To leave midwifery :(

[endofmytether111]

Hello. As the title says, I am seriously considering leaving my job as a midwife after only a year qualified. I knew the job would be challenging, and stressful, and the pressures that the NHS is under. I worked hard for 3 years to get my degree. It was financially tough and I have accumulated a fair amount of credit card debt to get by. I sacrificed so much for a career I wanted to do for years.

But I'm burnt out. I am constantly sick and shaky with worry. I am constantly put into situations where I feel unsafe and am looking after too many women. I have thought about leaving every day for the past 6 months, but feel utterly trapped due to the debt I have built up to do the bloody course in the first place. I am sick of crying or being on the verge of crying. I am sick of being so tired, of my daughter crying as I go for yet another shift I will be late home from. I am sick of the zero support from management, the 'sink or swim' culture. I am crippled with guilt at the thought of throwing away the last 4 years and what I have put my family through. I feel like a weak useless failure. I am utterly terrified of making mistakes that could kill someone. I feel like my head is going to explode with it all. I have an appointment to see my GP as I feel I am sliding into depression. All I want to do is lay in bed and cry. I can't eat or sleep properly. Just to top it off? I am 5 weeks pregnant so feel even more trapped as I can't afford to leave.

Has anyone left midwifery or nursing or similar and what did you do? Is there any light at the end of the tunnel for me? I can't go on like this much longer.

TIA x

Former mw here. See your GP and if necessary get signed off for a few weeks. Then liaise with OH and your mentor and ask for restricted duties for a while.working in AN clinic or Day Assessment is stil stressful and challenging but nothing like a busy delivery ward.

Deep breath and let yourself be supported. This isn't uncommon and doesn't have to spell the end. Pregnancy wont be helping. Not everyone is suited to fast paced delivery units. I loved AN clinics, community ans NNU. Its about finding your place and pace.

If your current hospital is unsupportive do consider moving as some are so much more caring of their juniors than others.

I feel so sad reading these posts. Hope you get help and can make it work.

Pm me if you'd like to chat more.x

I really feel for you. I think you should see the doctor and maybe get signed off for a bit and then make a decision. You are suffering from stress and anxiety so are not in a position to make a good decision right now.

Sounds like a nightmare and I fully sympathise.

Not me personally, but my friend did for the exact same reasons as you after two years. She still wanted to work in a care capacity with families and has retrained as a health visitor.

@matildathecat That is a good idea. After seeing GP I will arrange to see preceptorship mw and hopefully we can come up with a plan with occy health. It's in their best interest really isn't it as they're buggered if they can't keep staff! I do feel like a failure though if they put me somewhere else. 'Oh look that's the midwife who can't cope so they had to move her'. I suppose I just have to not worry about what people think :/

Thank you so much everyone. I am in tears reading these posts. I feel so alone sometimes with how I feel and just putting it out there and hearing from others who have been through the same makes me feel less lonely x

Do not underestimate the effect your own pregnancy is having on you physically and emotionally.
Work out your strategy. If i were you i would get to maternity leave by hook or by crook. Sickness leave. Then use maternity leave to look for something where you can use your skills.

What about a research nurse role....we have a couple of research midwives working in our team....mon-fri hours to suit....I came into research when my kids were little as I couldn't work shifts on wards
Been there now 10 yrs as a band 6....wouldn't ever think of working on wards again

I was going to suggest private as well. Both my Midwives started working for a private independent midwives only a year or so after they qualified. Their business works hard to ensure that the midwives have a good work/life balance. Obviously there is still the massive responsibility and on calls involved but you may feel more supported.

They are both highly regarded and I don't think they would have given a fig what fellow midwives thought of them .

It sounds as if the responsibility for someone else's health (and potentially a life) is too much for you at this stage of your career. Is this because you're newly qualified but not being supported enough by others to help you in working out when you should be intervening less/more? When you have more experience and confidence in your abilities will you feel ok about being responsible for someone's else's health?

