To give someone money anonymously?

[Mmmburp]

I've recently come into some money. I have a long standing friend in my life who I love dearly, living in another town a few hours away. Life has dealt her some unbearably harsh blows recently and she is unable to work due to disability and in fairly dire financial circumstances. I'd like to share some of this good fortune but she is intensely proud. What do I do here? I can't see her living like this, I want to share what I have. But I feel she wouldn't accept it, or I need to give it in such a way that she would or could accept it, I just don't know how. Any ideas, Mumsnet?

When I was in a really bad place, a few friends got together and did a supermarket shop for me. It was massive and very much appreciated, they also popped in a gift card as welll

A friend of mine tells me this happened to her when she was a child. The family were broke, about to lose their home, and somebody put an envelop full of money through the door. They never found out who it was and the money saved the day for them.

You can do it anonymously through a solicitor.

PS. What a kind, kind friend you are!

Mmmburp
Thats a lovely thought, But. If your friend is on benefits please dont give her money. You might seriously mess up her benefits and leave her worse off.
While on benefits she gets help with rent, Council Tax & prescriptions. A small lump sum can be a disaster. She might have to use it to live on then go through the hassle of claiming again.

Tell her you had a small win on the lottery and would like to share it with her, let her suggest what she could use it for. she may need a wheelchair or some other gadget and not be eligible for a grant.

Well just to say how very kind you are OP, very kind indeed.

Perhaps you just ought to tell her or as some have suggested perhaps a accountant ot solicitor could come up wth a plausible way, minding of course the benefits angle and if you can find that out too OP!.

I think you should ask her. I know it seems daft but even if she is skint she may genuinely not want the money. I'd ask her but have an envelope to hand with a check and a short letter in it. That way you can give her the envelope and suggest she goes away and thinks about it rather than putting her on the spot and trying to get a yes or no out of her there and then.

Then she can chose what she wants to do in her own time.

Does she rent her property? If she does and you find out who she rents from, perhaps you could call and pay her rent in advance for however many months the amount you want to give her will cover.

If I was struggling so badly that a friend wanted to help me out and share her good fortune I would give her a huge hug and say thank you very much.

If I was in the position of helping out a friend in that position I would talk to them and offer, hopefully persuading them that their was no motive and no strings.

I like to share my good fortunes with my friends and I know that they would do the same should the situations be reversed. Talk to her.

Oops I spelt cheque as check. Before any spelling pendants explode with horror can I use the excuse that I lived in the US for years although that doesn't excuse the rest of my awful spelling

Thank you so much for your replies, I really appreciate it.

@annandale amazing! I'd been daydreaming of something similar!

I take on board what some of you are saying about just asking her outright, but am tempted by the solicitor route. Will give it some thought but again, thank you all.

You could mess up her benefits.

I suggest, you jointly book a holiday, buy her a passport and give her vouchers for holiday clothes.

I totally understand what you're thinking about the solicitor route, but just remember she's an adult who is entitled to make her own decisions. It's bad enough falling on hard times but to have people start treating you like a child who has to accept what's offered just makes it worse.

You've got lovely intentions but try and think of it from your friend's point of view.

Present the holiday as her doing you a favour, giving you someone to share the experience with.

If she's really struggling, she will accept the money if you phrase it right.
I think she should know it has come from you.
I would tell her you've come into some money, you don't need it all and nothing would give you more pleasure than making her life easier. Say you're not going to take no for an answer and you know she's so the same for you etc etc. Tell her if she bee comes into money, she can pay you back.
I wouldn't tell her it's a loan though. that would hang over her

Can you give her gift cards for tesco or similar supermarket? That was it's not money that will mess up benefits, but she can buy food plus other bits like some clothes. Or there are high St vouchers or something that can be used in lots of shops.

you are a nice kind person op and the world needs more of your sort

Do you know her bank details? I know some of my friends for when we pay each other back for stuff.

If so, walk in to a branch and pay it in cash over the counter. Maybe

The gift card option is a really nice idea.

I think that's a very good point @PurpleDaisies I just don't think she'd accept anything from us as we have a young DS so I think she'd feel guilty/want us to spend it on him. If she didn't know it came from us, I don't think she'd feel guilty accepting it. But I do get what you're saying. I just don't want to offer and her to refuse when I know it would make a real difference to her situation. But her ability to decide for herself is important.

The holiday idea is lovely but for various reasons not workable at the moment.

I'm uncomfortable with the anonymous route. It would drive me crazy if someone had gifted me some money but I didn't l know who. She might enlist you to try and find out - how good are you at lying?!

I'd give it to her as a 'loan' and never get paid back.

What about an amazing Christmas present, something she needs.

If someone gave me money anonymously I'd feel utterly creeped out. I'd wonder how many people knew of my situation; was I the subject of gossip etc. It'd also drive me crazy not knowing who had done this kind thing for me.

If messing up her benefits could be an issue, I wouldn't do anything that required her to run the money through her bank account. That eliminates cheques or sending it via a solicitor (unless it's a wad of cash).

My suggestion would to say you'd won money in the lottery. Then either buy her some gift cards, and/or something she really needs/wants; give her cash; or take her on an all expenses holiday (if that's the sort of thing the both of you would enjoy).

I would hate it if I received it anonymously.

Tell her you've got some extra money and you want to pass on your good fortune and treat her. That's a lovely thing to do - she can't possibly take offence at that.

Could you put the money on a gift card for her usual supermarket ?
Wouldn't affect any benefits and she could use the cash she'd usually spend weekly on other things.
I'd also not do it anonymously.

Yes, cash or gift cards only if you don't want to mess up her benefits.

If she's in any debt that you know of, you could try and clear that for her.

Be very careful if she is on benefits. Long term your kind gesture could cause her problems.