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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that he should apologise?

65 replies

LootTheRoom · 25/09/2017 20:59

Today at around 6PM I was breastfeeding my DS. I was starving but hadn't had time to start cooking dinner. DH walked past and I asked him if he could put the chicken in the oven (this literally involved taking it out of the packet and putting it in the oven).
He said no because he 'couldn't be arsed' I then started crying because I felt he was being selfish. He stormed out, slammed the door and went and played games on his computer while I continued to feed our son.
My husband has not apologised. He said I was being unreasonable and that he didn't want to 'give into all my demands.' I explained I was just asking for help and I felt the way he spoke to me was aggressive. It's also not as though he was in the middle of anything important and it would have taken him all of 5 minutes to put the chicken in the oven. We are now not speaking which seems completely ridiculous but he will not admit to any wrongdoing and is making out that I am the one with the problem.

OP posts:

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 25/09/2017 21:16

YABU. You should have got off your lazy arse and opened the chicken single handedly, remembering to season it and baste it regularly, whilst still breastfeeding singlehandedly. Let your DH relax with his computer games, he's an important man after all. And dry those tears woman!

please don't anyone take this seriously

EEandEmakes3 · 25/09/2017 21:17

I'd be sorting out meals for one and telling him to go fuck himself! I'm sorry but it's just pure meanness and what's most distressing is that I seem to be coming across a lot of these posts involving cruel partners who are just being evil to vulnerable mothers. Hope you're ok OP.

Bluntness100 · 25/09/2017 21:18

So you’re baby is still very new? Is he normally like this?are you normally weepy? Could it be you’re both struggling with a new born?

Original poster

LootTheRoom · 25/09/2017 21:20

Baby is only 2 months old and we are first time parents.

OP posts:

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 25/09/2017 21:22

Did he eat of the chicken? Like the Little Red Hen - you don't help out, you don't get any. What an absolute tossweasel, I hope he's currently residing outside the front door with your boot print upon his bottom.

Runlovingmummy81 · 25/09/2017 21:23

He needs to get a fucking grip. You are both parents. You need to both be doing housework / dinner / baby duties etc. Although let me guess they are all your responsibility....

Bluntness100 · 25/09/2017 21:24

Was it like this before the baby?

thatdearoctopus · 25/09/2017 21:26

How is he struggling, Bluntness? Apart from the stress of being asked to put a fucking chicken in the oven?
He's not the one who's gone through 9 months of pregnancy, a difficult birth, blood loss and problems establishing breast-feeding.
And if he is suffering, then he needs to give himself a slap and man up.
(Fed up with reading about so many pathetic (best-case scenario) or downright cruel, selfish and mean (worst-case) men on MN at the moment).

BoffinMum · 25/09/2017 21:27

LTB

Original poster

LootTheRoom · 25/09/2017 21:27

It was very different while I was pregnant he was really attentive and looked after me. He has also looked after me in recent weeks after the birth.

OP posts:

Level75 · 25/09/2017 21:29

I'm sorry Loot, this might make you feel bad but he sounds awful. I needed a.lot of support after birth and my DH literally fed me (as in put food in my mouth) for weeks. Has he been helpful previously? It's pretty full on even at 8 weeks and we were close to breaking many times.

Level75 · 25/09/2017 21:30

Ok he was a dick but it sounds a bit out of character. Babies can do that to anyone.

AdalindSchade · 25/09/2017 21:32

It's almost unbelievable that a man could behave so awfully in such a casually entitled way.

Original poster

LootTheRoom · 25/09/2017 21:33

It's not been an easy pregnancy or birth and I have needed a lot of help from him. I've been better recently and started to do a lot more.
The way he spoke to me today did seem out of character and I just don't understand where it came from. I especially don't understand how he doesn't think that he was in any way being unreasonable.

OP posts:

TheLionQueen1 · 25/09/2017 21:34

I hope you didn't cook the chicken!! I'd order a take away for me and thoroughly enjoy it whilst leaving him to strop. Added to that I wouldn't be cooking him another meal until he'd apologised!

Hepzibar · 25/09/2017 21:34

2 things - He actually said 'No I can't be arsed'?

And

Why didn't you put the chicken in before you started feeding baby?

You both sound a bit odd to me.

BewareOfDragons · 25/09/2017 21:37

So you've had a difficult birth, have had complications which have drained even more of your energy, and you're trying to breastfeed a two month old.

And he doesn't think he should pop the chicken in while you're breastfeeding, having seen all this in action and knowing you need to eat more and regularly so you can feed his baby?!?

Wanker of the highest order. I would suggest to him that your marriage is in serious danger of falling apart if he can't pull himself together and put his wife and child first when it's clearly necessary.

Witchend · 25/09/2017 21:38

On the face of it he sounds totally UR.

However I wonder if you do exactly what I did when bf. I used to start feeding dd1 and think of all the things I wanted to do and couldn't, and if dh was around sit there giving a list of things I was noticing.
"Oh the bin needs emptying, could you check and see if we've any eggs, could you nip out and see if..."
It took dh pointing this out (while he was doing what I'd asked) for me to notice and it became a bit of a joke between us, but I can see how someone might snap in the circumstance.

Penny4UrThoughts · 25/09/2017 21:38

WTF Hepzibar???

It doesn't matter a shiny shit why she didn't put the chicken in the oven before she started feeding the baby. It really doesn't.

diddl · 25/09/2017 21:39

"give into all my demands."

Bloody hell!

Does he think that you're asking him to do stuff for the sake of it then?

Shoxfordian · 25/09/2017 21:41

He's acted like a twat

Is this an isolated occurrence or a regular thing?

dadshere · 25/09/2017 21:41

Your husband is a nob. See a lawyer, get a divorce- you can do better, but probably not much worse.

user1480267413 · 25/09/2017 21:42

I am so sorry. Men can be awful. I was 42 when I had my daughter and my husband arranged a dinner party whenshe was eight weeks. I managed to arrange some food but asked him, as he came in from work {the pub} at 6.30 to put the cleaner round as I still had to bath my daughter. He gave me a hard stare, said "I don't keep a dog ... and walked out of the room! When I read that I don't quite believe it myself!!

TheLionQueen1 · 25/09/2017 21:42

^*Why didn't you put the chicken in before you started feeding baby?

You both sound a bit odd to me.*^

I can't even deal with that sentence @Hepzibar . OP Sounds odd for not putting a chicken in the oven before feeding baby!? Utterly ridiculous:

A. Who cares why she didn't? B. Why should she when there are two of them in this relationship and raising this baby C. Seriously it's just a chicken, she didn't ask him to climb Mount Everest.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/09/2017 21:46

He sounds like a prick. Bear in mind that you can delay/interrupt feeding for a minute to go for a wee/get a drink/grab some food/answer the door etc. Worst case your baby cries for a few minutes. If this was your second baby they would almost inevitably have to wait a bit sometimes because you're being pulled in different directions.

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