Talking about inheritance...

[thedinosaur]

Posted on here to get some opinions.

I have recently been discussing inheritance, wills etc with a friend as she thinks her situation is unfair.

She knows what she is getting when her older family members are no longer around, some land, bits of cash and property etc
She has a DP and 2 DCs with him, they are not married but planning on it.
As far as I am aware some of the assets will be put in her and DPs name or without any "clauses" so to speak I.e. Her DP would be entitled to half if they split.

Her DP knows this. They have recently talked about their own wills and she found out that his parents have recently written up/finalised the details on their wills in which they have put clauses which mean that all assets they pass onto DP and his DSis are for them only and spouses or partners have no claim to them whatsoever. Her DP agrees with their decision as he says it's their way of "protecting" him and DSis.
I think there's also something in there that says that in the event of death of either DP or DSis the assets go to other sibling rather than being passed down to the respective spouses/partners. (I think)

She says it makes her feel uncomfortable as she feels his family haven't accepted her and don't trust her. She says her family didn't put anything like that in the will as they know her and DP are a family now with their own DCs etc and whatever she inherits will just all become "family assets" so in her views DPs parents haven't accepted her as proper "family".

I understand her POV as she's looking at it from an emotional aspect as she is close with DPs family and just feels hurt that they might feel like they need to protect their son from her in that way.

I feel like his parents are just being mindful as no one knows what happens in the future, I have DC of my own and would want to make sure they're taken care of as a priority and I know not all relationships work out or end amicably. I don't think his parents did it because they don't trust her specifically, it's just "life".

I just wanted to put it out there and see what others take on things like that is?

Well, the world is full of people who regret believing that. What can you do? Its like exploitation of the naive.

My parents wills were children and children of children. No mention of spouses.

Once the money has been inherited then if I got divorced I guess it could be argued as a marital asset.

I'm surprised about the clause in your friend's husband's parent's will (if they split it's his only even long after he inherited it) because if that was legal I imagine that's what my parents would have done. And they didn't. (I know this because my mum died and I was executor, but as my dad is still alive the passing to children bit was academic as it all just passed to him)

Surely it is normal not to include spouses of children the will. I suppose they could put it into a trust and stipulate what the money should and shouldn't be spent on but think it could be overturned in the event of divorce anyway.

She needs to get over it. No one has a right to inherit anything. Her parents can choose to do what they want, her partner's parents likewise. Whatever she inherits, from whoever, is not her choice.

I don't understand how people can know what they are getting in terms of land or cash ? Surely if the elderly parent has to have expensive nursing home care there might be very little left ??

@Babyroobs from what I know they have an X amount saved for DGCs , X amount for nursing homes and funeral expenses etc X amount for other bits plus there's also paid off properties and land that will go to DCs. I think they are quite ok off, not rich but very stable. They seem fairly organised.

It would be really sad if this became an issue in their relationship. The dp doesn't have any control over the choices his parents make for their own wills, and it would be awful of him to try and get his parents to change anything.

If one of my sons came to me and said their fiancé was upset that she wasn't included in my will, I'd be advising my sin not to marry her!

I think you should encourage your friend to let it go.

Babyroobs - If trusts have been set up then they can have a pretty fair clue.

Deed of trust OP. DEED OF TRUST!

@Hissy is that what it sounds like?

"They have recently talked about their own wills and she found out that his parents have recently written up/finalised the details on their wills in which they have put clauses which mean that all assets they pass onto DP and his DSis are for them only and spouses or partners have no claim to them whatsoever."

I think you have the wrong end of the stick. The could leave the money to children or children and spouses but no way of creating some kind of clause keeping the spouses out.

PiL's wills and my parents' wills were only for children. Not mention of spouses. Neither of us were worried or offended. DH and I and have no separate money so it makes no difference anyway. I know one of my brothers is in the same joint finance situation and one isn't.

Your friend is being very U.

I can understand why they would want to keep it from the spouse- you hear of too many situations where an inheritance goes to the widow and then passes to a second family - but i would have thought it would go to the (blood) grandchildren first- otherwise you disinherit one set of grandchildren at the benefit of the children of the longest living sibling

I don't think this is possible unless you have some pretty complex legal machinery in place. You'd need something more than a standard will, for sure.

I hate people who try to use money to legislate for all time. You can only really control whom it goes to, not how they use it/whom they share it with/how it is spent 3 generations hence. There is someone in my family who came into money late in life who is using it to try to control everyone forever, and it is driving everyone nuts.

That would be a very complicated set up. You can't dictate what someone does with money after they've inherited it, either by gambling or getting divorced, unless they don't have full and free access to it.

It's also unusual that if a child pre-deceased their parents that their share would go to a sibling rather than their children. Although the grandchildren already have provision then surely their parents share would most likely drift down in part to them, either by spending or housing and then by inheritance. To cut that out seems odd to me.

I can see why your friend would be a bit weird at the need to actually put in a clause against in. For balance I'd probably be hoping to have an agreement from DP/DH to also ringfence my own inheritance.

From what I have seen of wills amongst friends and family it is too easy for complicated provisions to end up doing the opposite of what the testator intended.

The grandfather wanted to name all his grandchildren in his will. This would have disinherited the grandchildren who were born after the will was written. Thankfully he was dissuaded from this.

The cash legacy which was enough for a house deposit at the time the will was written which by the time the testator dies is worth little and can come across as a snub. Or the cash sum left to a friendly neighbour can end up as most of the estate after the predations of care home fees.

@thedinosaur it’s what to ask the solicitor for to protect the investments you want to ring fence

gnome v true. I worked for a charity which had received a number of bequests-some quite large. However, some of these came with restrictions so detailed/precise that subsequent developments rendered the gift unspendable.

I don't understand why she is upset? If DH's family left money to him it is HIS money. He wouldn't treat it as that but if we separated I wouldn't think I had a claim to it? Same if I was left money?

I don't understand why she is upset? If DH's family left money to him it is HIS money

You wouldn't be upset if your childrens grandparents left their money to your childrens father on the basis that if he died they (
and you) are not allowed to have it,but it go to their siblings instead?

its all speculation we have no idea what this ladies in laws have said in their will!

^^ earlier op said there is money for the GC but that her dh share would go to sibling...so GC still get something just not DH actual share.

i think this is extreme myself but...

Our will leaves money to ,first equally to our dc, if dc predecease us then to their dc (our dgc) if dgc not around then to siblings. We haven't mentioned spouses and I wouldn't feel comfortable doing so.

Recent inheritance left to me - was clearly for me - by the way its written but clearly also by being my DH - to my husband. this wasnt written legally but was spoken about by word as for both as we are married and it will benefit us both.

if my DD our married with dc when I die I leave money to her and my GC but I know that money for dd will also be shared with her dh - assuming a normal married relationship.