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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you have stopped talking to me due to this?

58 replies

InExile · 15/09/2017 21:05

i've had severe anxiety and depression for the last 4 years which has made me mostly housebound, i think in this time for anything unnecessary i've left my house less than 15 times, as well as not really talking to people this isn't to curry favour or to get YANBU's its just to point out that my social skills may have somewhat eroded and thats why i may not realise i've done something so wrong.

well i am in a Whatsapp group with a few friends from before my anxiety and depression started from university. they live near each other and were talking about meeting someone else and going for a drink and talking about the person.

It bugged me because i don't know them and i at least like putting a face to a name if possible. Well i went onto FB onto my friends, friends list and searched for their name, there was one result so i took a screenshot and posted it onto the group and said is this them? well both friends kinda blew up and said it was out of order and an invasion of privacy and that they felt violated, and if it happened again then they'd leave. confused and kinda shocked by the reaction i said i would delete them from FB (it was more from a friend of a friend who became a friend so we aren't the closest anyway), just for their own piece of mind.

I thought that everything was OK they without any prompting said that was it, but they've not sent any messages or replied for two weeks so obviously they are / were still pissed off at me, i still don't think it was that bad so i'm just looking for others opinions.

OP posts:
Original poster
InExile · 15/09/2017 21:06
Glitterball
OP posts:
Splandy · 15/09/2017 21:10

Nope. I would find it a bit odd but I wouldn't be angry about it. It's not an invasion of privacy to look at something that was clearly available for you to see. I probably would have looked up the person too but just not screen shotted and sent it to friends. Perhaps you've annoyed them in some other way or they're generally frustrated with your anxiety and that's why they've blown up over something which seems quite minor.

Armadillostoes · 15/09/2017 21:11

Hi OP I didn't want to read and run. YANBU-people can't put things into the public domain and then squawk if people read it! Plus you weren't slyly snooping about, you were completely upfront in looking at what someone had chosen to share with the worldwide web.

They don't sound like the nicest of people to be honest. You on the other hand sound lovely and very brave.

Moltenpink · 15/09/2017 21:13

YANBU, it was also rude of them to discuss a meet up you weren't invited to (if I read that correctly).

WashingMatilda · 15/09/2017 21:14

That is so weird that they did that. No I wouldn't stop talking to you! I don't even think it's odd that you screenshot it, how else were they to know which profile you were looking at?
In fact thinking about it, I'm pretty sure one of the girls in my WhatsApp group did that the other day asking if it was my brother. I wasn't bothered in the slightest.

So sorry you're going through your MH issues. I hope the fog starts to lift soon Flowers

haveacupoftea · 15/09/2017 21:16

YANBU, they are being precious and weird. What is Facebook for, if not for looking up people? Everyone FB stalks a bit. Get some new friends who are actually fun.

AdalindSchade · 15/09/2017 21:17

How weird! My friends and I send each other screenshots of things all the time. Weird tinder profiles, ex's new girlfriend or whatever. It's a Facebook picture!
How nasty of them.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 15/09/2017 21:17

They felt violated? For goodness sake, they are nuts!

Is it worth continuing a friendship with them?

Winosaurus · 15/09/2017 21:18

So their pic and name are public on a social media site and now they're bitching that someone dared to look them up??? Are they for real?
Bunch of twats

MrsHathaway · 15/09/2017 21:19

I would find your actions a bit stalkery.

But in general I wouldn't discuss that kind of meeting in front of you anyway because it's horribly tactless. Unless there was a good dollop of "oh do come, Exile, when are you next going to be near here?" but still.

MrsEricBana · 15/09/2017 21:20

Definitely not! I may have thought it was an unusual thing to do but definitely not invasion of privacy or "bad". Don't worry.

Original poster
InExile · 15/09/2017 21:21

thank you Armadillostoes one of them at least is/ was my best friend who i think is really kind, i would have said they'd do almost anything for me and are generally quite supportive. obviously i'm kinda on the outside of their social circle now and it does make me think am i just stuck in the past as i have realised this a little while ago with someone else that i still viewed them as the friendship was before years ago where my life has stalled, but obviously their life has continued and so i'm not as important/ big of a part of their life anyway.

i'm not pedantic myself but i have just realised i put piece of mind so sorry to those that are!