If yes, then get as much support as you can and re-evaluate next year. If no, then get through until you go on maternity leave (take it as early as you can), take a full year off and return and see if it's better when you don't have pregnancy and newborn stress on you.

You can't go on like this. Take some time off sick, see your gp and rest.

Cope with the situation right now in any way you can. You don't need to make a final decision or long term plan right now. If midwifery isn't for you after all then you'll be able to side step into something else. Don't focus on that huge elephant in the room, ignore it, deal with it when you are mentally and physically stronger. Worrying over whether midwifery is for you is going to make coping so much harder. Right now, do whatever it takes to reduce the stress, whether that is go off sick, get support at work, counselling etc.

If this job is making you ill, ask your GP to sign you off work. Then go on maternity leave. Use that time to decide on a career path that works with your family. Use the whistleblowing procedure at your hospital to report your safety concerns. You have had some good advice here, and midwives are in such demand you could get a job at another hospital. Do agency work for a while? Private hospital? Researcher of nursing/ midwife topics? Life is too short for a job to be making you feel so bad. I hated working in University when I was younger so when my first child was born I was determined not to go back. Started my own business and haven't looked back. Perhaps you could look into your options and interests with a specialist career advisor or someone from your old college course?

@AJPTaylor - I agree and that's what I'm aiming for. If I can get to mat leave that gives me some breathing space and time to figure things out. I don't want to do anything rash!

@Stopyourhavering I'd actually like to do that but you need a few years experience from the roles I've looked at I think?

@OverOn You're exactly right, the responsibility, worry and feel that I am a hairs breadth away from making an error is currently too much. I do think the support is lacking and sometimes I feel like I'm just winging it as it's busy and there is no one to help me. Which isn't the way it should be, it's doing the women and babies a disservice. I will try my best to get some more support in place and at least last until mat leave x

I got anxious knots in my stomach just reading this post, this is me, only nursing not midwifery. Ironically, I've tried to hold on in nursing with the hopes of retraining as a midwife. Just this past month though I feel more than ever maybe I'm just not cut out for those intense, life or death situations and atmosphere. I get through them, and then I drive home crying and shaking from fear and anxiety, terrified I've done something wrong or the possibility of having done something wrong. Not having worked full time fully since qualifying hasn't helped my confidence, so although not a newly qualified nurse, I don't feel any better. I hate it, I hate so many aspects of the job, I hate the politics and bullying and the pressures. I can't wait to get out.
I always imagined community midwifery to be higher levels of responsibility as you're completely alone, would working in the hospital not be preferable as you at least have colleagues and doctors around? Best of luck to you.

Thanks @MilfordFound good advice. I've got so much in my head that sometimes I can't see the wood for the trees.

@scoobydoo1971 Life is too short indeed, we only get one and I don't want to spend it like this! i am constantly researching new career options. Great ideas on this thread and I'm taking it all on board :)

I'm going to echo what all PPs said.

Not a midwife but a HCP and can relate to so much in your post. I was a lot more years qualified and am still in the NHS but in the end it just wasn't worth the stress of staying where I was. I've moved sideways and also now do bank work. I will say though that I would not have got my current job with only a year's experience. I miss what I do but life is too short. The responsibility is so high. I will always regret the fact I left a truly acute unit as I loved parts of it but I couldn't do it anymore. Even the job I am in now is not sustainable long term for family life. I'll probably end up leaving the NHS altogether or just doing bank.

It is so, so sad what the NHS does to its staff . So many good staff lost.

I will say though the worst time in my career was my first 6 months. Go to your union as you have nothing to lose. Do you have a clinical education team? - some are supportive.

You probably know this but you will need to go back to the NHS for a certain amount of time after mat leave (usually3 months) or you will have to pay your maternity pay back.

If you have admin experience a sideways move might be possible.

YANBU .

