In expecting a phone call/message/carrier pigeon?

[blahdyblahblah]

Almost 2 weeks ago now I hurt my foot badly.

I'm off my feet non weight bearing for at least 6 weeks. Maybe maybe months. And it's 50/50 that it'll need surgery. Possibly multiple surgeries.

I have a toddler at home and no family or friends near to help as we live very remotely.

Im feeling really, really sad that I've had no contact from anyone bar one lovely friend and my Mum once.

Apart from her neither family nor any of my good friends have so much as sent a text asking how I am.

Aibu in expecting at least my family to have given a shit?

I know I'm touchy as my period is coming soon and I'm getting quite depressed being off my feet and in pain with no real resolution in sight. Is my feeling abandoned just me being an over sensitive twerp?

Dh is being a rockstar though thank goodness.

I'm going from really sad to actually quite angry now.

Do your family and friends actually know you've been injured?

Do they realise the extent of your injury?

Yep. They definitely all do.

You being over sensitive. Asyou say they nowhere near so cant help.
But you could let them know how the foot is give them an update then they may or may not respond with texts of support. If that is what you need from them..?
Tell them what You want from them . But saying "please send me a text every day to ask how I am."..
Well how would you respond if it was them ?
Maybe just keep sending round robin foot updates so you initiate the conversations?

Do you speak to them often at other times? Or do you just expect them to call you because you are off your feet?

My BIL was in hospital. I don' think we sent a text and we definitely didn't call. But we barely speak to him at other times. Whereas, my sister and I are in regular contact.

I wouldn't expect people I hardly talk with, to call just because I'm unwell.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to ask for a bit of contact and love in the circumstances. To expect people to drop things and move in for a bit to help might be a bit much, but plenty of parents would do that for their DCs.

One thing I've noticed on Mnet is that families have very different expectations of help and engagement. In some, there is an awful lot of support; in others, almost nothing. As someone who comes from the latter group, I have to admit I sometimes look at the lovely, supportive families with some envy! But you get what you get, and there's no real point wishing it was otherwise.

I hope you feel a lot better soon. Pain is the worst.

Apart from my Mum I've not had any communication from anyone. Not even a 'sorry to hear'.

I'm not expecting anyone to constantly ask but I feel that to acknowledge it at least would be nice.

Neither of my parents are able to come and visit so I definitely don't expect that. But I know if it were ds I'd st least text every now and then to see how he is!

And I'm not miffed about the people I'm not so close with, just the ones I am.

I'll try to stop wallowing now. Probably not very productive anyway.

You're being perfectly reasonable in expecting some level of contact.

One of my friends broke her leg. I wasn't in a position to offer practical help but I texted every so often to see how she was. Another friend had an ill child. Again, occasional texts to check up. I know they both appreciated it and it wasn't a major effort on my part.

I guess it does depend on how much contact you usually have.

I imagine everyone in the world these days are in constant contact with each other via face book - except me! 'Cos i'm not on it

Are you not on FB? Do you have more weekly contact usually with the people you are disappointed by?

As pp says - if they know you've got DH and are too far away to physically help anyway i guess it's no good just texting 'are you ok?'.

Well if they know you're injured then I'm guessing you've spoken to them already

Just even a bloody initial "heard about your accident, hope you're ok." Would have made me feel like anyone gave a shit.

I'm not usually prone to feeling sorry for myself and it's a really bloody unpleasant feeling!!

With friends especially I'm realising that maybe it's a case of I'm not around to have fun so nobody is bothering. Making me rethink some friendships.

Family I'm just by. As the only girl in a large family of boys I know my parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts etc expect me to be there and supportive of everyone. And have been many many times. It's almost like that ridiculous boy girl thing of boys getting away with not giving a shit. (Like me catching holy hell if I don't send birthday cards) yet I don't think I've ever had one card from any of my brothers ever. Silly example but ykwim).

It's not a silly example, it's awful. They don't have to give a flying fuck about you, but you make all the running for them? Time to stop trying so hard with them, I think.

Just wait till one of them wants a favour. . I have a feeling your foot may be playing up that particular day.
Failing that have you a crutch you can bash them with next time you do see them?

That's sadly how I feel. Being immobile gives you waaaaay too much time to think and broad about things!

And the painkillers don't help with the paranoia either lol! I'm trying to only take them at night.

I am starting to feel that spiteful 'fine I won't be there for you when you need it' and hate it! Not how I want to be!

The crutches are excellent for tripping ds up when he's about to bolt or getting dh's attention with a gentle nudge if he's ignoring me.

I know how you feel.

My DD (age11) was off school, ill and awaiting surgery to remove a tumour for 3 months then at home recovering for another 2 months. I saw my brother once in that time, confided in him that I was scared, lonely and could do with support. He did nothing, didn't even come and see DD after surgery. We saw him at my parents 2 months after the surgery, he didn't ask how she was just tickled her right on the scar

I went to see him after he'd had a minor op a few weeks ago and he didn't ask after DD once.

I guess some people just don't get it.

I should have said that I supported him through relationship break ups, looked after him in my own home when he was unwell, looked after his home while he went travelling...

Not any more though!!

It's sad isn't it? I've always been the person to go visit with cooked meals, gifts or send a card (for bloody everything you should see my card drawer ) and don't think I will be anymore.

I do realise there's no obligation to do this and I shouldn't expect it of others but a fucking "oh I hear you've had a bad injury" would be nice.

Incidentally I did get lots of lovely and supportive comments on my Instagram - FROM PEOPLE IVE NEVER EVEN MET! They've cheered me up no end!

I can imagine it's actually way worse when it's your child. I'd be heartbroken if ds was seriously ill or injured and nobody bothered. There'd be no coming back from that.

YANBU to feel a bit hurt, but I wouldn't turn it into a big thing. Everyone has so much shit going on in their own lives and it's sometimes hard to do the things we know we should do for others. It doesn't mean they aren't thinking of you. Also it's easy to mentally minimize a foot injury, without realising how it might really be impacting you. I know I've been guilty of this in various contexts. I'm justifying it but I do think if you reached out and let them know you are feeling lonely and in pain, they would be responsive and you would feel better. Between loved ones it shouldn't matter who called who first and all that petty bullshit. If you do reach out and they still ignore you, THEN I would be really angry and upset.

I meant to say I'm NOT justifying it...

I was heartbroken. I've always found it hard to ask for help, but I did ask him. I remember saying even if he could just come and sit with me and chat about inane shit it would help because it might distract me from my overactive imagination taking the fear to another level.

It's hard when you find your brave to ask for help and get nothing back...

Nothing makes people flee like being needed during injury or illness.

Next time you see them, they'll all say they thought of you loads, but didn't want to hassle you and knew if you needed them they'd of helped.

Would they fuck.

Very true Kinky. I just don't want to reach out and get knocked back.

Sand - Have you said how you felt?