to ask if anyone ever has all their shit together ? If so, how ?!

[AlphaBites]

By that I mean :

Tidy and clutter free house
House paperwork all organised
Career going somewhere (!)
Neat and tidy clothes for all occasions
Dc's rooms are tidy
Life admin all organised

I look around my place and I can't decide where the fuck to start.

Seriously how do people do this ? I have started a routine several times and explained this to DH and DC several times, it lasts for a week maybe 10 days then it all goes to shit again and I'm fed up with it.

How do people do it all ? Or are we all just trying to continually keep on top of it all ?

I've come back from lunch at a friends and her place is immaculate complete with themed decorated rooms with matching soft furnishings and I thought how the fuck are people doing it ? or am I just lazy

No idea!! My house is usually acceptable for about 50% of the day. For that to be the case I do the dishwasher, washing (including putting away), sweep floors every day. Non negotiable and probably tidy at least 3 times on days off. Two on working days. DC don't spend time in rooms often. Youngest not old enough really.
We are nowhere near having our "shit together" but then we have a 5 & 2 yr old so I don't expect to!

Tough one but I think so. Top tips:

Spend a regular fixed time frame decluttering and be ruthless about what you keep - if it hasn't been used in 6 months unless it's a specialist item it goes out
Admin - deal with stuff as it comes up. Takes a few minutes daily to open post/check emails and respond
DC related - focus on forming good habits and repeat repeat repeat until they think it's normal behaviour e.g. clearing plates to sink after meals, putting toys away daily

I use the mantra 'if it takes less than a minute, do it now' and 'if it takes less than 5 minutes, do it today' and that works well. I leave bigger jobs for weekends but as I'm on top of the smaller stuff it's not a big deal to do that.

Career totally depends on where you are now and your future goals so only you can fix that

No. I just muddle through. But I'm very happy. I take that as a great victory.

Yes I have all my shit together but only because I am rid of my various useless husbands. Now I have time for all this instead of being Dobby the house maid.

Yes, I do now, but only because I'm 50, my children have left home, and I have a cleaner.

In my case DH and I tidy up before friends arrive and I'm good at winging it. So visitors think we're more on top of things than we actually are. In reality we're just muddling through most of the time, but that's fine for me.

I have none of those things lol. You would feel right at home at my house at least lol.

No. I don't and would love to.

We also do a massive tidy when people come to visit. Sometimes it's worth giving out an invitation just to make us do it. Otherwise day-to-day tidying I do around other things, but I don't work and have a cleaner. The place is not immaculate, some of the furniture needs replacing and some decorating wouldn't go amiss, but it usually looks better than usual when we have visitors

I know someone like this. She has a nanny and a cleaner to achieve it and a day off in the week but I have never seen her NOT have it all together

Tidy house. It's small and everything has Its Place, so tidying is easy. I bet a bigger house is harder to keep organised. I dust, hoover, put things back on the shelves. Doesn't take long. We don't over-buy. No piles of unwanted toys, no unwanted clothes. House paperwork... everything's paid by direct debt and I look at the statement, I don't really do much more than that. I pay stuff on time.

I self-taught myself the skills to get back into work in the tech sector. I had to prioritise this, so that was tough, but worthwhile and enjoyable. So now I have a career too.

I enjoy clothes and fashion so I am content with my wardrobe, but I don't go to formal occasions or parties or weddings, so I've no need for ballgowns or overly-elegant stuff. That probably helps keep this a simple and enjoyable task - it's not a chore. I never iron, as I don't own anything that needs ironing. Also I'm careful about what I buy and don't buy for the sake of it. I never say things like 'I have nothing to wear' or stare at a comedy wardrobe of untouched stuff. I wear everything I have and don't have as much as I think many people do.

I guess the first thing is that domestic chores need to be split between the family. My kids clean their own rooms, we split the cooking and cleaning. Two pairs of hands are better than one. I doubt I'd keep my shit for long if my DH didn't do a single thing. Another is to not do pointless stuff like ironing underwear and bedding and teatowels, or in my case, anything at all. I don't watch much TV; I study for fun (career-related skills and language-learning.) If there's a specific show I want to watch I will watch that show, but I don't just put the TV on 'to have a look' or see if something's on.

Maybe you just need a big clearout and a deep-clean and then address what you can do (paperwork) and what can outsource (cleaning) and who needs to pull their weight or who's doing too much?

I mean, ultimately tidying up our possessions and homes, wearing clothes that make us feel good and making the most of our careers aren't 'chores' or tasks, as such, they should just be the general day-to-day life stuff we enjoy.

I used to stress about being perfect, great tidy home, organised etc. Then I woke up one day and decided not to give a fuck. Your house didn't get messy in a day, and it wont get tidy in one day either, no matter how much you clean,and what de-cluttering fad you follow. Stop being unkind to yourself, you're probably more 'together ' than you think.

