Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that sometimes he should wait for me

37 replies

macncheesewithbacon · 17/09/2017 10:25

When getting ready to go anywhere DH will not get ready and wait, he has to be the last one ready. My DF was also like this and said he earned the money, his time was more valuable so we should wait for him. He'd frequently wait till we we all in the car (8 of us crammed into foot wells/the boot etc) then go for a PA shit for 20mins!

DH isn't that bad but it annoys me. Just now he waited till we were all completely ready then spent 5 mins finding phone/wallet etc. Apparently IABU as I take longer to get ready (I don't but somehow getting dc out the door is also my resp)

Sorry this has turned into a rant Blush

Aibu in my ranting? Do other men do this or is this a special kind of annoying reserved for me and me alone?

OP posts:
Subtlecheese · 17/09/2017 10:28

The getting the kids ready is your responsibility. Knock that crap right on the head. More than one child? Tell him you'll sort 1 he can do the other. Keep the momentum high.
Also. Drive off. Seriously, say you're leaving at x time and just go.

Viviennemary · 17/09/2017 10:32

Getting DC's out the door shouldn't be just your responsibility. But I do have form for being ready early waiting on DH then when he's ready decide I need to go to the loo, get a warmer coat find a scarf and so on. I suppose it must be really irritating.

Parker231 · 17/09/2017 10:33

Why doesn't he get the DC's ready?

DressedCrab · 17/09/2017 10:34

My DH isn't like that. We are usually all ready around the same time, if one isn't there's usually a proper reason..

Emmageddon · 17/09/2017 10:35

My DH used to do this. Everyone in the car then waiting 20 minutes for him to gather his wallet, phone etc. It's a form of control I think. I told him how annoying it was and that I would drive in future, rather than wait for him to be ready. He doesn't do it anymore.

MothratheMighty · 17/09/2017 10:36

Seems oddly PA, but then I'm the driver. So I have the option of leaving without someone who is faffing around.

Shodan · 17/09/2017 10:37

XH used to do that.

We'd agree on a time to go out. He'd sit on his laptop until 10 mins before, while I got ready, got the dc ready etc. I'd remind him that we agreed to leave at x o'clock.

5 minutes before he'd reluctantly close his laptop, then go for a shower, faff with his hair etc. We'd always be left waiting on the sofa, all dressed and ready to go, while he luxuriated in his morning ablutions.

Lordy I'm glad he's an ex! Grin

yorkshireyummymummy · 17/09/2017 10:38

Give a five minute countdown.
Tell him you will be ready - and the kids will - in five minutes and he must be ready too or you are going without him.
And as for getting the kids ready- I do t know why it ends up being the woman's responsibility. It just always seems to. In my case it's simply easier for me to do it because I can't stand the endless shouts of " where's DD's shoes/ bag/ hairbrush/ coat etc and I want my DD to look nice, not like she's dressed by a blind person. I think most men are similar- they either genuinely can't find things or they are all part of some secret club where they vow to not be able to find things so eventually our exasperation overcomes the desire to share the role. ( sometimes, just sometimes, I don't like men and secretly wish I was a lesbian as living with a woman would be much easier)

Shodan · 17/09/2017 10:39

Something else that really used to wind me up was he'd come out of the house with the car keys in his hand and wouldn't zap the car open until he'd locked the front door. I don't know why, it only takes a fraction of a second to open the car, but he always used to do it and it made me so cross.

The little things eh?

SandyY2K · 17/09/2017 10:43

My BIL does this. ..but only when going to an event on my side of the family. Very PA.

When it's his family he rushes the whole family.

My DH has dragged his feet in a similar manner, until I would say I want to leave at X time. If you can't make it I'll drive my car and go ahead of you.

Helps when he has to watch a match or formula one or anything else.

And of course when the DC were younger I always got them ready by myself.

kaitlinktm · 17/09/2017 10:43

XH used to nag nag nag till we were all in the car and then make us all wait while he rolled a fag. SOO glad he's an ex.

DoJo · 17/09/2017 10:44

I had the opposite - I would be gathering things up, packing, sorting drinks etc and my husband would go and sit in the car with the kids under the guise of 'getting them out of the way'. That left me to bring out all the coats, bags, drinks etc while they all sat there like lemons.

TBF, he did genuinely think he was being helpful and once I pointed out to him that it was annoying to be left to collect, pack and remember everything myself, he stopped doing it.

