To be drowning?

[CredulousThickos]

I am so inconsistent.

I’ll have days or weeks of being super organised with laundry, housework, helping with homework, walking the dog at the same time, making and keeping appointments, you get the idea.

And then it all goes to shit, again for either days or weeks. So last week I decluttered several rooms, had all the laundry done and put away, the kitchen stayed tidy, I’d finally organised the boiler service, made everyone exciting lunches for work and school, bounced out of bed at quarter to six every morning, exercised, showered every day, went to the shop to top up milk and bread as needed, had emails all printed and signed for school and scouts etc. Basically adulted like a pro.

And since the weekend I haven’t showered, everyone’s had cheese sandwiches today and yesterday, we had takeaway last night, the washing pile is seven foot high again and ds2 doesn’t have a clean shirt, I missed a doctors appt yesterday, the dog hasn’t been walked for two days, all the stuff I decluttered is in bags in the hallway for the tip/charity. The kitchen floor is revolting, the beds need changing, ds2’s bedroom needs some serious attention (it was his birthday yesterday and there is literally nowhere for his mountain of presents to go so they are all in the front room). I snoozed my alarm this morning and I’m still not dressed. My neighbour is taking ds to school as I can’t face it, which means the dog won’t have her walk so I’ll have to take her out later. It’s just shit. I just feel completely overwhelmed and it is a horrible vicious cycle.

I want to be one of those people who does the same sort of thing every day. As my mother is fond of saying, if I just kept on top of it all it would all fall into place.

I know a lot of this is mh related and believe me I’m a lot better than I used to be, but I can’t seem to sort my shit out enough to keep the momentum going.

How do people do it? I’m hiding in the bathroom because it’s the tidiest room in the house and I’m having palpitations whenever I walk into the kitchen and front room. Im drowning and it’s pathetic.

It is a bit of a cycle. I have dogs and as much as sometimes it feels like just another chore to have to walk them, I find that getting out in the fresh air with them always helps me feel better.

Set the timer on your phone to 10 minutes. Start in one room, do 10 minutes and then stop. Repeat this in every room that needs some attention. Then stop. You'll be amazed at what a difference you can make in just 10 minutes - it doesn't matter if there are things that still need doing because it's a start. Do it again tomorrow - before you know it you'll be back on top of everything again.

Housework is a thankless task and it's one of those things that nobody notices until you stop doing it!

If you are like me I have bursts of being able to maintain a level of cleaning, tidying, etc, etc but I am just not the kind of person who can keep up the kind of level that this house needs! Go easy on yourself. Lower your standards. Take some short cuts and just do a few things. Leave the house for a while and get some fresh air - I find that helps to give me perspective! Your family would rather have you happy and a messy house!

@MrsWooster good point well made!

OP, you mentioned MH in your first post, so as for all comments RE: the dog walking, you wouldn't be expected to walk a dog with a broken leg. MH issues are just as debilitating and should be seen as such.

I hope you are OK, go easy on yourself and feel good about the fact that you are ever on top of things which I never am! My To Do List stretches back to March...

Well done for taking the kids to school AND walking the dog. I agree and think you really helped yourself simply by asking for help.
Keep up the good work

Maybe it's because it's just all fucking knackering. I know I couldn't keep that up for an extended period! Sounds like you need to examine your workload and figure out how much you can realistically take on single handedly. There's no point doing it all if you work yourself into the ground repeatedly because it'll just make you feel guilty and awful when it inevitably slips. I feel for you... I'm never organised!

I've always been a bit like this, I thought I was odd but it seems like it is normal to some extent for most people.

I was in a lecture last week where one of the things they said was 'motivation comes and goes but commitment is constant'.

You've got some good advice here, get out with the dog, small bursts of activity, etc.

Keep going, your mojo will be back soon!

OP, I know how you feel. I started a thread this year and had loads of really helpful advice. I was feeling better until depression struck again and it became a challenge to do anything. If you think the advice may also help you (or anyone else struggling) I attach the link.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2880801-Need-a-complete-life-habit-overhaul-and-dont-know-where-to-start

Thank you for posting this - I'm the same. I blame the fact I have small children but I should be able to keep on top of it. It makes me miserable when the house is a mess and I can't be any fun to live with. However after reading your post, I've put on some washing and cleaned the kitchen. Now I'm trying to get the baby to sleep. Then I'm going to do a bit more, if I can convince my 3 year old she wants to play on her own for just a bit longer.
It feels good to be taking control of things. Thanks for motivating me.

Just to say I do normally so washing and stuff... but now I feel a bit in more control of it!!

I'm the same. I feel that it depends where I am in my monthly cycle as to how productive and together I am. Some weeks just sort of ooze by with the bare minimum being achieved and stuff piling up, then other weeks the energy is flowing and shit gets done!

"@MrsWooster good point well made!

OP, you mentioned MH in your first post, so as for all comments RE: the dog walking, you wouldn't be expected to walk a dog with a broken leg. MH issues are just as debilitating and should be seen as such."

Bit of a poor comparison disneybump sorry, when you consider that walking the dog with a broken leg will probably make it worse whereas exercise such as walking the dog in fresh air is actually proven to help with depression and anxiety. Far more than just throwing your hands up in the air and staying in bed!

And whatever the reason for not walking the dog, physical or mental, the responsibility still remains to find someone who will as it's not the dogs fault and they shouldn't have to go without a necessity for them due to someone's mental health problems.

Well I came back home, had a shower, made my bed, put a wash on and then sat and had a coffee and leftover pizza and watched Liar.

I'm about to move my arse and sort the kitchen, funnily enough I also know it takes me 6 or 7 minutes so I need to just tell myself that's all it is and crack on.

