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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

call from social services

65 replies

tattyrose567 · 20/09/2017 14:08

Had a call from social services out of the blue saying they had an annon tip off my daughter was being neglected not fed and that I was abusing drugs and alcohol! My daughter is my world im a single mum but i make sure she has everything ...designer clothes house full of toys ,she does dance classes three times a week and soft play- resturant trips libary visits ect I haven't even been out alone once since she's been born and I wouldn't know where to by drugs if I tried .I do have the occasional glass of wine but who doesn't ?? Why would someone do something like this!! they said they are taking it as malicious after me bringing her up to see them but I have suspicions it's my father as we fell out and he's not been allowed to see her . how can I prevent it from happening again or find out who did it ?

OP posts:

PlatformNineAndThreeQuarters · 20/09/2017 18:57

I re-read your post and hadn't read it right the first time, I get what you were saying now

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 20/09/2017 18:58

We were reported to SS...the person cited that my son was being abused. I won't go into the long and boring story but it didn't take long for the social worker to see through the ridiculous claim.

I was informed about it by letter on a Saturday and rang the duty social worker myself. We had to wait for details on Monday...that was a long weekend!

One short visit to us, one short visit to school...no further action.

Try not to worry social workers aren't stupid.

JugglingMummyof2 · 20/09/2017 19:06

Your 17 month old goes to dance classes three times a week? My DD's had been walking only 3 months at her age so I am very impressed by that alone. Reference the report SS will know it is malicious and it will sort itself out very quickly.

MyDcAreMarvel · 20/09/2017 19:10

Buying your dd designer clothes whilst your underage has holes is not a sign of a good mother.
You may be a good mother but don't over compensate and neglect yourself. It's either immaturity or a feeling of being judged.

coronalover · 20/09/2017 19:11

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this OP. You have absolutely done the right thing by going to see social services.

PurpleTango · 20/09/2017 19:12

Why are so many people being so nasty about OP saying her DD has designer clothes? Clearly she's using this as an example of how her DD is well cared for. Stop being so sanctimonious ffs. Not appropriate to share your little life tips about designer clothes being Unnecessary

Pointing out that designer clothing is not necessary for a child isn't being "nasty". It's reality. A child wearing designer clothing doesn't equate to him/her being any well cared for than a child who wears clothing from Asda or charity shops.

As long as the clothing is suitable for the seasons is all that matters.

If you saw a child wearing designer clothing who appeared scared of its parent, was too quiet, very thin, very pale and wore a worried expression would you prefer that to seeing a child wearing hand me downs which are not pristine, maybe covered in chocolate/yogurt/gravy who is behaving age appropriate, enjoying playing with home made toys, accepting cuddles from his parents and is apparent that he is enjoying life?

Designer clothing matters not a jot!

Greebz · 21/09/2017 17:22

Purple, I'm aware that children with designer clothes can be abused. What I object to is the way people are wilfully misinterpreting what OP's written as a chance to jump in and parrot, 'designer clothes don't matter', rather than being sympathetic and helpful. But I suspect you already know this and you're just spoiling for an argument?

UnicornRainbowColours · 21/09/2017 17:30

Statements like "she my world" boils me wee lol

She doesn't need designer clothes.

Gottagetmoving · 21/09/2017 17:56

Forget the designer clothes....it's irrelevant!

PurpleTango · 30/09/2017 04:09

Purple, I'm aware that children with designer clothes can be abused. What I object to is the way people are wilfully misinterpreting what OP's written as a chance to jump in and parrot, 'designer clothes don't matter', rather than being sympathetic and helpful. But I suspect you already know this and you're just spoiling for an argument?

So Greebz... What do you think about designer clothing on children? Do you think children are exempt from SS intervention because they are wearing the latest Gucci top and Armani jeans???

Albertschair · 30/09/2017 14:31

purple I think greebz has been very clear what she thinks about children in designer clothes.

I also think op has been explicit in her follow up posts.

Both are aware that type of clothing does not predict abuse. But op has explained that she was alleged to have no clothing for her child. She has actually lots of expensive clothing. Because it is important to her that as well as lots of love food and appropriate housing she buys expensive clothes for her daughter. Expensive clothes does not mean a child is neglected in other areas (although op it does sound like you neglect yourself a little. Do look after yourself as well as her!).

Albertschair · 30/09/2017 14:34

Op I'm not sure you can prevent another malicious person from making an allegation.

However. Cooperating fully with social services helps them to see quickly and clearly that there's no truth to them. Happens more than you might think. Of course they must follow up, but is very hard on you.

I think you did the right thing going to see them btw. Clear it up. Nothing to hide etc

graziemille · 30/09/2017 15:49

OP. You sound like a lovely, proud and caring Mum. I'm sure SS will see that and realize the allegations are malicious.
Spend your money on whatever you want for your daughter. As long as you're both warm, well fed and safe you're free to buy her whatever you wish.
Ignore the nasties on MN.

Jux · 30/09/2017 16:56

It's some sad twat trying to discombobulate you. Don't let them, whoever it is. Maybe you can feel secretly smug that SS have closed the file with minimal disuption to your, and your daughter's, lives? You know that someone has tried to bugger you up and they have failed, ha ha! Furthermore, they will be dieing to know what happened and they can't ask so they'll never know - SS will perhaps write to them and say they have no concerns, but what they actually want to know is the full story - how upset you were, how shocked when SS turned up (but they didn't, they just wrote) etc etc etc.

So saying and doing nothing, and getting on with your life, designer clothes 'n' all (and why shouldn't you, fgs, if that floats your boat?) will be the best revenge.

PurpleTango · 01/10/2017 13:14

Greebz - We are agreed that designer clothes don't matter in the child abuse stakes then? Because the bottom line is they don't!

A well cared for child is a child who is happy, cherished and meeting his milestones (except for children with additional needs of course) - regardless of what brand clothes they are wearing.

The best thing OP can do is invite SS to see the child for themselves. I am sure if all is well the case will be promptly closed.

The report made could very well be malicious. SS deal with a lot of malicious calls. Its only by seeing for themselves will they be able to reach their own conclusion. Designer clothing will be at the very bottom of their agenda.

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