrels · 28/09/2017 14:57

Because what if you don't want to hive

Jesus Christ I thought this was a free country.

If we made every decision based on what reduced the risk of cancer we would have boring shit lives let's face it.

Headofthehive55 · 28/09/2017 14:57

By the way exercise has a bigger impact on hormone dependant than triple neg.
again it's all minimising.

"Well it's only 4%" (don't they count?)
"Well it only stops triple neg cancer and that's not as common" (don't they count? )
Little gains add up. Think GB cycling team.

Headofthehive55 · 28/09/2017 14:59

No one says you have to. But we can't regard the choices as equally good on a population level.

HelloSquirrels · 28/09/2017 15:01

Do you really honestly care about what anyone else does with their lives? How they feed their babies, how much exercise they do, what they eat? It's up to each individual to make their own decisions and I for one will not live my life making decisions solely to try and reduce my risk of cancer when a) I might get it regardless and b) I could be run over by a bus tomorrow anyway.

I would rather live my life and enjoy it

BertrandRussell · 28/09/2017 15:02

What I want is for women to feel OK about saying that they don't want to, or they tried it and didn't like it, or it didn't fit into their lives.

Because the way breastfeeding is talked about on here -where a lot of pregnant women come for information- makes it seem incredibly difficult, incredibly painful and very unlikely to work. And that it is very common not to have enough milk. And the example of other countries shows that while that is sometimes true, it is pretty rare. Which means that a lot of women are misinformed- not realizing that it is usual for there to be no milk for a couple of days- or feel that is a more acceptable reason than just not wanting to.

And reading nothing but negative stories is likely to make anyone nervous and worried- and to set themselves up for failure. And while people with positive stories to tell feel it's insensitive to tell them we're just caught up in a vicious circle.

Headofthehive55 · 28/09/2017 15:09

I agree bertrand

So you say you managed to give ebm to you prem baby. In response to someone saying that no one does that. The retort?
"Give yourself a clap"
I hope that other mothers read it and feel it may be possible. And worthwhile trying.

Headofthehive55 · 28/09/2017 15:11

That's perfectly valid hello to just not want to.
Just like it's perfectly valid to drink or smoke.

nodogsallowedta · 28/09/2017 15:14

But you see, it’s the way you’ve created a negative parallel that’s not fair @Headofthehive55 it would be like me saying oh it’s perfectly ok for women to place their children in childcare just like it’s ok for people to shoot up heroin and knock over cows

BertrandRussell · 28/09/2017 15:20

No- hive was specifically responding to a poster talking about things you can do to reduce your risk of cancer......

Hihellohi · 28/09/2017 15:24

not realizing that it is usual for there to be no milk for a couple of days

I'm genuinely being serious when I ask this but what are you meant to give the baby in these couple of days - coz this is what I did with my two existing babies - kept giving them colostrum (so it's not like the milk supply wasn't being stimulated) and no mill ever came out. They both got extremely sick and jaundiced needing admission- i got bollocked by everyone in the hospital for being irresponsible when I did everything I was told to do. And I didn't even have the balls to say anything to anyone - I was tired and mentally all over the place I just nodded like a fool. I paid for lactation consultants to come and see me, apparently my son had a tongue tie which I had to wait 5 weeks for an appointment for - so what let the child starve in this time?
And then a midwife came to me and said "you know giving formula is like giving your kids junk food" and even then I was thinking wtf do you actually want to me to do. This child is under UV lights and you can see I pump for an hour and I get 5ml!! I used to cry every day feeling like a failure.

I'm 37 weeks pregnant again now and I'm so so put off by breastfeeding and the mental damage it did to me and physical to my existing kids I won't even bother.

lollipop7 · 28/09/2017 15:27

Or is it just me....

aibu to love this blog post about why formula feeding is brilliant?!
Welshwabbit · 28/09/2017 15:40

I agree with BertrandRussell's post further up this page. It is quite clear that for the majority of women in the UK, the question of whether or not to breastfeed is a matter of choice, not forced by inability. That must follow from the statistics showing the UK has a very significantly lower breastfeeding rate than most other European (let alone developing) nations - see this graph which is one of the clearest I've found: www.breastfeeding-rates.info/ . Obviously there are people for whom it absolutely wasn't possible; there are others for whom it was very difficult and there are others who just didn't get on with it. I don't have an issue with any of that (other than thinking that there do appear to be population level benefits of breastfeeding, so it would be good if more people did it in the abstract - but I think that about lots of things).

