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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to ask him to leave?

27 replies

UhOhSpaghettio · 17/09/2017 23:05

My ex and I broke up 4 month ago. I ended it and we did 3+ months of no contact at my instigation.

Last week he got in touch, was in the area, could he pop by and we caught up.. I stupidly thought maybe we could be friends.

Saturday he popped by. It wasn't as 'easy' as the last time and I felt uncomfortable. He kept fussing over the cat on my lap as an excuse to stroke my leg, pick off the cat hairs etc

Basically I said it was time he left for the bus and I was tired etc. He asked to stay. I said no but he asked again and again. I stayed firm and he dragged his feet about leaving and kept saying he'd probably missed the bus etc. I showed him the timetables saying he had a few buses left etc. He was just sat staring at me trying to do this intense puppy dog look but it was making me so uncomfortable.

He eventually left and I turned my phone off knowing he'd text. I woke up to a lot of lengthy messages about how I'd cast him into uncertainty and the dangerous night and how that shows what an evil person I am blah blah blah. All very dramatic and we will be permanently no contact now.

I mentioned it today to a friend and she said it was awful of me to make him leave, he could have gotten mugged etc.

For context, he's a grown man. There were multiple bus options and trains or taxis. I live in a city so he wasn't walking off down unlit country lanes or anything. It wasn't raining and was only midnight.

WIBU to "cast him into uncertainty"??

OP posts:
KeepServingTheDrinks · 17/09/2017 23:06

Ner, he was hoping for a fumble, possibly leading to getting back together and was disappointed.

BluePheasant · 17/09/2017 23:09

YWNBU. He is acting like spoilt brat because he didn't get his own way. "Dangerous night"?? what a drama queen. Would find that quite weird tbh! Dunno what planet your friend is on either! Confused

UhOhSpaghettio · 17/09/2017 23:10

Yeah he's proper thrown a tantrum now but when we caught up before he was telling me all about his new girlfriend and how happy he was so I thought I was safe on that one. I made sure he knew we would never be anything more then friends.

It's just, it does seem a bit mean to kick him out but I honestly wouldn't have relaxed with him in the house even in the spare room.

OP posts:
maras2 · 17/09/2017 23:11

Your ex is an ex for a reason.
Your friend is an eejit < and probably fancies your ex >

UhOhSpaghettio · 17/09/2017 23:12

I didn't reply but all I wanted to say was "FFS grow up you drama queen"

I think she felt I should have just let him stay to keep the peace.

OP posts:
Fluffypinkpyjamas · 17/09/2017 23:12

YADNBU he was chancing his arm and you weren't having any of it, good for you OP. Your friend is obviously a soft touch. As for casting him out into a dangerous night, wtf?! What a loser, how would anyone fancy that?! Grin

Maelstrop · 17/09/2017 23:14

He's an idiot. You were entirely right to get shot of him that night.

BluePheasant · 17/09/2017 23:14

But you didn't kick him out. It sounds like the plan was never for him to stay in the first place and he was just pushing his luck by stalling. Honestly don't worry about it!

PinkHeart5913 · 17/09/2017 23:15

You live in a city, with many buses/taxi etc and he could get home as you checked the time table, you didn't kick him out with no way of getting home. So yanbu

He wanted a shag and was disappointed when he didn't get one

UhOhSpaghettio · 17/09/2017 23:17

Exactly fluffy he sounded like a teenager begging for pocket money.

At the time the staring thing was really unnerving but now I think it's actually funny. You could see him willing the tears to start...

OP posts:
DD0314 · 17/09/2017 23:20

Good for you! Not unreasonable at all. He's an adult, it's not your responsibility to make sure he gets home ok. If he's worried about getting mugged etc tell him to keep himself in a little cotton wool bubble away from you. He sounds like an idiot.

Ellendegeneres · 17/09/2017 23:27

God what a baby. Yuck.

I'd be sending him a message telling him to grow up and not to contact me again if I were you. That's not someone you can be friends with. He sounds creepy

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 17/09/2017 23:31

Oh god, you were quite right, he was after a shag and if you'd let him stay he'd have pestered you all night.

honeyroar · 17/09/2017 23:33

I think "FFS grow up you drama queen" would've been exactly the right reply!

UhOhSpaghettio · 17/09/2017 23:37

I've just blocked him on everything and not replied. His last text was a long stream about how he needed to move forward and I obviously had someone else "in the fold so all good will to previous acquaintances is lost"

He has a bloody girlfriend himself.

I think this stems from the fact he asked to come by friday but I had plans. He was not-so-subtly trying to figure out what I'd done but I wasn't playing ball. He spotted leftover takeaway in the fridge and made some comment about how it must have been a big order if there was that much leftover.

OP posts:
tiredbutFINE · 17/09/2017 23:40

Does he play piano at all? Do you have long rapunzel style hair? Are you near Bristol?

UhOhSpaghettio · 17/09/2017 23:42

Um. No to all three of those things tired but I strongly feel there us a story there that needs to be shared....

OP posts:
honeyroar · 17/09/2017 23:42

He so thought he was getting back with you!

Do you think he really does have a girlfriend? Poor girl if he does! Yes, block and thank your lucky stars you got rid!

UhOhSpaghettio · 17/09/2017 23:43

Although... He plays guitar and we live near another city beginning with a B so close....

OP posts:
UhOhSpaghettio · 17/09/2017 23:45

honey he showed me a picture of her but that's no guarantee.

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 17/09/2017 23:54

Did he think having a 'girlfriend' already would make you jealous ?
Is this the puppy dog sad eyes he was doing

WIBU to ask him to leave?
quizqueen · 17/09/2017 23:57

Even if he'd missed the last bus, there were no taxis and it was pissing with rain, his means of getting home wasn't your problem.

UhOhSpaghettio · 18/09/2017 00:08

That's what he was attempting MaddHugger

It actually just looked like he's lost the ability to blink and had a surprise rectal temperature taken at the same time...

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 18/09/2017 00:14

What did you do when he was trying to pet your pussy ?

TheMaddHugger · 18/09/2017 00:14

'had a surprise rectal temperature taken at the same time...' Bahahahaha