To want to confront the mum

[imjusthereforasec]

My daughter came home from school really sad, upset and confused.

Her friends turned on her at playtime, one of the kids apparently got her class to laugh and call her names, she thought this girl was a friend but has been increasingly getting meaner and meaner towards her. They are 7.

I am friendly with the mum, aibu to I raise it with her or let them sort it out between them.

It's awful to think of our own DCs being bullied. My DD1 hasn't been yet thankfully but she's been excluded from groups of girls and left to play with her 'invisible fairies'. It's getting better now as we've talked to the school and her teachers ask various girls in the class to be 'buddies' to her. (She's adopted too and has Attachment Disorder.)

Re the party, it might be easier to let her miss it due to a 'tummy bug' as a PP has said. Or go with her and observe what goes on.

Definitely talk to the school, not the mum. I've found our school to be really helpful in supporting our DD1.

I really don't understand why parents get defensive, I'd be mortified if one of my DDs was unkind to another child.

I made the mistake of speaking to a parent of a known troublemaker. The dad was pig ignorant, I can see where the child gets it from

Bless Mittens. . Bullying in girls does incorporate exclusion. I hope your dd gets through this as the last thing she needs is nastiness from her peers. My dd found herself with no friends in for a while in yr1 when a girl turned against her (another girl btw) and forbade any of the other girls from playing with dd. This was subsequent to something her mother said to her about my dd. She stopped speaking to my dd for 6 months. You sound like a really strong mother from all your posts I read.

If my dd did anything like the things posted in this thread, I'd be furious. I would, however, like my dd to stand up for herself more. She takes after me in that respect. The difference is that unlike me, she is big and strong and could flatten the other kids, not that I'm condoning doing so. It would just be nice if she could calmly point this out to the other children so they'd leave her alone. I've got a book called Playground Politics. I'm going to give it another read. It's about helping children with strategies for dealing with bullying.

I'd like to read that book, Mummyoflittledragon, who's it by and I'll order it on Amazon?

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I remember how heartbroken I was when DD1 told me about her 'invisible fairies' in the playground. Then last year she mainly used to hang around with her little sister and her friends, which wasn't really fair on her.

I'm grateful that the school are supporting her.

I hope things get better for your DD too. You're a great mum yourself.

Thing is that the girl in question only has a few friends and has invited my daughter to her birthday (only about 3 kids going)

I can imagine a post from this "bully" girl's mom -- "DD's 7th bday party, invited 20 kids, only 3 coming. And now the ringleader of the 3 is threatening pull out! DD is shy and isn't into the girly stuff as the rest.They all gang up on poor DD, she has hardly any friends!"

Anyway OP, not your problem. Your job is to protect your dd. Definitely speak to teacher as ppl said.

The party is at the girls house and I've been asked to drop her off.

My daughter said that she is going to see if her friend is nice before she decides if she wants to go (I have a feeling she will be the closer we get to the party), she wants to ask her friend why she is being mean as that's not what friends do.

If she decides to go, you can always make an excuse to stay as you arrive. E.g. Your dd is feeling a bit under the weather or something and has asked you to stay. Your dd will have to be in on the fib and it's fine to lie sometimes.

Thanks Mittens. This thread has given me the impetus to write to dds teacher to tell her what went on last week. For those, who followed the email to teachers thread, I've sent it to the main admin address before there are any gasps .

This is the book. It's very long, which is why I never finished it. I hope the link works. www.ebay.co.uk/itm/like/311952728908?chn=ps&dispItem=1&adgroupid=48658149554&rlsatarget=pla-352335774423&abcId=1128956&adtype=pla&merchantid=7200824&poi=&googleloc=9046180&device=t&campaignid=856939625&crdt=0&ul_ref=http%253A%252F%252Frover.ebay.com%252Frover%252F1%252F710-134428-41853-0%252F2%253Fmpre%253Dhttp%25253A%25252F%25252Fwww.ebay.co.uk%25252Fitm%25252Flike%25252F311952728908%25253Fchn%25253Dps%252526dispItem%25253D1%2526itemid%253D311952728908%2526targetid%253D352335774423%2526device%253Dt%2526adtype%253Dpla%2526googleloc%253D9046180%2526poi%253D%2526campaignid%253D856939625%2526adgroupid%253D48658149554%2526rlsatarget%253Dpla-352335774423%2526abcId%253D1128956%2526merchantid%253D7200824%2526gclid%253DEAIaIQobChMI9Lv8o4zB1gIVHMayCh2trABREAQYAiABEgLeIvD_BwE%2526srcrot%253D710-134428-41853-0%2526rvr_id%253D1319373835116

Thank you, @Mummyoflittledragon, I've ordered the book now. It looks like a very good read.

How close are you? Friends wise. If proper close friends and you know friend would be receptive be honest. You're not sure about sending her for a sleep over because there's something going on at playtimes. You've left it for the class teacher to sort out as you've only got one side. Everyone has the off bad day. Just a hiccup in their relationship.

If you don't know her well or suspect poor reception, leave it to the school and quietly pull out of sleep over.

Or find a halfway house. She stays for a few hours but not the night sleep because random excise she's been waking in the early hours this week and ihas been quite disorientated

Its best to speak to school first, I once had a mum come up to me and shout at me to keep my daughter away from hers all whilst her daughter was sat playing with mine quite happily I had no idea what she was on about. She flounced off after her little dramatics and I spoke to the teacher who was utterly confused. Turns out this little angel has been telling mum nearly everyone in the class has been horrible to her taking it in turns on different days. Total rubbish sounds like the kid was an attention seeking little brat who always got her own way and never did wrong in mummys eyes. Head had strong words for mum and a few home truths, half the playground heard as the mum was relaying it to her friends like a shrieking banshee at pick up. I was very smug after that i do admit. Foolish woman she continued to make allegations against all other children and eventually her child left school, she was never invited to anyone's parties or homes. This is why its best to start with school first and see what they come up with .

Booked a meeting with the teacher, she was happy to go in this morning but gave the girl a wide berth!

Sounds good! Your dd sounds very wise.

You're welcome Mittens. I hope you find some interesting stuff. It is quite old but it's the best thing I've come across.

Thanks for the support mummy, I'm going to get that book. I think part of my issue is as I was bullied as a child I'm mindful not to project onto my kid. Xxx

I suffered bullying as a child as well, OP. It makes it so hard to think of our DCs going through the same experience, doesn't it?

I’d 100 go to school. Confronting a parent always ends badly as they will be instinctively defensive of their own children.

You are welcome. I was also was bullied as a child. My dd isn't good at sticking up for herself yet. However, one thing I'm teaching her is that the bullies behaviour is about them, not her so I'm hoping the impact will be lessened.