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AIBU?

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Original poster

To send a note to DD's teacher?

59 replies

GirlsWhoWearGlasses · 17/09/2017 09:03

DD (5) started school a month ago. I have been a bit concerned about what she's said about fights in the playground etc, but it hasn't directly involved DD.

This weekend she's told us that two of the boys in her class were hitting her in the line and she couldn't move away as she's not allowed to get out of the line. The teacher didn't see. It sounds like lots of small slaps, rather than a thumping.

I think that isn't on and want to send a note to the teacher to let her know about this. DW thinks I'm over-reacting. I don't physically see the teacher, so can't just quickly mention it.

She's my PFB and I don't know what's normal at school. WIBU to write to the teacher?

OP posts:
Dancinggoat · 17/09/2017 09:44

I would send an email asking the teacher to talk to your D about what to do if something is happening that is wrong. If the teacher tells her it's ok to move out of line to get her attention etc then your D will feel ok about doing it. I think that angle would be more useful

insancerre · 17/09/2017 09:44

Why can't you speak to the teacher?
Does someone else do drop off and collection?
Why can't they have a quick word?

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 17/09/2017 09:46

Send a note. I'm not sure why people think this is such a big deal. The teacher won't take offence, they can't see everything that goes on and will just be glad of a chance to sort something out...or know to keep an eye on DD for a bit.

I always tell parents that if I'm not there or I'm tied up then they should feel free to write a note or an email. It's just communication. I'd definitely want to know about this.

Notevilstepmother · 17/09/2017 09:49

Send an email or a note this time, The teacher will want to know what is going on. However for the future I suggest you role play with her at home and teach her to shout "stop hitting me" at them nice and loud for the teacher to hear.

Original poster
GirlsWhoWearGlasses · 17/09/2017 09:51

DD goes to and from school by bus, so no face to face interaction with the school.

I really appreciate the replies - DW and I are both reading them.

OP posts:
insancerre · 17/09/2017 09:53

In that case then a note is perfectly acceptable

keeponworking · 17/09/2017 09:53

How many times and in how many ways must the OP tell you that they cannot 'just pop in' to see the teacher at drop-off/pick-up?!

chickenowner · 17/09/2017 09:58

I think a note is fine too. Does she have a homework diary/reading record book or something similar where you can write a note?

I've mentioned before that I'm a teacher. I would not mind a note at all. I know that there are things happening in my class sometimes that I don't spot, as I'm only human and have one pair of eyes!

I think that if a teacher is offended by a polite note from a parent then that teacher has other issues that need to be dealt with!

BubblesBubblesBubbles · 17/09/2017 10:03

I'd email - as this way you have evidence if nothing happens or your dd gets hit again, (similar happened to dc1 and the school denied any form of violence/bullying and they also said I hasn't informed them head teacher wasn't impressed when I gave her the emails I'd sent)

StripyHorse · 17/09/2017 10:07

Notes are fine. The only thing to watch out for is to make sure the note cannot come across in the wrong way - as written communication often can. Something all along the lines of yogiyoni said would be brilliant.

StripyHorse · 17/09/2017 10:11

It is also worth while emphasising to your daughter too put up her hand - it takes a while to get used to the conventions of a new place - especially if you are only 4 or 5!

MiaowTheCat · 17/09/2017 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SandyY2K · 17/09/2017 10:18

I would call the school office and ask for the teacher to call you back. If they ask what it's about, say it concerns an incident in which your DD was hurt/ a matter of safety concerning your DD.

The teacher will get back to you.

I had to do this (I spoke to the teacher when I picked her up) DD was younger. She never spoke up, as she was so quiet and the usual naughty boys would hit her.

TheVanguardSix · 17/09/2017 10:21

Yes to a note.
But even better, email the school secretary asking him/her to kindly forward the attached letter (keep it to the point) to DD's teacher. Not for evidence! Confused This isn't an evidence gathering exercise. No one will think anyone is lying here. Their objective will be to support your child AND work with her bullies to help them learn better behaviour.

The teacher will want to meet, I imagine. Commit to a meeting. You ought to talk face to face.

