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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Things that you've thought that were in fact absurd

915 replies

Pacificplaza · 19/09/2017 09:00

Inspired by another current thread: what things have you thought to yourself, and accepted as true, which on telling someone else have quickly transpired to be completely ridiculous?

E.g: I always thought that when drinking a hot beverage, that the misty effect observed should you happen to glance down into the cup was your EYEBALLS getting STEAMED UP in the manner of a pair of glasses. When I casually mentioned this at work everyone kindly pointed out that I was just... seeing the steam.

My car is an old banger with no air con, just the air blower. For my entire life until my ExDP corrected me, I thought you had to 'run' the hot air until it turned from cold to hot eventually in the same way you do the tap. Rather than just turn it on once the car's warmed up. The hours I must have spent grimly tolerating a stream of freezing air in winter .

I'm not normally a simpleton by the way, I've got degrees and stuff and mostly manage to function.

So please tell me I'm not alone!

OP posts:

Thread gallery

catsarenice · 19/09/2017 10:53

Shocked by wolverines being real too - they look quite cute (until they open their mouths!!)

Eliza9917 · 19/09/2017 10:54

FruBayerischOla Tue 19-Sep-17 10:25:56
Not me, but DP was once reading about Oscar Wilde having been in prison, The book/article he was reading used the old-fashioned spelling of jail, so gaol. He made a comment to me saying ".... Oscar Wilde was in Goole". It took me a few moments to realise he wasn't talking about the town in Yorkshire/Humberside!

I thought gaol was pronounced with a G, like garage. Kind of like Gaaul??

Njordsgrrrl · 19/09/2017 10:55

Wait! It's NOT illegal to have that light on? I'm ringing my Dad immediately.

BackieJerkhart · 19/09/2017 10:56

I've confessed this before under different usernames but I'll go again until I was in my early 20's I thought the white cliffs of Dover were painted white. I hadn't really invested too much thought in it (clearly) but I think I thought it was something to do with the second world war and painting them white so the British ships knew they were home when they saw the cliffs. I suspect it was some throwaway joke that my dad made tbh. He was always winding me up anyway I wish I could show you all the utterly horrified look my exp (who was Royal Navy) gave me when he heard me talking about how long it must take them to paint the cliffs. I swear I thought he was going to walk out and leave me there and then!

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 19/09/2017 10:57

Njordsgrrrl ITS A LIE PARENTS TELL YOU TO TURN IT OFF.
Shocking really.

redexpat · 19/09/2017 10:58

Theres a whole episode of this american life devoted to kid logic with very similar stories. Well worth a listen.

BackieJerkhart · 19/09/2017 10:59

Oh yes, as a child I thought that my mum's childhood was in black and white (because her photos were!) I remember asking her what age she was when her house got the colour (in the same way people used to ask when you got the phone in)

TwinkleTwinkleLittleEtoile · 19/09/2017 11:00

Related to the Channel tunnel thing, I thought that Eurostar trains went underground in London and didn't emerge above ground until they arrived in Paris. Then I went on one and realised. And thankfully didn't verbalise my thoughts to my travelling companions.

Joey7t8 · 19/09/2017 11:00

My mind is boggling at how people thought that the channel tunnel was built without flooding if it was just sitting on the sea bed, as opposed to being a nice dry 50m beneath it.

I can't laugh though, I also thought that men had fewer ribs, wolverines were mythical, and I was about 18-19 when I realised that wanking wouldn't make me go blind.

PJBanana · 19/09/2017 11:01

raises hand I'm another one who didn't know the car heater thing. I also thought it was illegal to drive with the interior light on, don't think I've ever seen anyone do it, actually!

I didn't realise that ducks could fly until I was aroud 22. No idea why I thought that.

burntoutmum · 19/09/2017 11:02

Oh wow really cats?! Well I've learnt something new today! I honestly thought you wouldn't be able to take the Fallopian tube out without taking the ovary with it

Njordsgrrrl · 19/09/2017 11:02

FakePlasticTeaLeaves

I feel so let down. All those wasted reading hours...

