To think that sometimes he should wait for me

[macncheesewithbacon]

When getting ready to go anywhere DH will not get ready and wait, he has to be the last one ready. My DF was also like this and said he earned the money, his time was more valuable so we should wait for him. He'd frequently wait till we we all in the car (8 of us crammed into foot wells/the boot etc) then go for a PA shit for 20mins!

DH isn't that bad but it annoys me. Just now he waited till we were all completely ready then spent 5 mins finding phone/wallet etc. Apparently IABU as I take longer to get ready (I don't but somehow getting dc out the door is also my resp)

Sorry this has turned into a rant

Aibu in my ranting? Do other men do this or is this a special kind of annoying reserved for me and me alone?

It's not just you. DH sits on sofa while I reminds DCs to brush hair put shoes on etc. They take their cue from him and just carry on as they were. I remind them again that we're going on. He carries on sitting on the sofa, while I get ready. Then he yells at them because they're not getting ready and makes them cry. While I'm calming them down he nips to the front door and acts like I'm holding everyone up!!.

Not that I put up with it anymore!

I did a while of getting to the door or the car and saying to dp where's the nappy bag? Err.. are there nappies in it? Have you packed snacks? Bibs? Have you got his toys? Rain jacket? Water bottle? Did you close the window? Can you turn the heating off? The kitchen light is still on darling. He got it pretty quickly to be fair. In your case I'd start doing the same. Wait till he's done his 20 minutes then start yours.

DH is a faffer. I have very nicely said 'I'm leaving now , I'll let you catch up'. Then got on with my day. I know it annoys him but continuing with what ever plan we have keeps me sane.

I hate this so fecking much! It's a belittling implicit bias where men believe they don't deserve to be the ones left waiting on our "frivolous" female activities. Even though they generally involve the exact same processes as men do- emptying bladders, locating keys/wallets, putting on outerwear.

On time sensitive things I'd leave without him.
When time isn't important I'd wait until he was ready and in car (or wherever) and then make up needing something - give him a taste of his own medicine.

my dh is opposit-hes ready about 20 mins before an just sits there or starts pacing it really winds me up im not even late

Another ex who used to do this - one of his many PA tactics. And yes always left me to get the kids ready and any stuff we needed for all of us, like a picnic, while he looked at his phone. If I asked him to do it he'd huff and puff, deliberately fuck it up and start an argument and we'd end up upsetting the kids. Then when we were all ready he's start a 20-minute faff finding his shoes, having a crap etc.

And don't get me started on the bloody satnav! He could have got ready 20 mins earlier and then gone to faff with the satnav while we got ready, but no. We all get in the car, it's time to leave at best, usually late because of his faffing. THEN he starts fiddling with the satnav - even if it's somewhere we easily know the way to

I know it's not just a male thing as my SIL is like this too. But, I do think lot of men are like this, the PA stuff is a way of kicking back at being asked to pull their weight or do family stuff.

If you drive off though, in many cases he just gets some time to do what he likes and there's no pressure on him to bother, while you cope with the DC.

Ex used to drag his heels when we were out and had to get back for a babysitter. Refusing to end chats with people and taking ages to say his farewells. I would get really stressed as we were getting later and later for the the babysitter, so I would look like the uptight henpecking bitch nagging him to get a move on. Sometimes I did just have to go without him. Result - he gets to stay out as late as he likes, I get to rush home, apologise to babysitter, do the awkward chatting and paying, deal with any DC who wake up etc.

I have the opposite. He will have the DCs in the car, engine on, but they won't have coats, had a wee, all the lights will be on, back door and windows all open, tv on etc.
Only once did he send a DC back in to ask what I was doing and why I was taking so long

I just say we are leaving at x time, as in locking the door, and he's ready by then. I get ready first as it does take me longer, and he will start getting ready as I'm finishing or when I'm finished, but he's ready for when I say we are going.

Can't you do that, put a time on it?

My ex is the type that is always ready early so used to sit waiting (making me feel rushed) but when it was time to actually leave, he would suddenly decide there was something important that desperately needed to be done/found and couldn't wait (but didn't actually have anything to do with why we were going out in the first place). It was so bloody frustrating!