OP posts:
Original poster
InExile · 15/09/2017 21:24

thanks everyone i'm glad its not just me because it really had me thinking i'd done something massive and it worried me that if it was that bad that i didn't realise. kind of like well if i've done that and not realised what else have i done/ will i do?

OP posts:
DailyMailReadersAreThick · 15/09/2017 21:26

Flowers I've lost many friends due to anxiety. Mostly because every so often I have to withdraw from my social life completely for my own sanity. I won't talk to anybody or respond to messages for weeks or months on end, and of course people find that hurtful.

I don't have any advice really. Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

Fluffycloudland77 · 15/09/2017 21:26

If it's on Facebook it's not private. Their being very mean reacting like this.

SaucyJack · 15/09/2017 21:28

It was a slightly weird thing to do. Most people have a nosy- but it's not usually the done thing to be do blunt about it. Were you even active in the conversation beforehand?

But it wasn't nasty or malicious. TBH it sounds as if they can't be bothered with you any more, and were just looking for a reason to dump you.

Coffeeandcherrypie · 15/09/2017 21:28

I don't think what you did was an invasion of privacy. People should tighten their security settings if they they don't people to see their list of friends.

I think you went further than most people would have done by screenshotting and re-posting. . Most people have a snoop but don't let on that they have.

I think your being housebound may have been a factor, so I wouldn't have made an issue out of it.

Why are they talking about going for a drink with this person? Were you invited? Seems mean to talk about plans you're not a part of.

dippydeedoo · 15/09/2017 21:29

They are twats.
You haven't done anything offensive.
It's all drama to them.
But because of your anxiety you're catastrophising this and overthinking it.
They aren't worth it.

Naughty1205 · 15/09/2017 21:31

YANBU! twunts. If it's on facebook and visible to the public then it's not an invasion of privacy. Get yourself some new friends. Depression and anxiety is a bitch, you sound great, find friends who deserve you Flowers

EezerGoode · 15/09/2017 21:35

I'm not on Facebook,or what's app or anything..I phone people to chat and arrange stuff,even texting can cause a misunderstanding,so I just don't....I was doing those things a few yrs back,,I had a face book account .but seeing everyone else's lovely holidays,Christmas present piles ,decorated bedrooms ,left me feeling anxious ,inadequate,and lacking...and that's not a nice feeling

Original poster
InExile · 15/09/2017 21:36

No i wasn't invited i live around an hour away from them now, i could have been asked but i wasn't. admittedly the overwhelmingly likelihood is i wouldn't have gone but still i guess an invite would have been nice.

OP posts:
EezerGoode · 15/09/2017 21:37

Sorry meant to add,I do understand 💐

sirfredfredgeorge · 15/09/2017 21:40

For me, I think the only way it would be remotely strange is if you didn't actually normally participate in the whats app group, and this was your first message in years or something? So you had only been a watcher, rather than a partipant, and this revealed that you cared a little bit too much.

I would say that when I lived almost solely in a virtual world, not leaving the house, people did just stop inviting me, not because they didn't want me, but because they didn't want me to have to decline - or worse accept and then not make it.

Jeepy · 15/09/2017 21:47

It reminds me of a situation when a group of friends are chatting and you are standing nearby and overhear part of it and shout 'Who's that? What did you say?' It annoys people, and it may be the cyber equivalent of mildly dodgy social skills, which may be the result of not being able to get out into the world at the moment and I can sort of understand why they didn't like it, but the other posters are right, there's no need to be indignant.
Don't over think it. If these people were once your friends, they might be again one day, when you are more like your old self. Good luck and I hope you find a way to gradually get out to meet new people: remember the best way to have a friend is to be one...

hellejuice91 · 15/09/2017 21:50

Gosh if they exiled everyone who screenshotted people's Facebook page - they would probably have no-one left. YANBU they are being childish