To put the entire text history online

[Katyjane12]

Hi MN, I have had an insane two days. The guy I have been seeing on and off for two years has been lying to me the entire time. He has a girlfriend (of three years!) which I discovered yesterday by doing some cyber supersleuthing. I found her Facebook page and photos of them together - then her email address - they are both actors. I emailed her and asked if he was her girlfriend - she wrote back and said yes and asked who I was. I told her I had met him online two years ago - she thought i might have the wrong guy so I sent her screenshots of a couple of texts and one has a nude photo of him. She asked me to call her and I did - we spoke for 45 minutes - it was upsetting for the both of us but I was as honest as I could be. I sent her some more texts and said to contact if she needed anything else or to ask me anything. He since blocked me on whatsapp but I have 7 months of texts from him. He called this morning and I recorded the call - he said he would be honest with me if we would just have phone sex as he needed to get his head straight - no joke. I sent the recording of the call to her - it has him saying he doesn't want to be with her and wanking to climax. She has written back to me saying it's not him, that it's a bad accent. He's completely screwed with my head - I knew there was something very wrong but this is beyond. I don't know what to do - just leave them to it? I feel that he may be insane.

Are they famous actors ?

You can't make others see him as you now do, if his gf has decided to stay with him then more fool her I never would but that's her choice how she accepts to be treated & wants to believe, your well rid if you ask me, move on & leave them to they mess of a relationship, don't accept phone calls, reply to texts just move on why you giving a man who has treated you as he has the time of day, is somebody like that worth investing anymore time in.... xx

Sorry, I'm a bit confused. Are you upset about him having a girlfriend, or are you upset set about him lying to you about having a girlfriend?

He sounds like a twat

You did the right thing already by ending it and contacting the gf.

Time to stop and leave them to their own decisions, you've made yours.

I know the pain of being lied to, then following up evidence. I phoned a woman that Ex had contacted, and she just didn't get it, didn't believe he lived with me. I couldn't push it. The rest was about my life and what I chose to do.

Not all men are like this OP ( I hope!)

Youv'e done all you can do, she knows the truth now even though she is denial. Don't post it online, It might feel like a good idea now but in the long run it won't make you feel any better. Walk away they're not worth it.

I wouldn't contact either of them again, and certainly not posting anything online...isn't that called revenge pron or something and the police could be involved ? (not sure of the exact details)

I think it was the right thing to contact her and show her proof, she deserved that .You shouldn't have recorded and sent her the call. That was just spiteful. You're veering into wronged woman/crazed ex territory. Leave it and block them both. Move on.

Just incase you ever find yourself tangled up in such a horrible situation again, the phrase:

He said he loved me but has wanted to take things slow

Is a big fat red flag. Telling someone you love them is not taking things slowly, so he is already giving you mixed messages, possibly on purpose to confuse you. Its a human habit, to pick out of a mass of information, the bits that suit us and ignore the rest. The kind of phrase above, is a sign that he is causing chaos on purpose to muddy the waters and stop you taking a clear eyes look at the situation.

All the best in your future relationships, you are well shot of this one.

You're unwittingly the OW - or were - and you're finding it hard that this is the end of the line. It's their relationship, not yours, and I think you're feeling sidelined.

The phone sex was pathetic and you know it. To send that recording to his girlfriend was an act of revenge, ie. you lashing out and not really caring where the blows landed. I expect in the cold light of day you feel a bit stupid but it's done now.

To be talking of putting this online is just yet more of you trying to keep it going. Don't. It will harm you in the end and people will be more 'WTF?' about you rather than him. What I'm saying is that you won't get what you want out of this which is some salve for your hurt feelings and acknowledgement that you were 'something' to him. You weren't but don't feel badly, she isn't either. Both of you being strung along by an arsehole. Don't be complicit in that now.

Delete them both as other posters have been telling you and put this sorry tale behind you as quickly as you can.

Thanks all - I texted her and told her he had called me and that i had recorded it - it didn't feel like i sent it as revenge - i hope that was not my motivation. I guess am just wanting to 'out' him as he is denying it all to her and she now is not sure what the truth is. I just wanted some answers - but I guess you don't get those from a compulsive liar.

No they aren't famous.

I hope he gets some help - what an awful situation. I was really just wanting to find someone to be be happy with - he's definitely not it.

It might not have been your motivation but revenge is exactly what it looks like. Unfairly, it is always the woman who comes off worst.

You're feeling hurt at the moment but you won't always. You owe her nothing and the best thing to do now would be for you to take some affirmative action and actively delete and block both of them. That way you won't be checking for updates and won't get pulled back into this drama.

Thanks lying witch - I agree - I think I am probably addicted to the drama of him keeping me at arms length and being in an unhappy relationship - such as it is. The girlfriends housemate has just texted me and wants to talk as concerned - I think will just have that conversation and then that will be the end of this disturbing episode.

Ah. I think it won't be the end if you are, as you say, addicted to the drama. The thing is, you stand to get more and more hurt. Is there no way you can just say to yourself, "Sod this, I'm worth more". and just delete all numbers that relate to this sorry state of affairs?

You do deserve more, much more than the scraps of 'purpose' that you're being fed but it's your life and I can see that nothing anybody says is really going to divert you from keep it going. I wish you well.

Katyjane12
Go on rise above this unholy shite and crap arrangement don't put it online.

Good decent honest men are out there it's just that sometimes therer're a bit hard to find. But don't let this shite hole suck you in any further!

You've had some good advice here so I don't know why you'd involve yourself any further by talking to the housemate. You've told this woman what's gone on, you had a bloody 45 minute conversation! She knows ok? Even if she's pretending it's not him, realise it's herself she's pretending to.

At this stage it would be just grubby to do anymore, be it putting texts on line or talking to her friend. Doing anything more than what you've done so far would not be for her benefit (no matter how much you kid yourself that it is), it would be all about the drama.

I'm glad you've decided not to put it online. A school mum I know did that recently and the gossip in the playground was all about how embarrassed people were for her. Sympathy too, but mainly embarrassment. Better to keep your dignity I think.

Exactly Coffee Op has no way of knowing that the housemate, even if concerned, won't then tell other people about what has happened. The other girlfriend has done nothing wrong, she really doesn't deserve to feel any more embarrassed or humiliated than she probably already does by being the subject of gossip disguised as concern

Jeez - no! And don't talk to the flat mate either! Walk away with what is left of your pride and try to move on!

darn it you can't even anonymously sell the story if he's not famous

Walk away now.

His girlfriend now knows. She can either end it or not, but its her choice. You appear to be trying to force her to behave the way you think she should, in order for him to be rightfully punished for his behaviour, but their relationship is nothing to do with you.

Don't contact either again. What happens next is now their decision, and you have no right to be part of that now.

oh and sorry I agree, I wouldnt talk to the flatmate, what good will come of involving another person in the drama? Particularly if the girlfriend decides against dumping him.

His girlfriend had a right to know about his sex life, I can't see how the flatmate has any right to know, even if she wants to know.

Too much drama.

OP is definitely going to speak to the housemate.

Don't put it online. Morally you might be justified, but legally you would be committing more wrongs than he has. Private communications are copyrighted and publishing them without permission would be a breach of this. Recording phonecalls without permission is often illegal, certainly sharing them is. Forwarding nude photographs to "prove it's him" is hugely wrong and in Britain would be deemed criminal.

Walk away. Delete everything he has sent you, and delete him from your life.

Methinks OP your still attracted by the drama, get over it please leave the flatmate well out of it!