I've shortcutted the washing process by putting on a half load (school shirts and underwear) and setting it to automatically dry afterwards. Totally lazy and inefficient but avoids the trap of forgetting to take it out and hanging it.

I'm really glad I posted as it's been motivating to set it all out and read the replies, so thank you.

I will just say that my little pooch is not neglected, she's my shadow and very much pampered and although she enjoys a walk, the conditions have to be perfect. Too wet or too cold or too many leaves on the ground or she just can't be bothered, and she'll just plant her feet and not budge. She spends plenty of time in our large garden and has long walks in fine weather. A daily walk is really not a necessity for her, although I feel much better when she's walked more frequently due to it being drummed into me that all dogs need a daily walk.

Before I even read your update I thought of bipolar. I have a friend who is bipolar and is exactly like this. She is much improved these days - she attended a course or counselling - I'm not exactly sure what - about how to manage her day to day life.
The problem was that she would be great for weeks on end and do all sorts. I would find it exhausting just listening to what she had done in one day. The house would be perfect etc. Then she would crash and could barely crawl out of bed. This phase would last for a few weeks and her house would end up in a horrendous state.
I wonder if you could talk to your GP to see if there would be any support for you to help you to find a middle ground.
My friend worked on this and is much better - the house is no longer perfect, but nor does it get into a state either. She has very strict routines and she sticks them to try to stay on an even keel as possible.
Hope you find a solution that works for you.

A long time ago I went to Japan and discovered that they have a whole radio channel devoted to the theme tune to Rocky to help motivate people in the mornings. I know you've got more going on but seriously if you can find a cheesy theme tune for some tasks that might help and also you know the exact duration. I for one enjoy some awful 80s music when doing accounts! I do receipts for exactly 3 songs. I hate doing them but the music mKes it bearable/ almost fun.

How are you feeling now cred?

Also how old are your children? You could enlist their help and get them into good habits too - not just for your own sake but it's really important for them as they grow up too. I have always struggled with this myself and am only now starting to help them get into a routine with even simple stuff like bringing down their pyjamas for washing every time they get dressed. They do help with laundry though and put all their clothes away every time.

I'm trying to declutter all the kids' books (hundreds - charity shop addict here) today, bit daunting, wish me luck! Clutter is depressing though so I know it'll be worth it

Much better actually, thanks for asking. I’ve achieved a fair amount today, bizarrely had a flurry of emails from school so
I printed them out as they arrived and signed them. That felt good.

Kids are 15, 13 and 6 and are generally stars, DD is oddly tidy and DS1 keeps his filth contained in his room and they both help with chores, wash up and put their own washing away etc. DS2 is six (as of yesterday) and will help tidy toys etc but not a fat lot else.

I decluttered the study last week which is a 7’x7’ room and ended up with something like eight carrier bags of rubbish and useless books. I love books and keep most to reread but I do give away ones I haven’t enjoyed or ones I’ve read so often they’ve fallen apart (they go in the recycling). I don’t know where all the rest of the crap comes from.

Thought having a larger, modern house would make this easier but instead it just shows up the dirt (clean lines and white walls sound great in theory...) and gives us more room to fill. My two bed flat was always as neat as a pin.

I don’t know where all the rest of the crap comes from me neither! It has to come into the house somehow though I guess.

We will be moving to a bigger house in the next six months or so. It's part of the reason I am wanting to declutter so much now as I have always found that buying storage space just leads to more clutter . I am desperate to get organised before we go, and I'm 7 months pregnant so want to do what I can before DC3 arrives.

It is so hard though when you aren't naturally that way. I grew up with hoarder parents and I'm fighting between blindly following their ways and forging a new path for the future.

I must put another wash on while on a break from the book sorting. So far we've put 60 children's books aside for charity! And I don't think we are even halfway yet. And we are still keeping plenty (some will be put in a storage tub for when baby gets older, at least that'll get them out of the way).

Sounds like this might not be the case for you but for me this is due to my menstrual cycle!! Seriously. I'll have like 2 weeks of the month where I am totally winning at life, and 2 weeks where it feels like the world is ending and I have no direction in life! I always knew it was hormonal for me, but I just realised these last 8 months of pregnancy have been lovely and level and that makes me ore convinced of the hormonal aspect!

I don't do it all. I'm a lp and the last time I managed to be up to date and tidy was 2009 before I was went back to work from my second maternity leave. Been winging it ever since.

This is me! Last week, went swimming three times, helped with homework, did a good job at work, house sorted etc. Today, not even had a shower. Wish I could sort it out as I think it is related to my menstrual cycle. Tried Agnus Castus on a friend's advice and it ended up messing up my cycle completely.

So last week I decluttered several rooms, had all the laundry done and put away, the kitchen stayed tidy, I’d finally organised the boiler service, made everyone exciting lunches for work and school, bounced out of bed at quarter to six every morning, exercised, showered every day, went to the shop to top up milk and bread as needed, had emails all printed and signed for school and scouts etc. Basically adulted like a pro.

Dear god, that sounds exhausting.

Can totally sympathise - this is me all over!

I also feel awful when I don't do the adulting for a while. The guilt is huge. (That other people are out there achieving things, earning more net and getting shit done). No one knows this about me, it's like my guilty horrible secret. I've been Luke this since I left home and went to university.

Procrastination is one of major problems...

Not sure how my cycle affects things.

Maybe we can support each other! I need to do a load of work tomorrow so I'll check back to see if anyone can motivate me!

Feel exactly the same way op, and I have bipolar too x

Gibdib I procrastinate too. I am great at organising social events and holidays but rubbish at sorting the house out. I do find housework so boring though I like the end result. So envious of people who have appear to have effortlessly tidy homes.