Talking about inheritance...

[thedinosaur]

Posted on here to get some opinions.

I have recently been discussing inheritance, wills etc with a friend as she thinks her situation is unfair.

She knows what she is getting when her older family members are no longer around, some land, bits of cash and property etc
She has a DP and 2 DCs with him, they are not married but planning on it.
As far as I am aware some of the assets will be put in her and DPs name or without any "clauses" so to speak I.e. Her DP would be entitled to half if they split.

Her DP knows this. They have recently talked about their own wills and she found out that his parents have recently written up/finalised the details on their wills in which they have put clauses which mean that all assets they pass onto DP and his DSis are for them only and spouses or partners have no claim to them whatsoever. Her DP agrees with their decision as he says it's their way of "protecting" him and DSis.
I think there's also something in there that says that in the event of death of either DP or DSis the assets go to other sibling rather than being passed down to the respective spouses/partners. (I think)

She says it makes her feel uncomfortable as she feels his family haven't accepted her and don't trust her. She says her family didn't put anything like that in the will as they know her and DP are a family now with their own DCs etc and whatever she inherits will just all become "family assets" so in her views DPs parents haven't accepted her as proper "family".

I understand her POV as she's looking at it from an emotional aspect as she is close with DPs family and just feels hurt that they might feel like they need to protect their son from her in that way.

I feel like his parents are just being mindful as no one knows what happens in the future, I have DC of my own and would want to make sure they're taken care of as a priority and I know not all relationships work out or end amicably. I don't think his parents did it because they don't trust her specifically, it's just "life".

I just wanted to put it out there and see what others take on things like that is?

In my experience most wills leave assets to the children, not the children and their spouses. The way his parents are doing things seems normal (so long as grandkids are provided for in the event of his passing early)

So if the partner were to die before his parents then his share would not pass to his children but to his sister? Have I understood that correctly?

I dont think it is usual for parents to leave their estate to the partners of their offspring.

This seems fairly normal to me. Both DW and I inherited from our parents and neither Will made any mention of spouses/partners.

Its the norm to just leave stuff to kids, not their partners as well. Her family is unusual/insane

I'm not sure if the divorce courts would see it that way, if it ever happened.

Knowing those plans though if I was the OP's friend I wouldn't be so generous.

To the people that said the court would decide - from what I've gathered (it wasn't super indepth) is that in the event they got married and later divorced there's a clause in the wills saying that she will have no claim to the assets DP received from them. ? Not sure if that's right/legal

And the grandchildren on both sides have their own separate assets that will go to them.

Not sure either @Anecdoche I know it is legal in some places, a couple I know live in Eastern Europe and they have recently made a will which states all assets inc land property etc go to their only daughter and her DH but in the event they divorced they become solely hers and they confirmed it has legal standing over there. Not sure if anything like that exists here in the uk though.

Pretty sure you can only exclude spouses by putting it into a trust (it's what my parents have done)

I think that's pretty standard, for the parents to leave an inheritance only for their own child (not spouse or partner) and/or grandchildren.

I know my in-laws did that (and warned me!) because they'd come across a problem before with a friend or relative and divorce. Can't remember the details of the problem now tbh, but not being in the will didn't bother me at all.

DH's parents died before his Grandparents and inherited his parent's share from one set of Grandparents, on the other side each grandchild had a specific bequest and the majority of the estate went to siblings. So it can vary!

They're not even married yet. It seems perfectly reasonable to me.

She sounds rather confused.

Normal to leave family assets to your adult kids not their partners. If not married she has limited if any rights to his assets anyway. If married and you get divorced all assets on table even inheritance. Family courts won't necessarily ignore assets in trust complex area but a clause in a will saying assets not to go to spouse on divorce won't protect it if judge thinks other spouse should have a share.

Strange. I feel it's odd when they're married to either mention the spouse specifically or specifically exclude the spouse once they die, they leave 100 too their son. It becomes the sons. If he wants to buy his wife a necklace worth 100 what's to stop him? It's odd. I understood if grandparents want to leaves things to grandchildren too Keep asset's for them but too actively Go out of way too exclude from a spouse I think is odd.

@DisneyMillie maybe that's what it is. I'm not sure if it's a will, a trust or whatever else. I don't know that much about all the different options.

@KERALA1 I do think she's a bit confused but I think it's probably just her initial reaction. I've known her most of my life and she's never been someone that puts much thought into "assets" and financial gain TBH, I know she's never been particularly bothered wether she gets anything from her family either.

She just seems a bit hurt I think especially since she pointed out to her DP that her inheritance would just become "family assets" rather than hers as she sees them as a unit and he sort of brushed it off.

Tricky. Maybe she needs to protect her asset's from him. But then sowing these seed's of doubt is sad.

So are the assets going into a trust? What I wouldnt like is the grandchildren being disinherited if the son dies and the assets cant be passed on but go to the sister. Why is it done that way? Honestly though, your friend sounds naive in the extreme, as do her family. Why put anything in her partners name? They are not even married. Pure madness.

Even if assets are "in a trust" they are not necessarily protected in a divorce. The best way to protect assets is to not get married which it seems this womans dp is doing as they are not married!

They are in the process of planning a wedding @KERALA1

I'm not 100% sure @PaintingByNumbers from what she said it's been made clear that it is somehow specified that the assets that go to their immediate children (her DP and his DSis) are going to go to them alone. In the event of a split respective partners/spouses will have no claims. Again not sure how or if that's possible.

There are several other assets and savings accounts set up for the grandchildren from what she's said.

I find I it incredible that people set up their wills so that if their adult child (with children of their own) dies, the deceased' share goes to their siblings, not their children.

So basically the children not only lose their parent, but also their inheritance.

I don't think they can do that at all without a in incredibly complicated setup.

But her problem, as usual, is not an inlaws will problem, but a DH problem. If my husbands parents told him that he would get their money etc but it was specifically ringfenced so I couldn't touch it he'd tell them to go fuck themselves. Your friends DP is not just fine with it but approves. Is that how you'd want to begin a marriage?

All she can do really is protect herself, he is very very obviously protecting himself. A prenup would be a good idea if she already brings assets, or just get future inheritances changed to her name only (still count as marital assets if they do marry though)

OP, have you advised her to protect her own assets from her husband to be?

Surely if her DP agrees with his parents that they should protect the assets from her, then he would want her to protect her assets from him?

I think his reaction to that will be very informative.

Its always distasteful when families fall out over what they will get when loved ones die. Also, its a pointless argument as all the money could have been used up in care home fees leaving no inheritance anyway!

However, the wills that I have seen have been written such that that if an adult child pre-deceases their parent, the adult child's inheritance would be split between any children of their own ie the grandchildren. If the adult child had no children of their own then their share of the inheritance would be assigned to other beneficiaries usually blood relatives of the deceased.
I've never heard of partners or spouses of children inheriting from parents. Certainly that's not the case for myself or my STBX. Hell would freeze over first!

She said that when they talked about it he said he is not interested in taking anything she has inherited from her family if everything was ever to happen between them. He sees it as hers only.

And he said he thinks she would feel the same way about his?

But he also said that he would always make sure no matter what happened that her and DCs are looked after.

To me it sounds a little bit like he wants to be in control of the assets. But I might be wrong as I don't know him that well.