The problem is that the framing of the debate in such a way that people feel the need to justify their choice means that people are put off simply saying "I didn't like it; I didn't want to do it". I agree that means more people are left thinking breastfeeding is horrendously difficult - which it is for some people, but for many it's not. For me, it hurt for the first couple of weeks both times round, but after that it was easy and I did it til I went back to work (at 8 months - others will have to return earlier). The level of heat and upset these debates always cause - probably because most people on them are very engaged, either because they desperately wanted to breastfeed and found it difficult or impossible, or because they have breastfed with difficulty, or for a long time - is a big part of the problem.

StatelessPrincess · 28/09/2017 15:42

I liked the blog post. I had to formula feed my dd from birth and quite a few people were openly nasty about it (mostly my in laws) and even more made sly digs or gave me completely pointless, patronising advice.

BertrandRussell · 28/09/2017 15:54

"I'm genuinely being serious when I ask this but what are you meant to give the baby in these couple of days - coz this is what I did with my two existing babies - kept giving them colostrum (so it's not like the milk supply wasn't being stimulated) and no mill ever came out."
Of course there are some women who don't produce any milk. But it's quite rare. I'm sorry it happened to you. Babies are designed to suvive happily on colostrum for the 3 days or so it takes for most women's milk to come in.
Did the midwife really use those words to you? Shock I hope you reported her. That is obviously completely unaccceptable.

notanotherNC · 28/09/2017 16:01

I literally couldn't care less what other people feed their kids. I breastfed them as I wanted to give them the best start in life but if other people don't want to or can't then I couldn't give 2 fucks. As long as my kids get the best I can give them that is all my only concern.

BertrandRussell · 28/09/2017 16:09

I don't care either. So long as people are making proper choices and aren't being misinformed or scared off.

speakout · 28/09/2017 16:15

I do care.

I care when women who choose to breastfeed find it far more difficult than it should be because we have forgotten as a society how successful breastfeeding works.
And that can be laid at the feet of the fat cat formula companies.

Hihellohi · 28/09/2017 16:16

Ya she did but I was not in the frame of mind to do anything any further - regret it now when I think about it (which because I'm pregnant it's on my mind) as she's probably said it to other women too.

IroningMountain · 28/09/2017 16:23

Soooo mothers aren't allowed to say it can often be hard,painful and unpleasant. We have to pretend it's wonderful by default and if we think it's unpleasant we have to say "Ijust didn't want to do it."

No thanks.

The lack of honesty anywhere other than on forums where women can speak what they actually think is what causes half the issues imvho,

BertrandRussell · 28/09/2017 16:25

"Soooo mothers aren't allowed to say it can often be hard,painful and unpleasant. We have to pretend it's wonderful by default and if we think it's unpleasant we have to say "Ijust didn't want to do it.""

Nope. That's not what I said. But hey ho.

IroningMountain · 28/09/2017 16:36

So what are you saying then?

lelapaletute · 28/09/2017 16:50

Christ Ironing you're snarky. What, in an ideal world, would our like to be done n terms of public health and infant feeding? Should bf be promoted or not? Should formula companies be allowed to advertise newborn milk? Should bf support be improved and increased, or should it be abandoned as if it's difficult women shouldn't bother anyway? Is it ok for people to want more women to bf, or is it a subject about which complete omerta on all sides must be observed? What is your actual end goal?

IroningMountain · 28/09/2017 17:10

More support,more honesty,less scaremongering,less pressure and less stat twisting.

Simple really.

Sayyouwill · 28/09/2017 17:10

Soooo mothers aren't allowed to say it can often be hard,painful and unpleasant. We have to pretend it's wonderful by default and if we think it's unpleasant we have to say "Ijust didn't want to do it."

You know what else was hard, painful and unpleasant for me? Taking a shit this morning. I've got piles as a result of childbirth which are very stubborn and won't go. Means I literally bleed every time I try to go. Does that mean whenever someone talking about having children I will bash the point home that there are some long lasting, painful side effects and that perhaps they'd be better off adopting?

speakout · 28/09/2017 17:14

Breastfeeding support is patchy and often poor.

Breastfeeding shouldn't hurt most women. If it does hurt then something is wrong and can be fixed.
Many HCP don't know how to fix things.

Spreading the idea that breastfeeding is something to be endured and will be painful prevents women from seeking help, and problems simply get worse.

It's all a vary sad mix.

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