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Original poster

Paranoid or is this the reason? (Nursery)

33 replies

Dancingfairy · 16/09/2017 09:09

My child was signed up for a new nursery and we had are first settling in session on Thursday. I was told I could stay the entire session. I was sat down and also have a baby, after about half an hour she started crying to be fed. I proceeded to feed her (bf) and within about 5 minutes literally the lady told me she thinks it's better if I wait upstairs and rushed me out (even seeing I was mid feed not like she waited for me to finish) I said ok fine so went upstairs where she told me to wait an hour to see if my son would be ok without me then she would call me back down. Do you think this was the reason or am I being totally paranoid. Seemed rather odd to me.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 16/09/2017 09:12

I'm not really sure, but I don't think having you visibly there helps your son settle in and possibly they realised that. I'm guessing you're the only parent who stayed?

WorraLiberty · 16/09/2017 09:13

No-one here is going to know the answer to that.

Perhaps she thought you waiting upstairs might be less distracting for your child, which would make sense really as you'd be far enough away for him to have his independence, yet near enough to come and see him if he got upset.

FilledSoda · 16/09/2017 09:13

What do you think the reason was ?
I'm surprised a nursery would want you there for an entire session, there are other children there and you're presumably not vetted.
Might you have got the wrong end of the stick with the whole session bit?
I very much doubt it's a bf issue, it is a nursery after all.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 16/09/2017 09:17

That is what they said, to stay for the first session I definitely didn't get that wrong. Although it was odd anyway as there were only 5 children there, 6 including my child and they said the others hadn't started yet and that there 5 were there last year. Even if that was not the case is it normal to wait upstairs for 1hour? When I told my friend she thought it was odd aswell.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/09/2017 09:19

I don't know if it's normal, but it certainly makes sense to wait upstairs.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 16/09/2017 09:22

More sense than just to be told to go and come back later? Will be interested to know whats happened with other people who have had little ones start nursery.

OP posts:
Emboo19 · 16/09/2017 09:23

My DD had visit to nursery yesterday and they had said we'd stay with her, as she started playing her keyworker said we could go wait in the parents room to see how she was without us. We weren't rushed though we said goodbye to her and that we'd be back soon (we were advised it's best to do this not just vanish). Didn't go for hour either, that seems long for the first time being left. How old is your DC?

I'd be shocked at a nursery not supporting and promoting breastfeeding, so wouldn't imagine it was that. Of course I wasn't there though, so it's difficult to tell.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 16/09/2017 09:32

Yeh I really hope it's not that but just the way it happened surprised me obviously interrupting me mid feed, like I had not long latched her on and I had to stand up with her latched and get her off and adjust my top whilst walking! She told me to leave my pram aswell so I was sat upstairs with her in my arms for an hour (she didn't tell me it was an hour until we got upstairs otherwise i would have asked for my pram) son is 3 and first time being left with anyone other than me or my mum.

OP posts:
Emboo19 · 16/09/2017 09:32

We were told they don't get you to leave the premises at first, so you're there straightaway if they get distressed. We only did 10 mins though and her then her key worker came to say she was absolutely fine and had just started playing in the water so we could wait another 10/15 mins if we wanted.

My DD is 11 months so that might make a difference.

Allyg1185 · 16/09/2017 09:33

At the nursery I work in the first settling in session is 1hour where we fill out all the relevant paperwork regarding the childs routine, likes, comforters etc while the child explores the room. The next one is two hours where parents are encouraged to leave then either a morning or afternoon session incorporating a mealtime

ChocolateButton15 · 16/09/2017 09:34

It's probably because he was getting on well so they didn't think you needed to stay but wanted you to wait to be sure.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 16/09/2017 09:35

The nursery done a home visit where they done all the paperwork before he started.

OP posts:
SleepFreeZone · 16/09/2017 09:36

The only thing that struck me was do you think they might have been concerned about you having a bare breast out in a childcare setting incase it was a safe guarding issue? 😬😬. I'm grasping at straws but it's all I could think of.

Fruitcocktail6 · 16/09/2017 09:36

i work in a preschool and on a child's first day, if they are appearing happy, we suggest the parent goes and waits in the office out of sight.

Emboo19 · 16/09/2017 09:38

Honestly I'd have just said, I'll finish feeding first thanks.
Maybe they thought you'd be more comfortable though. When we were in the room we were on kiddie chairs, quite funny seeing DD's 6ft+ dad on a tiny wooden chair.

I was a bit of a pain visiting nursery's though as my mum worked in childcare are as do a few of her friends still as well as some who work for ofsted. So I had lots of questions and settling/attachment etc was a big thing for me. I picked the one I did because their views/ideas were closest to mine and I feel completely comfortable asking them things.

jaseyraex · 16/09/2017 09:39

For both my sons settling sessions, I was asked to leave the room after about an hour. They asked me to wait upstairs and have a cuppa so that they could easily come get me if the boys got too upset. I think you're reading too much in to it.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 16/09/2017 09:39

Every nursery I've worked in has asked the parent to stay on site for an hour for the first settling in session

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 16/09/2017 09:42

That's good I'm glad I'm being paranoid anyway as I wouldn't have liked that to be the reason.

OP posts:
Emboo19 · 16/09/2017 09:44

You see I completely bypassed any that suggested what Allyg1185 nursery suggests. I just don't think you can say visits will happen like this and that be it. No way I'd leave my DD for a full 2 hours for the first time.
No offence at all to you Allgy a lot of places said similar and I'm sure it suits a lot of parents. But it's not for me.

insancerre · 16/09/2017 09:49

We don't ask parents to stay for settling in because we don't have the space
We offer 2 one hour sessions but do have flexibility to adapt to suit individual children and parents
I doubt it was the breastfeeding

MrLovebucket · 16/09/2017 09:49

If it was anything to do with BFing, maybe they didn't want you to become the focus of a bunch of toddlers crowding round wanting to know what you were doing. Whilst I appreciate that breastfeeding is perfectly natural and there's nothing wrong with children seeing it, perhaps they didn't have time to explain to 5 children about the merits of breastfeeding at that point.

On the other hand they may have been about to ask you to move to another room anyway, to allow your child to ease into the session without Mum around.

If you were being very discreet with the BFing then maybe they didn't even know you'd started when they asked you to move.

Who knows, could be anything really Smile

Emboo19 · 16/09/2017 09:54

perhaps they didn't have time to explain to 5 children about the merits of breastfeeding at that point.

While I really don't think Op was moved due to breastfeeding. I would absolutely not be happy with any nursery that didn't have time to explain something (and that could be anything) to curious children.

WorraLiberty · 16/09/2017 09:54

More sense than just to be told to go and come back later?

Yes, for the reasons already given.

If he was upset, it would take a lot longer to come from home than it would to come downstairs.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 16/09/2017 09:58

I don't think you're being paranoid. She wanted you out of the room because you were breastfeeding, why else rush you out like that?

Really thoughtless of her to make you sit upstairs without your pram anyway? It makes far more sense to settle your sleeping baby in the pram and then move?

I think she had an issue with your breast out.

Groovee · 16/09/2017 10:01

The nurseries I've worked in, normally an hour the first time. Mum/dad/carer stay for an hour with the child and explore.

The next day is an hour and a half. Adult stays and then goes to get a coffee on site.

Next day we do the same but if the child is settled then we ask the adult to leave earlier.

If at any point the child is distressed we move back a stage for the child until it's right for them.

Everywhere is different though. What works for one, may not work for another.

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