aibu to love this blog post about why formula feeding is brilliant?!

[girlwithasecretsmile]

I think it's great to have a post talking about good things about formula for once but part of me feels bad for laughing so much.

passmethebottleblog.wordpress.com/

You've made it very clear you think there should be no choice.
I absolutely have not done that HelloSquirrels
But I do think that minimising the benefits of breastfeeding (or the risks of formula feeding) does a disservice to mothers and babies

Sayyouwill
Yes, yes and yes.
very well put

What, that women should bf whatever the cost to them? What an incredibly stupid thing to say!

Yes. Some people are incredibly stupid.

"What, that women should bf whatever the cost to them? What an incredibly stupid thing to say!

Yes. Some people are incredibly stupid."

Yeah well. There are people who thing breastfeeding is unnatural and disgusting. They are stupid too. Maybe we should just dismiss the loons at each side of the bell curve and not use them to hit each other over the head with.

sayyouwill
Absolutely.

And what sayyouwill said.

I feel I am unable to say BF was easy (was able to go camping) and very enjoyable. It never hurt one bit. Ever.
But all people say us that well not everyone can feed (I know) some people find it painful (I know) and not allow my experiences into the discord, in case it upsets people.

Maybe we should just dismiss the loons at each side of the bell curve and not use them to hit each other over the head with.

FGS, Bertrand, that wasn't what I was doing at all - I was pointing out that 'good enough', balancing competing needs to make sure everyone got their needs met to a decent level, and 'do the very best for your baby' are not synonymous in this area - or in many areas of parenting.

Exactly what sayyouwill said and headofthehive55
Just when bf became easy for me at about 8 weeks the when are you going to wean started from random folk and ones I know fairly well and anytime now baby has had the benefits of breast milk was what people expected.
Bf mothers don't judge and attack ff in my experience but bf is repeatedly attacked. It takes a lot of balls to continue bf past the first few weeks and confidently feed out and about.

And let's be just a little bit honest - women are so socialised to put their needs last in the family context, that many won't hear 'do what's good enough, balanced with your needs' when they hear 'do what's best for your baby'.

I never understand why this area is the only area of parenting that some think good enough/ doing the best you can for child mother and family is not enough. Plenty of babies and children would be better off at home instead of in childcare lead by staff less qualified than many mothers. A mother's and family's needs are encouraged to be taken into consideration.

Then we get onto diet, exercise and screen time.

It's utterly crazy.

See Ironing I see it as the other way round! People DO judge All those choices, and other parenting decisions like discipline, relentlessly! Only with feeding method is it considered so sensitive and personal noone else is allowed to have an opinion.

Jassy, you will probably think I'm a bitch or a martyr, but I do think as a parent (not just a mother, dads too), my needs should and do come after my daughter's - not last, or nowhere at all, but she comes first, for the simple reason that life is hard and the world is a confusing, difficult place as well as a wonderful one, and I am very alive to the fact she wouldn't be here with needs at all if I hadn't chosen to make her. Obviously if I prostrate myself on her behalf to the point I can no longer function of be a good mother, that would be self defeating. But surely when you have kids you expect your needs to take a back seat to theirs?

Yep, exactly what Sayyouwill said. Great post.

I never understand why this area is the only area of parenting that some think good enough/ doing the best you can for child mother and family is not enough.

Well, it's not, but I don't have the wherewithal for yet another 'working mothers are shit and neglectful, why did you even have children if you're going to give them to someone else to raise' thread until I've had more coffee.

Jassy, you will probably think I'm a bitch or a martyr, but I do think as a parent (not just a mother, dads too), my needs should and do come after my daughter's - not last, or nowhere at all, but she comes first, for the simple reason that life is hard and the world is a confusing, difficult place as well as a wonderful one, and I am very alive to the fact she wouldn't be here with needs at all if I hadn't chosen to make her.

Let's not put words in my mouth, eh?

I agree. But. Once my children's needs are met to a good level (which might not be the absolute best, pinnacle A** standard of how those needs may be met, but a good level nonetheless), then I'm ok to consider my needs.

My glass doesn't stay empty until everyone else's are overflowing.

That's the trouble with the 'best' narrative. 'Do what's best' has a strong element of the superlative.