I probably appear to have my shit together. Much forward planning but also much last minute running around. I try and do things as they come in, so file post as soon as it comes in. Put toys away as soon as dc in bed. Doesn't always happen though hence the running around.

We are in chaos . We both work full time , have 4 kids (mainly teenagers )and 2 dogs. We just muddle through, the house is a bit of a tip. It is a major struggle to keep on top of the washing and ironing, provide a decent cooked meal each day and make sure the dogs are walked . The floors get swept every few days and bathroom done perhaps every two weeks. I could do with a cleaner but finances won't stretch at present. I just think it's totally near impossible to get everything done in the home whilst both parents working full time. I'm seriously embarrassed about the state of our garden, windows etc, to the point where I avoid inviting people round, but we are trying our best and both exhausted and not in the best health. Something has to get left undone so we prioritise.

There was a day in about 1998 when I had it all covered...

I have now yes. But I think much of it is my mindset.
I stopped caring that I wasn't this perfect person

Tidy and clutter free house. - well I do once a week, the day before the cleaner comes, and the day the cleaner has been and it starts to deteriorate over the week. (I got a cleaner 😂😂😂😂😂)
House paperwork all organised - everything all on direct debit
Career going somewhere (!) -hmmm be careful what you wish for, Im on a great salary but the workload to go with that is immense ...
Neat and tidy clothes for all occasions - yep. I basically buy black so everything matches
Dc's rooms are tidy (see above)

It can be done, but get help when you can, and when you can't stop worrying about it? No one on their deathbed ever worries that their kids bedrooms weren't tidy!

Our house used to be a total tip and then we decided to get a cleaner. We use a company and they send two or three cleaners every fourth Thursday. Every fourth Wednesday is spent madly clearing away clutter and chucking rubbish in the bin, it is getting easier as we now have less rubbish around.

I recon what we pay is well worth while to make us tidy up as otherwise tomorrow or never will do.

I know exactly what you mean op - I feel like I visit other people's homes and they are so together! My house is nice ( I think?!) but somehow feels unfinished and unpolished. But I'm not good with decor, lighting, soft furnishings etc and I think small things like that so make a difference.

I've done all those.
Consecutively, not all at the same time.

No where near having my life shit together nor personal/family shit sorted. Just when I start feeling smug something massive leaps up and snacks me in the face.

@butteredparsn1ps

This is the one advantage to my obsessive compulsive disorder.

I find a key component in being organised and on the ball is everything tidied back to its right home every evening and paper work being dealt with promptly and filed away.

i have all those things you mention in order.

BUT i am a bit neurotic and spend all my time tidying/cleaning/decluttering etc. Its exhausting. Its not relaxing at all. I don't think its particularly healthy actually.

I get stressed when the kids make a mess, today i forced myself to sit down with a cup of tea so the kids could empty out all the duplo, trains, farm and fancy dress around the house. I want them to enjoy themselves but at the same time im itching to tidy up!

today on the side i cleared out a whole bag of charity clothes, tidied my kids drawers and cleared my utensil drawer (washed every item and put it back).

I think the key to being on top of everything is just to keep going and never stop.

I would delegate to others present as much as I could. Alas in my case I can't delegate so I prioritize. After making sure there are clean plates, clothes, food in the house, appointments and work/school schedules are met, I do think it's essential that paperwork is kept in order. As well as having files to file it in - I keep a Now and a Filing file - the first has stuff that needs to be dealt with before it can be filed and the Filing file is stuff that has been dealt with but needs to be filed.

I can honestly overlook everything else as long as I know bills are paid and the paperwork is in order. Ideally I'd like a cleaner, tidier house but then "my house is in order" really.

I have pretty much everything in your list, OP, apart from the 'going somewhere in career' bit.

My career is fucked.

I really struggled to juggle career and parenthood after the birth of my first child so I ended up quitting before said career made me ill, and I've never quite managed to get back into the workplace since. I've been out of my professional field so long now (10+ years) that I'll probably never get back in, certainly not at the level I was at.

So I have a gorgeous and supportive DH, three lovely DC, do lots of rewarding volunteer work, am organised and tidy by nature, and so house is generally tidy and serene. I'm on top of paperwork and the ironing pile is manageable and the kids rooms look nice and yay, all is lovely.

But my career is fucked.

You know what, I honestly think that no one gets everything and that something has to give.

So I'm a SAHM and I'm on top of the household shite because I have time to do it, but I struggle self esteem wise because I don't work and have the operational stress and juggling act that many working parents do. And therefore I will always feel inferior to a WOHP. Then again, I don't know any WOHPs who feel genuinely on top of their household shite and they are all, to a greater or lesser degree, stressed and exhausted in a way I'm not (and that includes the ones who can afford to outsource the cleaning and childcare and gardening and ironing etc).

At the end of the day you have to compromise somewhere.

I know loads of SAHMs and WOHMs and I don't know anyone who would genuinely say that they manage everything on your list.