SingingMySong · 17/09/2017 10:28

Note, email or phone the office. Perfectly normal.

I think we are too reticent sometimes. You don't have to go in all guns blazing and demanding what they are going to do about it, but mentioning as opposed to not mentioning it is fine.

disappearingninepatch · 17/09/2017 10:32

I don't think you need a phone call or a meeting. As a teacher, I have received notes about similar events so I don't think it's inappropriate. If the teacher knows, he/she can do something about it (tell the boys to stop and reassure your DD.)

Fairenuff · 17/09/2017 10:43

Although your dd goes on the bus, I would make an exception one day to take her in and have a quick word with the teacher.

The teacher will want to know and sometimes you just have to change your plans and deal with things directly. Especially when your dd is so young.

yorkshireyummymummy · 17/09/2017 10:49

Personally, I would ask the teacher to give you a quick phone call.
While a note is also a good idea the main problem with a note is that there is no toneality to it and people can take thinks the wrong way.
If you speak to her you can say that your daughter is not assertive enough to tell the boys not to do it or to move out of the line when it happens. You can convey a lot more information to somebody in two minutes than you can in a note - otherwise it becomes a letter/ missive!!
I did like the email idea of a pp so there is a paper trail.
I'm going to start to do that.
After I had spoken to teacher I would email a short message thanking her for phoning you in relation to DD being hit in the line at playtime.
Don't do nothing though- she's your baby and she needs you to protect her. Lots of kids are not assertive enough to defend themselves and she has come to you for help.

Littlefish · 17/09/2017 11:00

I'm a reception teacher and would absolutely appreciate being made aware of this, either by e-mail or note. In these early days of term, it's really hard to find a chance to phone parents back within a reasonable timescale. We are with the children all the time, all through lunch, and then often straight into meetings after school. At my school, e-mail is definitely preferred by the early years teachers if we don't see parents face to face.

HateSummer · 17/09/2017 11:28

I'd make time and have a word with the teacher at pick up or drop off. Why isn't it possible if it's something that is concerning you? I don't think these things can be discussed via notes and emails.

At an older age (6/7+) I find teachers get more and more annoyed of constant tell taling. How many times can a child go to a teacher and tell them someone is thumping them again? It happened to my dd. Dd has been told to punch/hit/kick back harder and tell the bully that she has older cousins who will sort them out and that her parents were really angry with the bully for slapping her. This child never touched her again. She's a happy good girl with friends, but she's not going to be a pushover.

Littlefish · 17/09/2017 11:54

HateSummer - your suggested approach is completely inappropriate. It's not a matter of being a "pushover". It simply teaches your daughter that violence is the way to solve problems. Is that a strategy you would be happy for her to take into adulthood?

catkind · 17/09/2017 12:00

Note or email is fine. I tend to email as my kids aren't reliable with handing over notes. Teacher would want to know.

Definitely don't tell your child to hit back/threaten people. Could get themselves in serious trouble, not only with teacher but if they try hitting back someone who's bigger and stronger than them and a teacher isn't watching. Much as we'd like to think bullies are all cowards at heart, they can also be big and strong and not want to lose face in front of their friends.

Plop5 · 17/09/2017 12:08

The teacher will want to know this. Ring the school office and ask for a call back or email nicely outlining what happened.

It's important your child sees you modelling how to responsibly deal with issues rather then sucking it up. Her feelings do matter.

Plop5 · 17/09/2017 12:13

No and don't get your child to stoop to the low level of the boys. It will fuzzy the picture, making it look like they were both at fault.

Kids shouldn't have to put up with being slapped or what ever. I'm sure no one slaps you in your workplace. Any school that thinks this is ok and the kids should suck it up will also have underplaying bullying and ethos issues.

Emeraude · 17/09/2017 12:36

I taught Reception last year. A note would be fine and I would appreciate it to be honest. If something is slipping under the radar, it is better to be aware of it early on. I wouldn't appreciate being asked to call a parent though. It's very difficult to find the time and when a simple note will do the job, there's not much point. An e-mail would be ideal as you have the chance to respond too but not every school has a policy of giving out teachers' e-mail addresses.

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