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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if it's ok to try to get in touch with an ex teacher?

42 replies

Fannylodger · 16/09/2017 18:04

I was a very difficult pupil. A victim of abuse (physical, mental, sexual and incest). I was an absolute rude, uncaring, mean, nasty and all round horrible teenager. If you'd heard some of the things I'd said to some perfectly nice teachers I think you'd all need to have a dettol bath just thinking about it makes me need one I was an asshole, I really was and I think some of the teachers may have really disliked me (I don't blame them, to an extent) In fact. One teacher went as far as to hurt me physically (I had insulted them, to be fair and I'd never pursue this as I would've lost my rag too). But there were 2 "teachers" mainly one. I regarded them as teachers but as far as I'm aware one was a TA and the other was an inclusion officer of some kind. Didn't teach a classroom and was trying to qualify to do so? I don't know specifics. Anyway. They are really what made me feel that I wasn't complete shite and I could do something and even though I ended up leaving school without GCSEs and doing nothing for a bit I've done okay since and I firmly believe they both really helped make me see I wasn't the useless prick my family made me feel I was. I would really love to get in touch/contact the school and ask to speak to them just to say thank you and maybe buy them both a bunch of flowers but I don't know if this is unreasonable/if they'd want that/if it's appropriate?
I just feel I should do something.

OP posts:
littlemisssweetness · 16/09/2017 18:05

The school shouldn't pass any of their details onto you as that would be a massive breech of data protection.

voxnihili · 16/09/2017 18:05

I work with difficult kids and love it when one pops back to see me, or sends an email. I'd say go for it, you'll probably make someone's day.

voxnihili · 16/09/2017 18:06

littlemisssweetness is correct that they shouldn't give their details to you, but you could ask for a message or your contact details to be passed on.

Papafran · 16/09/2017 18:07

I don't see why not. If I was a teacher, I would personally love it and I would be so happy that you had done well in life. Flowers

PurpleDaisies · 16/09/2017 18:07

I would love to hear from you if you were one of my pupils. The school shouldn't give out details but you could ask if they still teach there and send flowers/a letter there.

Papafran · 16/09/2017 18:08

The school shouldn't pass any of their details onto you as that would be a massive breech of data protection

Yeah, home address for sure, but surely that does not go for work email address?

Fannylodger · 16/09/2017 18:08

I wouldn't want any details like that passed on I more meant calling the school admin and seeing if they still work there/if so could I talk to them and then maybe sending a bunch of flowers after I certainly wouldn't want to knock on any doors or anything or any phone numbers/email addresses if there's I would feel like I was intruding if I did that

OP posts:
Liadain · 16/09/2017 18:08

Yes, I agree that you could ask for the school to pass on a message or your details, but not the other way around.

Personally speaking, as a teacher I would love to hear that some of the pupils I had in the past got on ok in life. I often think about some of them...

Fannylodger · 16/09/2017 18:08

Of theres* glad to hear some teachers would like it Smile

OP posts:
Liadain · 16/09/2017 18:09

Ahhh xpost. Yes I think that'd be a reasonable thing to do.

DriveInSaturday · 16/09/2017 18:09

I'm sure they would appreciate a thank you and would be pleased to know you are doing well now. It's worth getting in touch with the school. They might have moved on, though.

GreenTulips · 16/09/2017 18:09

You could ring and ask if Mrs X is available? You're hardly askingfor home address and personal phone numbers

Yes donget in touch of it makes you feel like you need too, everyone deserves some recognition for their efforts

Fannylodger · 16/09/2017 18:12

I think I'll do that Green I'd like to do something, even just saying thank you.
But if they've moved on I'll leave it at that.

OP posts:
TheZeppo · 16/09/2017 18:13

I would love an email or a card. It's fab to know you've made a difference to someone.

And that teacher should NOT have got physical with you.

Flowers for you. Sounds like youve been through a lot and are a strong person.

Fannylodger · 16/09/2017 18:14

Shouldn't have Zeppo but I don't blame them to be honest, though I know they shouldn't have Blush
Thank you Flowers

OP posts:
ihatetosay · 16/09/2017 18:14

take a letter into school passing your details on and what it is about then they can contact you if they want

pilates · 16/09/2017 18:16

I'm sure the school would have a website, you may be able to find out if they are still working there? If so, perhaps you could send a letter to the school to be passed on to them?

MrsPworkingmummy · 16/09/2017 18:19

I'm a teacher and have absolutely loved it when past pupils have visited the school to see me. Go for it I'd say - it's this kind of thing that makes teaching a class full of students like the one you were worth it x

Wolfiefan · 16/09/2017 18:23

Ask if they can forward a card? Even if they don't work there anymore I would be surprised if they're not in contact with a colleague or two?
I'm really glad some staff helped you. Please don't feel bad for anything that you said or did. You have clearly moved on and changed so much since then. It's hard enough just being a teen without having the awful stuff happen to you too.
Good luck. I hope you can manage to contact these people and pass on your thanks.

inniu · 16/09/2017 18:24

My Dad is a retired teacher and still gets letters of thanks passed on by the school from people he taught anything from 10 to 40 years ago

TweedAddict · 16/09/2017 18:26

Facebook?

BBCK · 16/09/2017 18:34

These are the moments that make teaching worth it. Send a card with your email details and a message. You will make someone's day. Most teenagers are arseholes at some point and usually come to realise it later. We teachers can also be arseholes at times but love it when we get to communicate on an equal footing with someone who understands that what went on in the past was a difficult but necessary process. As a teacher I have had several ex-pupils contact me to thank me for nagging them/believing in them and it honestly makes my day/week/year.

BootsMagoots · 16/09/2017 18:36

I would. In fact, I had a very similar situation in school but two people stood by me and helped me through it all. I'm 29 now but would call those teachers good friends these days. Definitely do it.

TheFrogWithLibraryBooks · 16/09/2017 18:37

I see a lot of 'my' pupils around and its lovely when they remember me!

I had a shitty horrible abusive childhood and was delighted when my favourite teacher joined the school facebook group!

He was so kind and caring when I needed it and made me believe I was a good person.

Anyway, I commented on an old class photo that he'd been my favourite teacher and that I'd spoken to my DGC about him- he was happy I'd said that and I nearly bawled at him remembering me and the lovely stuff he said back!

TheHungryDonkey · 16/09/2017 18:40

My old school doesn't exist anymore. If it did, I would ask them to forward on my most sincere apologies for behaving so badly in French Lessons 22 years ago. My poor French teacher. I was awful.