To want to confront the mum

[imjusthereforasec]

My daughter came home from school really sad, upset and confused.

Her friends turned on her at playtime, one of the kids apparently got her class to laugh and call her names, she thought this girl was a friend but has been increasingly getting meaner and meaner towards her. They are 7.

I am friendly with the mum, aibu to I raise it with her or let them sort it out between them.

I'd say tell her teacher first and take it from there. It also depends on how well the school is with dealing with bullying.
Hope your DD is ok.

If the whole class are joining in you need to speak to the teacher.

No. You speak to the school. They sort it out.

I wouldn't confront - but I would tell her and ask her to keep an eye out. They aren't too big to have mum watching out but they need to learn how to deal with nastiness.

To paraphrase Homer Simpson - some people are just jerks.

Tell the class teacher rather then the parent.

Agree with the others. Please speak to the teacher and not the Mum.

That's horrible for your DD. It might be a case of this particular girl has been mean to other children and singled them out like this. I would definitely bring this up wth the teacher.

I agree with the others, talk to the teacher.

Also try and encourage her to tell an adult when something like that happens so they can deal with it immediately

Fair enough kids fall in and out all the time, but This is not kids being kids. This is bullying. I'd speak to the teacher. Mind you saying that. If it were child upsetting a child. I'd want to know about it. I dispise bullies.

Do what any sensible parent would do. Talk to the teacher and report each incident as it happens

I sympathise but as everyone else has said speak to the teacher rather than the mum. Ime I have never found a parent not to be defensive and take their child's part when anything is raised about their child. I only ever go through the school now.

Hmm on the other hand the other mum might think you're being evasive and sneaking around when you could have brought it up informally first so be prepared for any weird comments or behaviour from her at the school gate

Agree speak to the teacher, but chances are they'll all be back to normal tomorrow!

Please tell her teacher. And encourage your daughter to speak up immediately to one of the supervising adults. There will always be a responsible adult around, and it is their job to help in situations like this.

Never approach the parent in a situation like this. It is almost guaranteed to cause more problems then it solves, as parents will immediately look to defend their children.

Teacher then Head if it carries on.

Absolutely don't speak to the mum. I did this once. Out of courtesy. Dd was almost 6 and her dd had scratched her all down her leg drawing blood in class and I told the teacher this had happened (in the IT room). The mother has never wanted my dd on a play date again. Even four years on. She actively recoils when I speak to her (infrequently).

The little girl is still sort of friends with dd. But last week she stole some of her food, threw it in the corner, stamped on it, punched her in the face and made her lip bleed "in jest" and two weeks ago bullied her at the girls birthday party. I won't be talking to the mother about it again, that's for sure. The girl has hardly any friends. God knows what possesses her to treat my dd like this.

If this little girl is doing this stuff at 7, I'd be wary and try and get her to have a wider friendship group. This is pretty nasty stuff tbh.

Thanks for the responses, I know you are right and as a 'sensible parent' ploppie ** i will be speaking to the school tomorrow. At home with a really upset child I just want to do something NOW which I know won't help anything but felt so sad for her.

Thing is that the girl in question only has a few friends and has invited my daughter to her birthday (only about 3 kids going)

Thats horrid mummy, I can imagine it is hard to hear that your precious child is actually a bully, i think in my situation it is when my daughter gets any praise the other child feels the need to knock her down, which is why I'm so worried as I don't want my daughter to stop trying so she fits in!

Defently don't talk to the mum. Talk to the school and they will sort it in school. The mum does not need to know that you have said anything. That was it gets dealt with in school and there's no bad feelings between you and the other mum.

Schools always ask parents to bring such issues to the school, not approach the other parent. One reason for this is because it's not that uncommon for kids to tell their parents a very... subjective version of what happened, whereas the school staff are more likely to have actually seen what went on and/or dealt with it at the time.

I learned the hard way that you never talk to the parents. One of our DC was being hit by another child and coming home with bruises and pinch marks. We told the school, they did little to nothing. Spoke to them again, and nothing. So my DH spoke to the dad of the child who was hitting ours. Big mistake. Nearly 2 years on I still get evil eyes from the mother.

I hope the school take this seriously and are quick in sorting all of this out for your DD. It is as awful for us parents as it is for them and you have my sympathies.

If things aren't better by the day of the party I'd have no problem with your dd having a 'tummy bug' on the day. Don't subject her to meanness out of school as well (and kids can be very sly about doing it so the fact there may be parents there won't stop it ime).

Further to my comment about my dds friend, the girl's older sister is pretty nasty too. I do really feel sorry for them because of their situation as they are adopted and their parents have now divorced. We've made lots of allowances for the girl because of her parents split. We have talked to dd about being kind to her, to make allowances and I feel as though it's really being thrown into dds face. To put it into perspective she's now had at least 4 mummies in her life (birth, foster, adoptive, new partner) but this really is too much now.

The key to keeping your dd happy is for her to have lots of friends. And to have friends and interests outside of the school group. Does she do any activities with other children?

It is usually the parents of bullies who won't have a single word said against their own child so you absolutely mustn't talk to the mum. The child who started this deliberately turned all the others against yours so we are talking about a child who is jealous of your child's position in the friendship group. By turning the others against your DD the other child improves her own position in the group, making them all be nicer to her as they are each afraid that they may be the next target. Bullies often do this to control situations when they feel out of control- maybe she has a difficult home life or is struggling at school and needs to create a situation where she feels in charge.
The teacher needs to make sure that all the children can empathise with each other and understand why your DD is so upset with what happened. Hopefully this will make the others realise that they have hurt your DD badly.
When my DD was in Year 6, something very similar happened to her and although the other children involved were mortified when they realised what they'd done, the main bully never forgave my DD and for years after she still accused my DD of getting her chucked out of school. She never accepted that what got her excluded was her own behaviour.

I assume your dd will go to the party, please don't leave her. You will then be able to casually observe. My dd was bullied because the father and his girlfriend weren't watching the situation. It's interesting that the little girl doesn't have many friends like my dds friend. I suspect my dds friend is incredibly jealous of dd as dd is very well liked and has lots of friends to play with. Perhaps it's the same with your dds friend?