To think that children ruin everything?

[LyannaStarktheWolfMaid]

I was so looking forward to getting into a clean, freshly made bed today. DD (5) became interested when I turned, fluffed and smoothed the feather mattress topper. She looked on while I carefully unwrinkled a fresh fitted sheet. She watched avidly while I painstakingly plumped all six pillows. She even lent a hand while I changed the duvet cover, and listened to all my instructions while we put it on the bed together. We stood back and gazed with pride at our handiwork, soft as a cloud and unruffled as the water on a still lake. Then the little ratbag took a running jump, belly flopped into the middle, and gleefully rolled all over it until every inch resembled a badly flipped pancake. FML. 🙄

DS recently sabotaged my freshly laundered bedding with a used pull up. Fortunately he was still only wearing them as a night time precaution and that one had only sustained light use. It still sullied the moment though!

YY to baths being sabotaged too, again by a desperate use for that particular toilet. We have two alternatives FFS. Either that or my relaxing bath suddenly resembles a cramped, nudist family swim session!

@willowysnicket oh Jesus the cous cous. 😭

After deep cleaning the bathroom my 5 yr old DS will piss on the toilet seat and/or the floor, or forget to flush his 'bowel leavings' nasty stinky turds that leave big skids!, drop and spread big globs of toothpaste in the sink, splash mucky grubby water on every fucking surface, smear my creams/face mask on the walls, running the sink tap at the highest speed so it creates a tidal wave effect...

Yeah, kids ruin stuff

All the tales of bath-ruiners reminded me of Five Minutes’ Peace

My teenage son. In the middle of magic moments like watching a great sunset, or good conversation, or just a brilliant episode on a series, will either fart,, burp or rugby tackle me.

DD is my second and last child. I go back to work on Tuesday after mat leave. I had 4 precious days to myself while she was settling in at nursery. Every single sodding one of those has been interrupted, curtailed, hijacked or ruined by one or other of the kids and DH's inability to manage his time and diary effectively

Every. Sodding. One. And now it's too late and I will never, ever get that time back

yes, to the impromptu rugby tackling by large teen ds. drives me nuts

Whatwould, we've been reading that a lot recently. I do a very emphatic "to get away from YOU lot". I can't think why.

When I get to the crucial bit of any movie or programme, at exactly that moment DS will walk into the room and started yabbering away, I'll grab the remote and pause it, listen to him with great interest, 5 minutes later off he trots, rewind film a bit too much, watch it again and just at that crucial moment yep the little sod is here yabbering away again.

On the 3rd or 4th attempt I make a big performance of switching the fucking tv off because there's no fucking point in watching anything.

Guess who just walked in as I was typing this

My husband has been away and I was very careful to set the bar pretty low expectations-wise (I basically told him that if we were all alive and the children had eaten anything other than haribo by the time he got back, he should count himself lucky).

As it stands, I have done pretty well and have even managed to achieve some long-term tasks which we have both been putting off for years months, so I was feeling pretty smug about his return home tomorrow. In the time it took me to hang up my smallest child's towel after his bath, he managed to scamper into the spare room, climb up on the bed and do a wee right in the middle of it! I had no plans to change the bedding, no reason to, and now I have to do a load of laundry and remake the bed by tomorrow morning in order to maintain my air of breezy over-achievement!

Beautifully written OP. Are you a writer? If not you should be.

I should consider myself lucky. At least she didn't wee in it!

My lovely DS is a bath-ruiner. Just as I'm starting my relaxing daydreaming, he will burst in and ask, "Can we play 'see which objects sink and which ones float'?" He will then proceed to drop a variety of bathroom objects, from a rubber duck to a sheet of toilet paper, into the bath with accompanying predictions and commentary.

I went bonkers at DD1 just before bed time as I'm sick of cleaning the bathroom to have her go in and leave a trail of soap and toothpaste everywhere! The wet towel left on the floor, toothpaste smeared all over the sink, hand soap dripping everywhere. It had been perfect until she went in!

She's 10 ffs, it's not like she's 4!

It's not just children though - husbands are big fat ruiners as well! DH ALWAYS gets into the fresh bed before me - the bastard! And he'll decide that he needs to cook something straight after I've cleaned the kitchen and he'll use every pot, pan and splash water all over the granite work surfaces, which drives me batshit crazy!

I fantasize of living alone! I've told him that when the kids leave home and we eventually "downsize" I want to buy 2 semis next door to each other and we can each have our own house but he can shit his up how much he wants and then I can go back to my spotless house!

You mean when you think they're in bed and all is quiet and you and the other half think ;) ;) ;)
Then you sneak into the bedroom things start to move on and then you hear MUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY

OP,

Remind you of anyone?

Once upon a time, PolarBear had just had DD3, making three kids under five. They had had a lovely afternoon of cake baking and craft while the newborn snoozed contentedly in the sling. Dinner was bubbling in slow cooker. PolarBear had even blow dried her hair.

Just then, The Toddler does enormous shit in potty which is CRAWLING with worms. While PolarBear panic-Googles, The Preschooler cuts toddler's hair with the scissors which were left out after aforementioned crafting. DH walks in to everyone in tears and the stench of shit. The End.

LBOCS2 I’m glad people still read it. It was one of my favourites when I was little. Have you read the other Large family books too?

Freshly cleaned carpet, baby having some nappy free time, needless to say never has a shit been so disheartening

Sitting eating my dinner, with my 2 year old son eating his (a small portion of the same food!). He insists on sitting on my knee and for me to feed him from my plate with my fork.

I decide my favourite child everyday based on who sleeps through my bath and who wakes screaming within 5 minutes

My cat would do this freshly made bed was like catnip too him he rolled all over them

The other cat would roll on freshly bleached floors and counter tops

Come in from work and nursery pick up on a Tuesday after the cleaner has been.

If I'm lucky DH has been out and I get three or four seconds to enjoy the perfect land of wonder and hygiene that she creates for us.

Then DS throws everything off the sofa, pulls all his toys out, leaves splashes of (hopefully) water all over the bathroom and it's all back to normal.

If DH has been working from home it's virtually impossible to tell she's been 😖

This article is very helpful in organising child-related dreadfulness:o

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/sep/20/why-are-children-so-annoying-google

Fanjo and norks . .
Ruined.