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AIBU?

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Original poster

When people boast, I want to downboast

67 replies

brasty · 26/09/2017 18:51

When you meet someone who really boasts a lot, I always want to go the other way,

For example, we are so proud of Lily, she is only four but can count up to a hundred in Russian and can write her name in 10 different languages.

I really really want to say something like - We are so proud of Chloe, she is only 4 but has finally stopped trying to peel and eat the wallpaper in her bedroom.

Is this a British trait to feel like this? I am guessing Americans don't feel like this? I probably ABU as I think I connect it to the idea of showing off.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 27/09/2017 11:27

Its a bit of a minefield if you and many friends and acquaintances have kids ending yr 13 at the same time, even though the other parents may be genuinely interested in what they're going to do next. Especially tricky if the reception age devourer of books hasn't quite fulfilled their apparent potential.

EmGee · 27/09/2017 11:29

Boasting is just soooooo bloody boring to listen to. IME some people just cannot help themselves - whether they do it because they are oblivious, lacking self esteem, totally self absorbed or totally disinterested in any one else - I don't know. I wish I could say 'oh do fuck off you're boring me senseless' but I'm too polite Grin

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 27/09/2017 11:29

Omg this reminds me of time someone commented on how lovely my boots were as she passed me. I practically chased her to tell her how cheap they was and where I got them from as I was so impressed by my lovely expensive looking warm unusual best ever bargain boots for under £20!

purplecollar · 27/09/2017 11:30

I think it's bad manners to boast. But there's a difference between sharing good news and one upmanship.

Dd has a friend whose boasting is insufferable at times. I used to get annoyed about it, because it usually involved running down dd. But then read that it's usually done because the person is desperately insecure and felt a bit sorry for her.

How do you come back when someone's boasting? If you came back with an equal boast, it could so easily get into "my dad is bigger than yours" type of scenario, going on and on and on. So probably easier to say something self deprecating.

Hayesking · 27/09/2017 11:33

I always find myself being faux impressed and feeding their egos and hating myself!

so do I and I hate it!! I never show off about my dds and they are amazing! Maybe I should.

TheScottishPlay · 27/09/2017 11:47

I had this from Pils for years while DS and his cousin were younger and at separate primary schools. I responded by 'downboasting' (my new fave word!). It culminated in them treating DS like he wasn't very bright (we don't see them often!) and buying books and toys well behind his (amazing!) capabilities.
They now attend the same secondary and the evidence is quite clear....

PoisonedIvy · 27/09/2017 11:47

I love the "Oh right" or "Oh okay" response to boasters, stops them dead in their tracks.

Deploycharitygoats · 27/09/2017 14:07

DH has an old friend whose parents are masters at dealing with what they refer to as parenting Top Trumps in their social circle (the DC in question are in their 30s, you'd think people would have got over it by now!)

Any time they're at a social event, they randomly pick one of their children who must not be mentioned under any circumstances. So if someone says "oh and of course Lily is a consultant now, what about Tim?" they will just sigh sadly and talk pointedly about one of their other sons. Everyone goes away gossiping about what dreadful thing Tim must have done to have so disappointed his parents. Next dinner party, Tim is back in the fold but Simon will never be discussed. Causes confusion for those who live through their children, and endless amusement for friend's parents.

Dustbunny1900 · 27/09/2017 14:15

I'm American and I FEEL like saying that but I don't have the balls because it's so passive aggressive (but quite tempting! And really drives the point home)

BeALert · 27/09/2017 14:55

Is this a British trait to feel like this? I am guessing Americans don't feel like this?

There are 323 million Americans so it's hard to say how they all feel. The ones I know don't boast, but they also don't feel they have to downboast in response.

They'd most likely just say quite genuinely 'Oh that's great.'

Hayesking · 27/09/2017 16:40

Any time they're at a social event, they randomly pick one of their children who must not be mentioned under any circumstances. So if someone says "oh and of course Lily is a consultant now, what about Tim?" they will just sigh sadly and talk pointedly about one of their other sons. Everyone goes away gossiping about what dreadful thing Tim must have done to have so disappointed his parents. Next dinner party, Tim is back in the fold but Simon will never be discussed. Causes confusion for those who live through their children, and endless amusement for friend's parents.

Grin
ProseccoMamam · 27/09/2017 18:10

Cousin told family she constantly holds her 1yo and makes her play on a thick rug in the living room so she doesn't fall and hurt herself

I proudly exclaimed that DS2 (also 1yo) had recently had his third trip to A&E for diving head first onto the floor Grin

he's gonna be a great football player one day while her kid will cry at a high five done too hard

vichill · 27/09/2017 18:17

It is bad manners and cringe. Rather than squirm or make an audible ffs, I find myself veering off to frantically downplay mine/kids efforts. Dunno if its British but it is my default instinctual response to boasty twattery.

ringthelandline · 27/09/2017 18:48

We were abroad a few years ago talking to an American couple. They were forthright in listing their DC's academic and sporting achievements. They did have the manners to ask about mine
"They're a couple of halfwits who fight all the time and mostly watch telly".
They didn't laugh but put on a faux look of sympathy and concern. I felt such an idiot and did think it must be a British thing.

ErrolTheDragon · 27/09/2017 21:38

So...given that its nearly october, is anyone working on their, um, unrounded robin? A downboast of the family news to tuck into xmas cards to people who habitually manage to type out their kids achievements and copy to all and sundry.Grin

toomuchtooold · 27/09/2017 23:13

"Did ye, aye?

I do this too. My kids have copped on that it means "no you didn't" even though they have only been to Glasgow twice Grin

thenewaveragebear1983 · 28/09/2017 08:16

It's PFB syndrome a bit. I was telling my family how my dd age 13 had been selected for an award in maths, I'm not a boaster at all really but this was a genuine achievement we are very proud of; my dsis (has 4 week old baby) replied by texting me a long message all about how many ounces of milk the baby had drunk and that's she'd managed to BF on the right side for 20 minutes. Like they were on a similar par. I mean, it's great and all, but I've got 3 dc and all of them have managed to eat, every day, for years.

Hmmis the only response to that kind of boasting.

I find if people start the boast I am more inclined to just listen, rather than chime in with my Own dc's achievement. This prompted my other 'friend' to say 'oh, it's a shame your ds is struggling so much with his reading'- which he wasn't. It's just I don't insist on telling everyone how incredibly talented he is at biff, chip and kipper all the time!

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