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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to tell them that it wasn't ok

44 replies

Silverfeather32 · 17/09/2017 21:00

At bedtime my Dd and Ds ( 6 and 7 years old) started asking questions about the sad news of the family and volcano. It turns out a family member this evening spoke to them about the tragic story whilst i was not in the room. They were clearly upset about the story and were asking questions about being an orphan and dying in such circumstances. I reassured them as best I could and they've settled fine.

Aibu to message them that it isn't ok or appropriate to speak to my young children about distressing news like this. Or should I let it slide. Or am I over reacting being upset myself...?

OP posts:
bigchris · 17/09/2017 21:01

Have you got a link? I haven't heard about it

Original poster
Silverfeather32 · 17/09/2017 21:03

Im not sure how to link as i am new to posting. I hope someone comes along and is able to!

OP posts:
Phosphorus · 17/09/2017 21:05

My children were interested in the story.

They get that it's sad, but curiosity was their overriding reaction.

My youngest is 6, and we always have the news on and newspapers out.

I don't think most people would think it was an inappropriate topic of discussion.

Messaging would be ridiculous.

RJnomore1 · 17/09/2017 21:05

I think you're over reacting. Kids need to know sad things happen and have the chance to ask about it and be reassured in order to become confident they will be protected and helped whatever happens and to build resilience in them.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/09/2017 21:06

Was the family member speaking to other adults in the room or directly to the children?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 17/09/2017 21:06

I deliberately kept this tale from my DC as it's the kind of tale that would horrify them .

That said I know them and their triggers

Let it pass for now but maybe have a quiet word face to face when you next see them and gently mention it ?

purplemunkey · 17/09/2017 21:07

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-41243134

Original poster
Silverfeather32 · 17/09/2017 21:07

It was directly to the children as they were playing a dinosaur volcano themed make believe game together.

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 17/09/2017 21:08

Basically a child then his two parents fell
In a volcanic crater and left a 6 year old

They were overcome by the fumes x in happened in italy

allegretto · 17/09/2017 21:08

I think it's ok to say something but I would day it rather than msg. My ds 7 seems mature but certain things that his aunt has talked about/shown him have really upset him and WE have to deal with the nightmares. That volcano tragedy was extremely upsetting and I am surprised they didnt realise.

PerfumeIsAMessage · 17/09/2017 21:09

The one here in Italy about a week ago?
6 and 7 really isn't that young to hear in an age-appropriate way about bad things happening.
They will presumably have talked about the spate of terrorist attacks in the UK at school?
Think you're being OTT tbh.

RidiculousDiversion · 17/09/2017 21:10

I would (and have) kept it from my kids. I don't have the news on when they're around. I feel there is so much violence and hate and loss in the world, and they are completely powerless to do anything about it, so why tell them about it. I'm happy for them to watch Newsround or read First News, but they choose not to, and I'm not going to force it.

I'm not going to keep them in a bubble for ever - couldn't if I wanted to - but I'm not going to deliberately expose them to stuff that means I get woken up in the middle of the night by children having bad dreams, either.

missiondecision · 17/09/2017 21:10

I think yabu. If they are old enough to ask, you should tell them.
The tragedy happened in Italy, a extinct volcano site allows people to walk around. A boy walked close to a crater and fell in, possibly lost balance by fumes, iirc, parents tried to save him and the crater collapsed. A sibling had run to safety and survived. Very sad, very sad indeed.

ChasedByBees · 17/09/2017 21:11

Yeah that's pretty unnecessary.

purplemunkey · 17/09/2017 21:11

I think this is the story OP is referring to. It's horrible and incredibly sad. They may have asked about? I don't think it's necessarily best to hide this kind of thing or refuse to talk about it, but very delicate to navigate. Maybe ask how/why it came up?

BackforGood · 17/09/2017 21:12

I think messaging them would be odd.

Sad things happen. It makes sense for children to know that in quite a matter of fact way. Things will happen that they will hear about. You are doing them no favours byhiding it from them. Better they accept matter of fact information about sad events when it doesn't affect anyone they know in the first instance. Small dc are very accepting of things like that.

BoomBoomBoomBoooom · 17/09/2017 21:12

YABU! They are school age. They should know current news stories- better told from a trustable adult than in the playground with everything exaggerated.

Original poster
Silverfeather32 · 17/09/2017 21:12

I am very open to age appropriate discussions and yes i and my husband have spoken to them about events in the news as do they hear about it in school.

OP posts:
drivingmisspotty · 17/09/2017 21:12

Hmmm. If the kids were asking questions as they had heard something then that's okay but if they were just playing a game involving a volcano and the relative piped up 'ooh had you heard about that family DYING in the volcano' that is a bit weird. Are they the type that always has a horror story to add in an adult conversation and just forgot they were speaking to kids?

I'm bit sure i would text and tell them off but I would drop into conversation with them that the kids were upset and asking loads of questions and see how they react. They might 'get it's from a hint but if not I might politely ask them not to talk about things like that again.

That said, if not already your kids will soon be old enough to pick up these kind of things from school playground/front pages of newspapers in the supermarket/overheard on the radio news so expect to have more conversations like this in the future. And be glad as well that they felt able to bring their worries to you.

Original poster
Silverfeather32 · 17/09/2017 21:13

They never asked or knew about this particular story it was told to them as they were playing a game together

OP posts:
PerfumeIsAMessage · 17/09/2017 21:15

Are they upset?

StepAwayFromCake · 17/09/2017 21:15

My dc know that if something were to happen to us (their parents), they would be looked after by one of two family members whom they know and love.

Occasionally, when there's been some similar tragedy in the news, our dc will mention this, so I think that they are reassured by knowing that there is love and support ready for them, and that they would never be left alone.

LateToTheParty · 17/09/2017 21:15

www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/volcano-crater-deaths-italy-child-parents-family-three-killed-fall-pozzuoli-a7942616.html

I found it quite upsetting to read and feel so sad for the surviving son/sibling. It's not a story I would share with my sensitive 8 year old. I don't hide the news from him, we have Radio 4 or BBC news on quite a bit, but I didn't think he needed to know about it. He has a basic awareness from school and Newsround and home about the terror attacks, and subjects like the last US election and Brexit vote.

It might be worth checking what your relatives motivation was for telling them. I would be annoyed if they just volunteered details because it's an unusual event, but perhaps it was on the tv/radio/in the papers and your children were curious and asked about it.

Hopefully your children won't be too disturbed by what they've heard.

Original poster
Silverfeather32 · 17/09/2017 21:17

I am happy that they did speak to me about it and have asked in the past events they've heard from the school ground (mostly exaggerated) and assemblies where they have more questions.

However this has rubbed me the wrong way as it is a distressing story they haven't been aware of and I feel it was slightly odd coming from an adult when they were playing an innocent game.

OP posts:
drivingmisspotty · 17/09/2017 21:19

See, I just wonder why you would do that? There's no need is there to bring that horrible story into the room? But I do meet a lot of people who make conversation like that eg you tell them you have a sore foot, they tell you about their relative who died suddenly of an undiagnosed foot cancer...

It sounds like you and your DH are doing a good job of chatting openly with your kids and answering their questions. And while mentioning the volcano incident isn't the worst thing in the world. Still, just why?!

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