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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When people boast, I want to downboast

67 replies

brasty · 26/09/2017 18:51

When you meet someone who really boasts a lot, I always want to go the other way,

For example, we are so proud of Lily, she is only four but can count up to a hundred in Russian and can write her name in 10 different languages.

I really really want to say something like - We are so proud of Chloe, she is only 4 but has finally stopped trying to peel and eat the wallpaper in her bedroom.

Is this a British trait to feel like this? I am guessing Americans don't feel like this? I probably ABU as I think I connect it to the idea of showing off.

OP posts:

Passmethecrisps · 26/09/2017 18:52

I think it is a bit of a British thing. We find it hard to be open about pride and accomplishment. We also have a soft spot for the underdog as a general rule.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 26/09/2017 18:59

My usual response to boasting parents is to nod, give a fake smile and then back away.
I think I'll try what you do now, it sounds much more fun.
"Oh, we're so proud of little Xavier, he's only 6 but but he won the cross country against ten year olds!"
"Oh, I'm so proud of ds1. He's only 6 and when he did his usual fall off the slide today, he managed not to need a trip to A&E afterwards."

UserX · 26/09/2017 19:00

Well good for you, aren't you just the least boasty person to ever walk the earth?!???!?

PointingandStaring · 26/09/2017 19:13

Well good for you, aren't you just the least boasty person to ever walk the earth?!???!

bit snippy aintcha?

RoderickRules · 26/09/2017 19:18

I think UserX must be Lily's mum from the OP.

BusySittingDown · 26/09/2017 19:28

I always find myself being faux impressed and feeding their egos and hating myself!

For example:
Them: Little 4 year old Lily is reading Harry Potter already.
Me: Wow, oh she’s so clever. My 10 year old isn’t even reading Harry Potter!

So yeah I sort of do the down boasting thing too. My 10 year old is actually quite bright and her English and literacy is above average - I don’t know why I do it . Think it’s because you just know that this will happen:

Them: 4 year old Lily is reading Harry Potter.
You: Oh that’s good. 4 year old Jonty read Harry Potter last year, no he’s reading War and Peace.
Them: well Lily read War and Peace last year so she’s just reading Harry Potter for fun in between writing her dissertation...

pieceofpurplesky · 26/09/2017 19:34

I do this in a different way! If someone says 'I love your necklace' I always have to say 'it was a bargain, not expensive' as if I am ashamed something cost money although usually not that expensive

balsamicbarbara · 26/09/2017 19:36

You say it's a British thing but that sort of humour sounds a lot like Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm to me. I don't think self deprecation for comic effect is particularly British but more a sign of a confident sense of humour.

AVirtuousLife · 26/09/2017 19:39

Who put a bee up you arse UserX?

Anyway,
Back to the OP...

I just smile briefly then change the subject when boasty types start.

minipie · 26/09/2017 19:43

to be fair to UserX this does come across a little bit like a boast by the OP about how unboasty she is

OP I very very rarely come across anyone boasty, so I don't get the urge. But then I do tend to hang around with British self deprecating types.

TheLuminaries · 26/09/2017 19:44

I love a pass agg down boast - it makes me feel quietly superior in a uniquely British way

Ginfernal · 26/09/2017 19:51

I like your style.
I remember sobbing down the phone to my Mum when my DD was a toddler as it seemed my antenatal group had offspring that had Mensa potential at 18 months and highly overachieved already where as my little snowflake was eating woodlice and drinking out the birdbath.

JustHope · 26/09/2017 19:54

Nothing worse than a boasty bore. I work with one who boasts about her child genius, sports superstar DS. Feigning interest in these boasts is really hard work.

SisyphusHadItEasy · 26/09/2017 20:02

I only have one boast about DD - she has multiple disabilities and performs at a level several years delayed.

However, the boast is to a party trick level, as DD is completely ambidextrous (even though her 12 year old hands write like a 3-4 year old).

Even the worst boasties' precious geniuses haven't been able to do that one yet

Either that, or I make up ridiculous crap.

dyathinkso · 26/09/2017 20:05

I always think of Kevin Bridges and when anyone boasts I reply

"Did ye, aye?" Or "did they, aye?"

Being from Glasgow, that brings people right back down to earth. Say it deadpan

Ivy79 · 26/09/2017 20:07

For example, we are so proud of Lily, she is only four but can count up to a hundred in Russian and can write her name in 10 different languages.

I really really want to say something like - We are so proud of Chloe, she is only 4 but has finally stopped trying to peel and eat the wallpaper in her bedroom.

@brasty that's hilarious! People should totally DO that.

Take no notice of the grizzly @UserX. Must be past her bedtime.

I think she is totally missing the (hilarious!) point.

rosybell · 26/09/2017 20:17

Oh god I do this. Someone put a pic of their reception child's writing of the word 'poo' on facebook as a kind of stealth boast I guess. I commented 'that's great-ds can't even hold a pen'

She told me not to worry, kids develop at their own rates ..

midnightmisssuki · 26/09/2017 20:21

i get this a lot with other people's children - everyone's 4-year old is significantly smarter than my daughter or reached so and so milestone quicker than my daughter - i just say 'oh wow - my daughtersname is pretty cool' then walk off or change topics... I don't know if my daughter is fast or slow for her age - she's only bloody 4 for gods sake!

whattobeexpected · 26/09/2017 20:24

Yes British trait!
Another common thing someone mentioned is when I get complimented on a tip for ex.

"Oh thank you it was only £5 primark"
Practically ripping it off myself to give to them.. why?

Fidoandacupoftea · 26/09/2017 20:24

Cousins visiting for the first time saw the piano and asked who played. My DD2 does and when they asked her to play before she could reply I said oh no she will never stop. I have no idea why I said that as she is quite shy and will never do that.

whattobeexpected · 26/09/2017 20:25

Top**

BrieAndChilli · 26/09/2017 20:30

I do the thing where you say something that may be boastful but immediately followed by something the opposite of boastful
Eg 5 year old DS is reading lord of the rings but of course he stills wets himself...

Fidoandacupoftea · 26/09/2017 20:30

I also have to do that you can never guess how cheap it is crap. A stranger on a bus liked my bag and I had to tell her I got it for a £1 in accessorise as it had ink stains, and insisted in showing her the evidence

Ttbb · 26/09/2017 21:05

It's called manners, unfortunately the vast majority of the world doesn't seem to have any.

LoveDeathPrizes · 27/09/2017 08:18

It's easier to make friends if you're self-deprecating. Not many people can relate to the Lily's but there are thousands who have the lesser-Lily's that just want to find some common ground with someone.

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