This morning I took his car having had the internal dialogue of which one to take and decided to minimise risk...he sent a shitty text asking why I couldn't have moved cars around as he had to get his car ready for his hobby which he was going to be leaving for 1.5 hours after I was due home. He wasn't speaking to me when I got home.
Oh, love. I'm so sorry. 
What a nightmare to have to struggle with yourself over an utterly insignificant decision that nobody else would even notice just to avoid further abuse, and still never be able to get it right.
It hurts my heart that you genuinely had no idea that other men were not like that, that other families were open and happy to share with each other. Your "d"H is an abusive monster who is holding you and your precious children financially hostage and controlling you in every way.
Please understand that NONE of this is your fault. It's not your fault when he loses it with you, NO MATTER WHAT HE'S ANGRY ABOUT; it's not your fault that you found him; it's not your fault that you've stayed with him; it's not your fault he has kept you in the dark; and it is especially not your fault that you didn't realise he was abusing you. LITERALLY NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
Many many many victims have no clue they're being abused, even when the abuse is quite severe. Abuse is not limited to screaming all day, incessant terror, constant berating and belittling, punching and kicking and choking or any other physical violence, being locked in the house unable to escape. Abuse is NOT just what you see in the films. Obviously there are horrific cases like what I've described here, but those, I would venture to say, are actually relatively rare.
An abusive relationship is not necessarily one in which there are no good times at all. Most abusers are fine, even lovely, the majority of the time, only every now and again... It's little things that add up to self doubt, being controlled, fear, being cornered, having autonomy and freedom slowly taken away in one way or another, and so much of what you've described here. It can be quietly manipulating you, subtly making you beg, ignoring and neglecting you, withholding things from you like sex, affection, information, money, whatever. Severe, incredibly damaging abuse can be invisible to others and difficult to detect, stacking up slowly and subtly over time, and it doesn't always leave physical scars or cause direct fear for your life.
You MUST get away from him, for yourself and for your children. You are being abused, manipulated, and controlled, and your children are learning from your H that treating a person - a woman, a wife, a mother - that way is normal and acceptable. They are learning from him that a person - a man, a husband, a father - does not need to provide for his family, does not need to care for and nurture his children, does not need to love and support his wife. They are learning dangerous and hurtful lessons about love, relationships, power, respect, and marriage from this man.
Now they need to learn from you that his treatment of you all is NOT acceptable, and that the correct way to handle such a situation is to get yourself and your family safely away from such abuse.
You CAN do it, no matter what you think you believe, no matter what he's told you, no matter where you are in life right now. There is loads of help and support for you, and the law is on your side as well. You WILL come out of this stronger and happier, and your children will as well. But you've got to get away and begin to heal as soon as you can.