Ah Kirsty sending you an unmumsnetty virtual hug. I could have written your post. I agree I actually felt better and more supported on the wards as even when it's utterly crazy you're not on your own. Community is actually incredibly hard. Home visits fill me with actual dread. Maybe I can negotiate a hospital return for a bit. Hope things get better for you my love x

OP you sound burned out. It's happened to me as doc and it's very unpleasant when it happens. Not to mention the additional pressures of midwifery and being newly qualified

Your GP will be supportive, they would have been through it themselves and know what it's like.

Main priority is your health; you need to be well to be able to take care of others, but yourself first

I was involved in an awful incident not too long after qualifying and it was awful. Don't want to give too many details. The pressure is insane and I work in a trust which has had a hard time. I don't know what changed, and some days it is still hard. I find the job does spoil my days off worrying about everything but i feel I can control my worrying better now. Sometimes I just think fuck it I am going to Tesco, BUT I do love my job and it's worth the difficult aspects.

Most of the junior midwives I know feel like this at least occasionally. I hope you are not in my trust suffering with this cos there are people who care, understand and can support you.

Op: Nurse here, nursing and midwifery are not easy jobs, and I can assure you many newly qualified nurses/ midwives feel like this at some time in their career. Have you got a supportive mentor or manager you can speak too (Matron maybe?). You are only a year out of qualifying, so you are still a newbie and learning all the time I imagine. It sounds to me perhaps you haven't had the support you need and your anxiety has escalated ( more so in the last few weeks because of your pregnancy).

I would ask to speak to a manager you trust, and get referred to OH. They might be able to move you into a different role for a while while you manage your stress levels.

Don't give up entirely on your midwifery career if essentially its what you want to do, there are loads of other options you can take (but perhaps now isn't the right time with a pregnancy). You could think about teaching, private midwife, community, lactation support, medical sales etc. But first thing is to sort your anxiety and stress levels and look after yourself.

I feel for you its not easy at all.

Does your NHS trust offer any counselling or supervision ? Anyone you could talk to. I am a Nurse but seriously considering leaving for good as the stress is just too much and causing me to suffer so much anxiety so I do understand how you feel. However I have done the job for 30 years so don't feel too bad about leaving but can understand why you wouldn't want to end it after a year. Could you look at alternatives, private midwifery, bresst feeding specialist etc ?? I know my friend who is a midwife does private scans and ante - natal work.

Why not just move to a different country where the health service is less screwed up? Or maybe you can tough it out and go into private asap? Then of course different trusts/hospitals will have different cultures-have you considered looking for work in a different part of the country?

Op, I was you! I did a year as Nqm and quit (well, my trust allowed me to take a career break first). He stress was awful. After some reflection I came to terms with the fact that I do not have the personality type to thrive in this career. I am a perfectionist, I am not thick skinned enough, and I'm just not cut out for dealing with life and death!

I decided to go into Health Visiting - the change in pace is startling! However, due to personal stuff going on I didn't end up finishing the course to fully qualify. Have you thought about HV?

I'm currently a sahm and wondering what the heck to do next! I know it won't be midwifery! For me, the hardest part was letting go of the notion that I'd wasted my time, failed etc. I am still passionate about the things that made me pursue midwifery - but it isn't he job for me. Now, when I chat to midwife friends about work, I am mostly relieved it isn't me anymore.

Sorry - not great practical advice here, but I can empathise a lot. Good luck.

It's not even the life and death stuff - I see a lot of that in my current job and am pretty good at both - it is the pressure of dealing with that in and amongst everything else which I found very difficult. I will always feel as if I sold out a bit but it has been worth it for me. If you could stick it out a little longer (with support) more doors might open for you though.

Don't mean to upset anyone who does struggle with the life and death stuff! I massively struggle with the workload and the constant pressure and stress that comes with ward / acute care (and lots of other areas too).

I have a nurse friend in the NHS and she went through exactly this - she was left on her own in a new role with little support. She's grown massively in confidence over the last year, but it was tough going as she wanted to get things right but didn't have the support there to get it.

Flag up that you need support and see if any materialises. If not, keep going until maternity leave starts - count in weeks at a time and it will fly by, keep saying to yourself only 15/10/5 weeks to go, I can get through this.