To throw out my 19 year old son?

[WhatsItDoing]

Hello, I'm really hoping for advice on this. My son became disrespectful and a bit of a handful but nothing major in high school. Since then it's been mostly downhill, he's stolen from me (hundreds from my bank at one point after watching me key in my pin over my shoulder), his little siblings know they have to hide their money including birthday money etc or he will take it (they've learnt from experience). He still regularly steals from his dads car and wallet. He breaks things when he's angry and has no respect for our rules. He smokes in the house, comes in and out when he pleases often banging on his siblings windows at 3am on school nights because he's lost his key. Again. He hardly goes to college, has a pt job but still expects me to buy everything for him and doesn't help out at all. The final straw came today when he was physically pushing his 8 year old sister around because he wanted to use something that still needed wiping and decided it was her job to clean it(?). I went in to keep them apart and he pushed me 3 times. He then threw stuff around in a temper. His dad came in just then and told him to leave and calm down. He kicked a football which hit me and knocked me over so his Dad flipped, told him enough is enough after 3 years of this and threw him out with instructions not to come back. I'm torn now between relief and guilt. Any advice would be gratefully received.

As torn as you are, and as torn as you will be, he must leave. Although you say he was disrespectful in high school and that's nothing major, it was, and is major. Since then it's all been downhill you say - well from now too, it'll all be downhill.

It will continue to be downhill, the violence will increase, the abuse of you three will increase, it will all get worse unless he faces the consequences of what he does, and is removed from the home that he abuses, the money supply he steals from, the sister who he bullies and scares, and the parents who he has no respect for and physically attacks.

Please, I implore you, give him a date within the next few days when he has to return to get his possessions. Tell him his room will be cleared out, anything left will be binned, but he is on his own.

Please also remember, this is not a child. This is a 19 year old young man. Old enough to father, to vote, to join the army, to get a mortgage. Old enough to be totally responsible for his behaviour, old enough to treat you all with respect, and old enough to cope with the results of his choices.

My first thought is are drugs at the bottom of all this.

Yes he should leave.