Laiste · 17/09/2017 10:47

Mine has form for suddenly needing a wee as we're all going out the door - but that's small fry compared to some here.

DD1 (24) annoys me when she announces she's ready and how quick she's been and how she was the last to start getting ready and now she's having to wait around ect. Well yes DD1! If all i had to do was brush my hair and put my lipstick on i'd be ready in 30 seconds too! However, you might have noticed i've got DD4 ready (3), packed her snacks/drink, swapped the laundry into the dryer and the next load on, put the cat out, put the rabbit out, locked all the back doors, rounded up the shopping bags and remembered the shopping list. All with one arm in my coat while hopping about with one shoe looking for my purse and phone!!

and breath ...

Fairenuff · 17/09/2017 10:49

I think you are a little bit unreasonable because this is how you have always let your dh treat you. If you want that to change you are going to have to commit to some serious changes in your own behaviour. Are you ready to do that?

AngeloMysterioso · 17/09/2017 11:09

My DH is the opposite. Gets ready early and then gets all huffy about having to wait for me!

ItWentInMyEye · 17/09/2017 11:18

My DP does similar, I'll have me and 3 DC's at the door ready to leave and he'll start tidying something or looking for keys. Drives me mad!

ememem84 · 17/09/2017 11:22

Dh does this. Far far less often than he used to though. We'll have to leave at say 6. I'll suggest he gets ready at 530 (depending on where it is we're going). He'll say he's ready at 545. Then as we're leaving he'll "just have to....clean teeth/put shoes on/ find jacket..." cue me pointing out that he's not actually ready.

He frequently keeps me waitin after work too. He finishes at 530. I finish at 5. If we drive I tend to walk to the car and wait there for him. The rule now is that I wait until 545 and if he's not there by then I drive home and he makes his own way. (Obviously if he lets me know he's going to be late I'll wait/go home come back etc).

I waited until 6 on Thursday and almost wet myself (38 weeks pregnant...) should have just gone home in hindsight.

Heratnumber7 · 17/09/2017 11:24

I think it's a man thing. The kids and I are always in the car when DH decides he needs a poo.

ZippyCameBack · 17/09/2017 11:36

My husband used to faff about when I was getting the kids ready, then, as soon as we were all ready to go, he would decide that he really needed a cup of coffee and would refuse to budge until he had one. We were constantly late for things because of his bloody coffee, but he always yelled at me and the kids because he reckoned we made him late.
I can't remember why he stopped, but I suspect it was some sort of epic tantrum on my part.

liz70 · 17/09/2017 11:36

Oh God, DH's father did this while we were still courting. We'd been at his house, then I had to leave to catch a train down to London where I was working. Offered a lift to the station then fussed and faffed while the clocked ticked by and I got more and more silently frantic, mouthing "HAVE YOU SEEN THE FUCKING TIME?! " to DH to be. I swear to God, we got to the station and I jumped out JUST as the train was pulling into the fucking station (through station so the train didn't hang about). Angry Never again - I'd have walked there if I'd known DFIL to be would have taken that long to get me there.

Bratsandtwats · 17/09/2017 11:37

I think some of you need to stop martyring yourselves and delegate!

Original poster
macncheesewithbacon · 17/09/2017 11:40

Men and their passive aggressive toileting! Ffs! This week I even read a thread on here where a woman's partner said he needed a shit whenever the baby cried! He must be a medical wonder if her baby cries as much mine did!

Grrr I'm going to drive off next time.

OP posts:
Original poster
macncheesewithbacon · 17/09/2017 11:43

I totally agree that

  1. DC are not my resp alone and tbf they are not little and get themselves ready they just have appalling time management as many kids do

  2. I should not be a martyr but it's hard as the timing is such that it would mean a heated discussion en route to family days out etc which I try and avoid for dcs benefit.

Thanks thou - nice to know I'm not alone!

OP posts:
IAmBreakmasterCylinder · 17/09/2017 11:47

We used to have minor squabbles about all being ready at different times. We now set a definite time we are going to leave and make sure we all know it and stick to it.

Appreciate it's easier with older DCs.

Today we are going to my DPs, we all know we are leaving at 1. So if someone is ready at 12.45 they can't moan at the person who is ready at 12.59.

It has saved us all a load of moaning!

SisterhoodisPowerful · 17/09/2017 11:50

This isn't 'men things'. It's controlling and passive aggressive entitlement. Life is too short to waste on men like this.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.