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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to say something about baby crying

44 replies

LuckyAmy1986 · 26/09/2017 07:49

NDN have a 13 month old. We have lived next to them since the baby was born, new born phase etc, all fine. The last two weeks the baby has woken me up every night crying, the cot is clearly up against the wall against my bedroom as it is so loud. Babies will be babies I know, it really is loud and for about an hour normally so it takes a while to get back off so I have been a bit tired lately. However last night it was just relentless, I was awake from 1am until 5am and the baby was crying the whole time. I couldn't hear anyone comforting the baby (same as normal, never hear mum or dad), I think she is being left to cry it out. DH went to sleep downstairs in the end because it was just so loud and my DD said she had a bad nights sleep. Around 5am it came to a head and I heard the mum shouting at the baby 'Go to sleep, just go to sleep' I think she left the room, then more crying then mum came back in shouting 'what is it? what do you want?' then her and her husband had an argument about being exhausted and there was some banging etc. Our walls are thin by the way. We have tried ear plugs. I get that babies cry, I have had two myself. I just can't take not getting any sleep, I was wondering about asking them to move the baby away from our wall a bit, but if someone had asked me to do that during a sleepless phase I probably wouldn't have taken that too well. On top of that I am not comfortable with the baby being left to cry for so long. Should I just leave it? DH wants to say something but I just don't want to make them feel any worse when they are struggling. The other side of me thinks it's not ok leaving your baby crying for so many hours. Sorry if this doesn't make sense, haven't had much sleep lately!

OP posts:
Lules · 26/09/2017 07:52

You don't know that they're leaving it though? You wouldn't hear stroking, quiet shushing or even very low talking through a wall would you?

Original poster
LuckyAmy1986 · 26/09/2017 07:54

You can hear if someone is having a conversation, but not what they are saying if that makes sense. Wouldn't be able to hear whispering or shushing I wouldn't have thought. And stroking? No, definitely not.

OP posts:
AuntLydia · 26/09/2017 07:54

God it sounds hideous for all of you! I honestly wouldn't assume they are leaving her to cry. If she's crying loudly you wouldn't be able to hear them quietly rocking her or shhhing her surely? So I definitely wouldn't approach them on that basis.

How well do you know them? Could you take a shit sandwich approach? Pop over with a bottle of wine and sympathy, make the move the cot suggestion and then offer to take the baby for a walk on the weekend for them to get some rest kind of thing?!

toolonglurking · 26/09/2017 07:54

Can you move your bedroom to a different room?

CheeseCrackersAndWine · 26/09/2017 07:55

Just because you can't hear them comforting her doesn't mean they aren't. I've had many a night where no matter how much gentle comforting we tried out DD screamed for hours. I think the fact you know they are knackered means they aren't totally ignoring her & having a blissful nights sleep so I'd imagine they are doing everything they can to get her to sleep. I do however totally understand you frustration but rather than ask them to move could you maybe go round a friendly face so they know you can hear but you aren't complaining as such?! I'd imaging knowing they are keeping you awake will add to their stress...

Salene · 26/09/2017 07:55

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to request baby change room if it’s effecting your sleep badly .

I hope they are not leaving the poor mite to cry it out if so that’s a really shame.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 26/09/2017 07:56

Do you know them well? This makes me sad, poor baby. Though I wouldn't assume they are just leaving it, they could be soothing her quietly. If you are going to chat, I'd use a 'Wanted to see if you needed help or a chat as it must be tough/we hear the baby crying blah blah.' Leading in to moving the baby.

Original poster
LuckyAmy1986 · 26/09/2017 07:57

Exactly, I don't want to add to their stress at all, I have been there myself and like I said I wouldn't have taken it too well if someone had said it to me! We can't move our bedroom. The houses are long if that makes sense, so they go far back but they aren't wide, so every room backs onto their rooms. And you can hear from every room anyway, even downstairs DH said he could still hear faintly. It's at the point where we can still hear crying even if there is none!

