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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Things that you've thought that were in fact absurd

915 replies

Pacificplaza · 19/09/2017 09:00

Inspired by another current thread: what things have you thought to yourself, and accepted as true, which on telling someone else have quickly transpired to be completely ridiculous?

E.g: I always thought that when drinking a hot beverage, that the misty effect observed should you happen to glance down into the cup was your EYEBALLS getting STEAMED UP in the manner of a pair of glasses. When I casually mentioned this at work everyone kindly pointed out that I was just... seeing the steam.

My car is an old banger with no air con, just the air blower. For my entire life until my ExDP corrected me, I thought you had to 'run' the hot air until it turned from cold to hot eventually in the same way you do the tap. Rather than just turn it on once the car's warmed up. The hours I must have spent grimly tolerating a stream of freezing air in winter Blush.

I'm not normally a simpleton by the way, I've got degrees and stuff and mostly manage to function.

So please tell me I'm not alone!

OP posts:
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Mammyloveswine · 19/09/2017 21:44

Genuinely thought that kuala lumper was made up by Roald Dahl and was where the oompah loompahs came from! Took me a long time to live that one down!

Also-didn't know you got bats in Britain until I went to a museum and there was an exhibition about British wildlife...

Lastly-found out that gherkins are just pickled cucumbers!! Could not get over this for ages.

BewareOfTheToddler · 19/09/2017 21:55

Since having DS (2), my misidentification of animals in children's books has become legendary. Of note is the time I had to confirm that an owl is actually a bird. That merited a copy of "That's Not My Owl". For me, not DS, you understand. Blush

MadamePomfrey · 19/09/2017 21:56

I thought for years that it was ILLEGAL to drive with the internal light on in the car, and that you could genuinely get pulled over for this.

Oh dear I have made very judgemental faces and head shakes to card that do this Blush

I only learnt very recently the punch line of why did the chicken cross the road, could never get what the joke was meant to be till I read it on Facebook!

QueenMortificado · 19/09/2017 21:59

I only learnt very recently the punch line of why did the chicken cross the road, could never get what the joke was meant to be till I read it on Facebook!

Ummmm could you explain?? I thought it was just a shit joke....

cuckooplusone · 19/09/2017 22:00

Tishhope - I nearly lost one of my fallopian tubes when I had an ectopic pregnancy. They explained that the tubes are like little arms that can wave about and catch the egg from either ovary, so it doesn't matter too much if you only have one.

diddl · 19/09/2017 22:02

"I thought Lichtenstein was a made up place in A Knight's Tale"

There was an Ulrich von Liechtenstein!

Putyourdamnshoeson · 19/09/2017 22:07

The chicken crossed the road to get to the other side.

Like death. The OTHER SIDE.

The chicken died

Sorry.

winglesspegasus · 19/09/2017 22:08

eliza to put out a grease fire use table salt safe and wont catch fire like a towel will/can

peachgreen · 19/09/2017 22:08

@Putyourdamnshoeson ShockShockShock My mind is blown.

QueenMortificado · 19/09/2017 22:09

SHUT THE ACTUAL FRONT DOOR

I am shocked!!!

Putyourdamnshoeson · 19/09/2017 22:12

I could be all smug. But I literally only worked this out a year ago. DD7 asked and I just explained, like it was in my subconscious.

I thought I was super clever. Then I googled and it seems to be common knowledge!

DH was gobsmacked though.

gingergenius · 19/09/2017 22:12

@Putyourdamnshoeson mind = officially blown. I DID NOT KNOW THAT!!!

You have won this thread hands down!!

Minniemarshmallows · 19/09/2017 22:14

Wow!!!!
I didn't know that chicken joke either!!!

MadamePomfrey · 19/09/2017 22:14

At least you figured it out put I had to read it all broken down to get it!

MrsFoxPlus4 · 19/09/2017 22:14

When my husband and I got our flat before we bought this house I thought I had to put the water heater on for my electric shower.

Onetedisbackinbed · 19/09/2017 22:15

I was stuck in traffic next to a massive articulated lorry which had a side completely covered in an advert for cress. I commented to my dh that it must have a huge quantity of cress inside and who could possibly require so much cress to be delivered. It had never occurred to me that lorrys would carry anything other than what they advertised.... just took it at face value I guess

itsalwaysworkedbefore · 19/09/2017 22:19

Can't get my head around the chicken. I just thought she wanted to cross over to the other pavement. That is so f.....d up.

yolofish · 19/09/2017 22:21

omg the chicken crossing the road thing!! never ever thought of anything so deep.
and thank you to PP and the rampant chicken sex video. I still dont understand how conception takes place, but am reluctant to google.

NSEA · 19/09/2017 22:24

My friend told me recently that there is no north and south. That there is no top and bottom to the planet. Its just a spinning ball in space. There is no top or bottom!!! We just made that up as humans!

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 19/09/2017 22:30

I'm not sure about the chicken joke...isn't the joke that it is an anti-joke? That you expect a huge punchline and it's not one, rather then..it died?

Ducknose · 19/09/2017 22:30

I don't get the chicken joke 😳
I only recently realised that birds have little legs like people do, and can walk about, I thought they just flew around and had a rest on a branch or something when needed.
Whilst speaking of birds, my first boyfriend told me that flamingoes are pink because they eat shrimps. Now he was either pulling my leg or that is a little known fact...dunno 😂

DadDadDad · 19/09/2017 22:33

I'm a bit sceptical of that chicken crossing the road explanation.

Apparently (okay, Wikipedia, but it shows the source), it goes back to at least 1847 as (it would appear) an intentional groaner - an anti-climactic non-joke.

I think someone more recently has thought of the "other side = death" interpretation and now it's going round the internet. I'm happy to learn otherwise if someone can provide some evidence.

justdontevenfuckingstart · 19/09/2017 22:34

The chicken thing is daft, you could use any animal shirley?

DadDadDad · 19/09/2017 22:34

Cross-post: Fake, join me on the sceptics' bus (as we drive it down the road, and swerve carefully round the chicken Grin ).

Minniemarshmallows · 19/09/2017 22:35

Yes Dad I hope it's not the sad ending one!