Which is not to say women who don't breastfeed are necessarily not putting their children first; as you say some women have physical or mental reasons why it is not he holistically best thing for them and thus their child, some women have to go back to work early to support their child. But I am a bit at the notion one of the benefits deemed worth mentioning of not bf is being able to wear a sexy bra etc. How is that not part of the pressure on women to be 'on it' again as soon as possible after childbirth, rather than being given space to adjust to the potentially huge changes they are going through?

And it frustrates me that the pain is used as a reason not to, when for most women with good support the pain would be of extremely short duration and can be ameliorated a great deal while getting to that point - just like labour. We do go through things for our children. The idea bf is necessarily sooooo painful and women are being bullied into suffering is very annoying - if it's hurting, then you and/or your baby are having a problem which needs to be sorted. Something needs adjusting. Same as if you were scalding yourself every time you made up a bottle of formula. It is not an intrinsic part of the process.

wise words again from Jassy

Nothing further to add to your post but hear hear.

Aaargh I phrased myself really badly in that last one - it's not if women themselves decide not to because of the pain hat annoys me,but the fact it is touted as a reason not to in blogs like this one, and by formula advocates. Past the first few weeks, there should be little to no discomfort associated with bf. Of there is, the dyad needs some support.

Urgh I wish there was an edit/delete on MN, I really haven't got across what I meant to in those last few posts and they come across sanctimonious and judgey. comes from typing off the top of my head while busy with the baby!

Please ignore the last few, I said what I needed to say much better last night, this morning I'm just rambling bollocks!

Final thing though! I judge, blame or criticise no women who chose not to bf in this culture for whatever reason. Despite the sense FF mums may have that they are judged, for which I'm sorry, the overwhelming trend in this country is to FF,the support and cultural normality of bf is absolutely shocking, to really commit to it is to swim against the tide of a huge cultural and economic push to just pack it in and give them a bottle. Not to mention yes it IS really hard at first for some - it was for me - and if you have no support and no experience in your circle of bf so you know that it will eventually get better and there are steps you can take, OF COURSE you would be either mad or saintly to commit to putting up with that kind of feed frequency and nipple discomfort for 12-24 months of your life.

It's the culture bf advocates need to change if we want to increase rates. And we do need to do that in a way that doesn't make individual mums feel bad about their choices, or the choices that circumstances took out of their hands.

I don't disagree with anything in your last post, lela. But the problem is that it's HCPs who are telling women to suck it up when it hurts, what did they expect, that their babies can't possibly be getting enough milk, and the support just isn't there.

HCPs whose only answer is 'the latch must be wrong' when the problem is agonising refill pains, which went on for months.

Let's look at the bloody system and support available and focus on that, rather than on new individual mothers and whether their choice is acceptable or not. When the system is good, when qualified, effective, timely support and intervention exists, then it might, just, at the extreme, be ok to ask a woman why she gave up breastfeeding if she had originally planned to do it, so we can understand the other factors.

If I hadn't had the experience I had with DS1, I would have stopped feeding DS2 when he was 5 days old and the midwife told me he 'couldn't possibly' be getting enough milk in 5 minute feeds, he must be starving.

Then she weighed him, and he was a few ounces over his birth weight (of 10lb+). She didn't backtrack though, even when she saw him feeding with a latch so strong it left bruises.

(The last post being at 9.11 - we cross posted.)

my glass doesnt stay empty until everyone else's are overflowing

Fair point Jassy, and worth putting on a mug (or glass!).

It's worth me remembering I am a first time mum of a PFB 8 month old with high needs, on a years maternity leave without the need or inclination at this point to do anything much but dance attendance on her every whim

I daresay I'll loosen up a bit if and when I'm ever a busy mum of two yelping toddlers with a full time job to contend with!

Breastfeeding is a good idea for mothers too - it reduces the chance of getting breast cancer in later life.
So why wouldn't you promote it like discouraging smoking?

The vast majority of women like the idea of breastfeeding. That doesn't mean they will like the reality of it, or to the extent they are willing to pursue it if it's difficult.

Just like the vast majority of people want to be slim, or to get fit, or to eat more salad. The idea of something can be far more appealing than the reality. Most women do not stop breastfeeding because of lack of support, but because it's exhausting them and they are in pain.