OP posts:
Ginfernal · 26/09/2017 07:57

Sounds like they went through everything and the baby just didn't want to settle. Description you give sounds like neighbours going through hell.
Perhaps leave it a week or so before asking them to move the cot?
Just could be a final straw for very stressed people - I wouldn't assume baby was being left to cry. Mine would continue crying through attempts to feed/settle/cuddle at that age if she was over tired. I know it's frustrating for you . Hang in there.

Original poster
LuckyAmy1986 · 26/09/2017 07:58

We don't know them well, they keep themselves to themselves and so do we. We say a friendly hi but that's about it.

OP posts:
AuntLydia · 26/09/2017 07:59

Hm. Well if you can hear it that loudly I don't see the point in asking her to move the cot. Ear plugs?!

highinthesky · 26/09/2017 07:59

Could you take a shit sandwich approach?

And if that doesn't work, call SS Grin

AuntLydia · 26/09/2017 07:59

Oh sorry, just reread and I see you've tried that.

Original poster
LuckyAmy1986 · 26/09/2017 07:59

Ginfernal thank you. I think I have forgotten how bad it can be and maybe they have tried everything else. And no I don't know 100% they are leaving her to cry but you can hear the mum coming in saying something then going back out. This is what I think is happening, of course I don't know for sure.

OP posts:
Original poster
LuckyAmy1986 · 26/09/2017 08:00

Why would I call SS?

OP posts:
mumofone234 · 26/09/2017 08:01

I agree with Ginfernal - leave it for a few days more and see if things improve. It's really tough on you, but it sounds like they're pretty stressed already so you don't want to pile in on them. It may be that their child has a cold or something, and things will improve again anyway.

DropZoneOne · 26/09/2017 08:02

If the walls are that thin, moving the cot a few inches isn't going to make any difference.

Sounds like the neighbours are finding it tough too. Pitching it up saying you can't sleep is not going to help. Do you know them well enough to offer to take baby for a walk for an hour so the mum can rest?

Pengggwn · 26/09/2017 08:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LuckyAmy1986 · 26/09/2017 08:04

I am definitely going to be joining DH on the sofa tonight! Thinking about it, you are right it wouldn't even help moving the cot because you can hear the crying anyway from other rooms. So I won't be saying that!

OP posts:
Spudlet · 26/09/2017 08:05

If the walls are that thin, will moving the cot reallymhelp that much? Will it help enough to be worth the risk of alienating your neighbours? Cos that's what you have to weigh up.

We put soundproofing onto our living room wall and it did make a big difference - it's a big step but given that children don't generally get quieter it might be worth considering as a potentially worthwhile home improvement.

I feel for all of you, I really do. Can't be any fun for anyone.

Spudlet · 26/09/2017 08:05

X-post!

Original poster
LuckyAmy1986 · 26/09/2017 08:05

I don't really have time to take the baby for a walk to be honest, otherwise I would. I have a 2 and a 3 year old myself so pretty busy.

OP posts:
Roobear23 · 26/09/2017 08:05

I was concerned about the neighbours when I eventually resorted to CC and it did add to my stress not knowing how they felt. You assume a neighbour will be angry so for you being so understanding I think it would help them to know that. Having said that I was v exhausted and emotional! So perhaps a little note through the door could avoid misunderstanding. Depends how well you know them.

TammySwansonTwo · 26/09/2017 08:06

Oh god. I have 12 month old twins and they cry a lot at night. I'm usually in there with them both in bouncers, bouncing them up and down trying to calm them both at once but they often still cry anyway. There have been many times when I've shouted "what do you want from?! Go to sleep!!!!" Because I am exhausted and they seem to have a sleep allergy. Ive made sure their cots aren't against the neighbours wall and I apologise to the neighbour every time I see her. If your houses are that noise affected they must hear you too and must know it will be affecting you, least they can do is not put the cot against the shared wall and apologise to you! I am so worried they're disturbing the neighbours son but I can't make them stop Blush

Original poster
LuckyAmy1986 · 26/09/2017 08:06

Spudlet we do want to sound proof but it's just cash flow at the moment! I am going to ride it out and keep my mouth shut!!!

OP posts:
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