Want to be treated respectfully

[sammie96]

For the past 18months a co-worker has completely blanked me. They talk right through me as if I’m invisible. It has effects on the job. Communication just doesn’t happen. I’ve brought it up with my manager a few times who have agreed it isn’t professional and would have a word. They just shrug it off and nothing changes. I find the situation embarrassing and it’s made me feel very self conscious. I’m currently working with my manager on something that a few others find a bit controversial and it’s caused a lot of debate. I overheard this particular co-worker giving their opinion on the subject today and a lot of whispering with another co -worker, it was very obvious they were talking about me, they had their back to the door and I heard them say to the other person “I’ll watch your face” which was asking them to indicate that I was entering the room. It was extremely uncomfortable. I spoke to the manager and their manager today who said they will speak to this person again. There is no reason why I’m being treated so differently by this one person, it’s actually really disturbing. I should of left a long time ago but I love my job and I wouldn’t see or speak to anyone for hours if I left. AIBU to expect to be treated respectfully by all co-workers? I feel my employer could of reacted better to this a long time ago, at one point I was told to sort it myself!

I still have a nagging feeling that this situation is so unfair. Everyone has a right to be treated with dignity and respect. Seriously thinking about raising a formal grievance. I called ACAS who have suggested this as a next step. I could ask others for witness statements but don’t want to put anyone in an awkward situation. There is a person who I met a few months ago who works with this ‘colleague’ in a different role. I don’t know her that well and see her in passing now and again. She told me about similar issues she had been having with this same ‘colleague’ and said she had threatened to leave at one point. I’ve managed to find her details and asked to meet up. Making everything official seems like a dirty move but the treatment I’ve received has been unimaginable.

This is NOT a dirty move OP! You have nothing to lose, sadly.

This person has been overtly and purposely going out of their way to bully you.

A formal grievance would go on bully's record... Even if this can't help you, it means the next person who complains will have a co-accuser.

So it will make it all the easier to sack this woman.

ACAS are right - dignity and respect all the way!

Are you thinking of retracting your notice?? I hope so...

Seriously, can't they sack this woman??

Without outing yourself - is this a private company you work for, rather than public?

My manager wanted a chat today. I was expecting her to talk me out of making a formal complaint but it was the exact opposite. I’m shocked, she and the boss said they will back me up. They even put my resignation letter away for now until I decide what I want to do. They don’t want me to leave. If I want to go ahead with the formal grievance I need to put it all in writing. It’s expected that my ‘colleague’ will get a formal warning.

I was all for just moving on but this level of support has made me think again. I’d love to stay. I can’t see things improving though which I mentioned today but she pointed out that it’s the principle and that if she doesn’t change her ways there will be another warning and then I think dismissal. I am a bit wary as to why they are being so supportive and encouraging, it’s really not what I expected, I’m normally of the opinion that if it seems to good to be true it probably is. Am I being to suspicious?

That's really positive. Perhaps other people have had problems and they're looking to make it official.

Please follow through with raising the grievance - ask them for their support in writing.

This person is a bully, she is probably doing this because she feels threatened by you and you are likely better at the job than her!

This has probably happened before and they want to deal with the problem at long last...

I could have written this post, OP - all the way up to the bit where the managers actually start taking some action.

The bully's behaviour is so incredibly similar to what I experienced, right down to getting cosy with the manager's assistant.

Does her name start with C by any chance?!

It felt very positive but I’m a bit wary about how supportive management are, it was the exact opposite to what I expected.

To previous posters - her name begins with an M and I am better at my job than her, strangely we went for the job at the same time but she got it. The first manager I mentioned the problems to 18months ago was the one of two who interviewed, I got a feeling that manager didn’t like me and I really suspected favouritism at the time, I was new to the area unlike M who she had known at least 4 years, I’d heard they gave M the job because she had been pestering them for years. The person who told me I hadn’t got it was so sorry about it and gave me the impression I was his choice and that if another job came up it would be mine and it was.