Aibu to tell them that it wasn't ok

[Silverfeather32]

At bedtime my Dd and Ds ( 6 and 7 years old) started asking questions about the sad news of the family and volcano. It turns out a family member this evening spoke to them about the tragic story whilst i was not in the room. They were clearly upset about the story and were asking questions about being an orphan and dying in such circumstances. I reassured them as best I could and they've settled fine.

Aibu to message them that it isn't ok or appropriate to speak to my young children about distressing news like this. Or should I let it slide. Or am I over reacting being upset myself...?

Cross posted there. It does seem wrong that they dropped the news into the conversation unnecessarily while playing a game together. I would be cross at the thoughtlessness.

Yes they were upset at bedtime. My son is a dinosaur enthusiast and quite sensitive. My daughter I am unsure as she remained fairly quiet and she is normally loud and chatty.

I am obviously a slow typer and cross posting massively each time but I agree with you it is odd for the adult to bring it up.

Which is why I think I would be having a chat rather than a text. A text might put them in their place but I would really like to know how they felt about the conversation. I think it would tell me something about their character and whether they had understood me and whether eg I would ask them to babysit my kids in future.

YANBU at all, its not the same thing but when i was 6 my cousin (14) told me some hideous ghost stories that really scared me and freaked me out for months. It definitely added to my anxiety as a child. Children should obviously talk about there concerns if they see things in the media but they don't need sad or scary things pushed in their faces.

Hmmm, it's hard. I wish I could protect mine from the hard facts of life but (a) I can't (b) I'm not doing them any favours if I do (c) reading classic kids books like Roald would be out.

Sorry that should be Roald Dahl!

The child entered a prohibited area, perhaps that was the point they were making.

It is your decision as parents to decide what you do and don't tell your children about life and current events. They will learn about the outside world soon enough. I remember being very afraid of the Cold War and the IRA as a child so I am very wary of what I tell dd. It is good your children spoke to you about it. I also wouldn't be ok with another adult deciding what is best for my children.

I would say something face to face - just gently. I don't have the news on around my 6yo. She has her whole life to find out about the sadness in the world. I do think 6 is too young to have to think about something like that. I don't think yabu.

YANBU and it's odd they mentioned it.

I don't let kids watch the news until around age 12 because it's so sensationalised. I might mention things important or reassure them if they've overheard something but I don't think kids need the full gory details.

I think it's a tale for older children, around the age of the eldest boy, about doing as you are told and respecting Nature/Barriers/ Warnings etc.

Given the circumstances, they didn't need to know about it.

I was a good reader, older than my years. I grew up reading Steven King and James Herbert. We had a neighbour who was in the Hitler Youth (I'm 49) and she told me stuff as did my Grandmother, who had a friend who was in Auschwitz. A program about the bombing of Hiroshima was left on the television, it gave me nightmares for around five years. The Adults around me dismissed any responsibility, because "I'd read/heard worse" and how was they to know.

But the point was, it was so easily avoided and unnecessary, why risk upset.

You're gonna get flamed for that one Mamabear. I was on a thread, where some parents were categorically saying they told their preschooler about the events happening in the country. This was possibly in the wake of the Westminster attack. Dd was 8 at the time and I kept Schtum. She knows about Manchester because everyone at school was discussing it. But that's it. She doesn't know about the very recent tube incident for example. I was told I was nuts by parents for keeping it from her. However, imo, there is so much stuff going on in the world that she really needs protecting from. Including as you say, the sensationalisation of the news. And with the little information dd has heard about what is going on in N Korea, she's worried. She has asked a lot about the missile strikes hitting us. She's a sensitive soul and dh I get to decide what is ok for our child.

I wouldn't talk to young children about anything potentially upsetting, unless they've asked. Depends on the child, of course, but some are a lot more easily worried and upset than others.

They will have to learn about all the horrible things that happen in the world soon enough - no need to burden them while they're little.

It was insensitive of the friend/relative to raise it, but the DC are going to see and hear about sad and horrible events sooner or later, and IMO it's precious to seek to cocoon them and ask others to do likewise.

I would have told my DS because it would be a conversation about following rules - the child that died ignored warnings

YANBU to want to say something, this would annoy me as well. There was no need for it to be said and has caused unnecessary upset. Do as PP have advised and say something in person if they are often around the kids.

We don't often see them. Maybe once a month, should I still wait until next time I see them?

Thank you for all the replies.

I'd agree that it wasn't ideal, talking to your kids about a sensitive subject without your permission.

However I do think this story is an excellent, although very unfortunate, opportunity to discuss risk, probability of such events occurring and the importance of following the rules.

I wouldn't put this in the same category of events as something like the Manchester bombing. Something like that is far more frightening and difficult for a child to understand.

It's not such a bad news story as you can emphasis the fact that the boy broke the rules and went past the barrier. very sad for this family, especially the boy left behind but we can reassure our kids that it was avoidable.