Mind you my DF also told me it was illegal to transport unopened alcohol in a car...

thecolonelbumminganugget · 19/09/2017 11:02

brightonbelle I think you are correct, vets do go up a cow's bum not the vagina. I'm fairly sure a vet friend of mine told me this years ago, you can feel properly where the calf is (and also feel for a fertilised egg to check whether it is in calf) if you tried to go through the vagina you wouldn't get past the cervix. Obviously to inseminate you'd go through her vagina but checking whether a cow is in calf is done through the bum.

I await a vet to adjudicate on this. I could well be wrong.

MaroonPencil · 19/09/2017 11:02

I have a friend in her 50s who thought that the horses who used to pull canal barges swam in the canal and was astonished when i explained thats what the tow paths were for!!!!

This reminds me of a conversation with DS when he was wee. "What do you think pulled canal boats before they had engines, DS?" "Swans?"

Mares eat oats/ Maizy dotes - it's both, that's the point of the song.

I know a ditty nutty as a fruitcake
Goofy as a goon and silly as a loon
Some call it pretty, others call it crazy
But they all sing this tune:
Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey
A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you?
Yes! Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey
A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you?
If the words sound queer and funny to your ear, a little bit jumbled and jivey
Sing "Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy

FruBayerischOla · 19/09/2017 11:03

Eliza. I'm sure that jail and gaol are pronounced the same howjsay.com/pronunciation-of-gaol According to this (if you have speakers) they pronounce it jail. And that gaol is just an antiquated spelling in the UK these days. But certainly not Goole, as DP thought!

Or are you thinking of goal - as in a score in football? Which is a hard 'g' howjsay.com/pronunciation-of-goal. And the 'a' and 'o' are the other way round.

PoopyPanda · 19/09/2017 11:03

My mind is boggling at how people thought that the channel tunnel was built without flooding if it was just sitting on the sea bed, as opposed to being a nice dry 50m beneath it.

There are tunnels like that though - the "immersed tube" type. There's one near me.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 19/09/2017 11:04

A friend of mine thought the moon was just the sun at night. She thought the fact it was illuminated meant it was emitting light. I explained it was reflecting light from the sun...I'm still not sure I actually convinced her as she still looked a bit unsure.

I'm just as daft - I thought seagulls and pigeons were the same animal, until really recently.

LittleRedWagon1 · 19/09/2017 11:04

When I was younger there was a shop on the main road of our town that was a 'Plant Hire' shop where you could hire machinery and what not.
At age 5 I truly believed that rich people, who were having garden parties, hired posh and exotic plants to put around their house and garden for the party. I didn't click until the shop closed down and remembered what I believed at a 5 year old.

Eliza9917 · 19/09/2017 11:05

It is illegal to drive with the light on.

Until about 19m ago I thought you could get pregnant at any time, and it was soooooo easy to do so. I had never been told about ovulation etc and just believed all the stuff they drummed in to us at school about if you had unprotected sex, you would get pg, just like that. Now I know that's not true.

BeatriceBeaudelaire · 19/09/2017 11:06

My flat mate thought ducks didn't have legs until she was 20!
She'd only seen them sat down or swimming 😂

Justaboy · 19/09/2017 11:07

We got my fil a learn to drive a steam train experience day for his birthday. He showed us the pictures and I asked which wheel was the steering wheel. Dh's whole family were there and they all just exchanged a look that said 'I knew she was a fucking idiot'. It took me ages to work out why there wasn't a steering wheel.

Excellent pressie for your FIL i might say!, but there is a wheel in some Diesel locos that might give an impression it is a steering wheel, it is in fact a handbrake!

Original poster

Pacificplaza · 19/09/2017 11:07

Oh well these are all very heartening! Just remembered one from a friend - she was at her boyfriend's house eating dinner with the family sometime in June. The conversation was about a relative in Australia and how they were getting fed up with winter. So my friend piped up "well at least it's nearly Christmas there"

OP posts:

BackieJerkhart · 19/09/2017 11:08

but checking whether a cow is in calf is done through the bum.

Poor cows! imagine getting to the GP to confirm your pregnancy and they tell you to bend over!

AlpacasPackOwls · 19/09/2017 11:08

Isn't having the internal light on in the car dangerous as it can make it difficult to see the road properly as it affects your night vision? So not illegal but not wise. That's what I was told.

SnowiestMountain · 19/09/2017 11:09

I had no idea potatoes were in potato salad until my early 30's

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