Hello. As the title says, I am seriously considering leaving my job as a midwife after only a year qualified. I knew the job would be challenging, and stressful, and the pressures that the NHS is under. I worked hard for 3 years to get my degree. It was financially tough and I have accumulated a fair amount of credit card debt to get by. I sacrificed so much for a career I wanted to do for years.
But I'm burnt out. I am constantly sick and shaky with worry. I am constantly put into situations where I feel unsafe and am looking after too many women. I have thought about leaving every day for the past 6 months, but feel utterly trapped due to the debt I have built up to do the bloody course in the first place. I am sick of crying or being on the verge of crying. I am sick of being so tired, of my daughter crying as I go for yet another shift I will be late home from. I am sick of the zero support from management, the 'sink or swim' culture. I am crippled with guilt at the thought of throwing away the last 4 years and what I have put my family through. I feel like a weak useless failure. I am utterly terrified of making mistakes that could kill someone. I feel like my head is going to explode with it all. I have an appointment to see my GP as I feel I am sliding into depression. All I want to do is lay in bed and cry. I can't eat or sleep properly. Just to top it off? I am 5 weeks pregnant so feel even more trapped as I can't afford to leave.
Has anyone left midwifery or nursing or similar and what did you do? Is there any light at the end of the tunnel for me? I can't go on like this much longer.
TIA x