Am I being precious?

[amibeingprecious]

My 13mo's Granny keeps telling him he's being a 'bad boy' when he's done something perfectly normal like tried to play with a tv remote or thrown his cup away when he's finished his drink of water etc. Even when he's playing and throws a ball he's told 'that's a rubbish throw'. She also keeps trying to force him to walk when he doesn't want to (she's very competitive and is probably annoyed he's not walking yet). This has really started to annoy me, I use positive language towards him and he's a happy & confident baby. i do tell him no in a firmer than usual voice when he's doing something he shouldn't/dangerous however I just don't see the need to tell a baby he's 'bad' or 'rubbish' at something.
I'm worried if this continues it will have a negative affect on his ego. Am I being ridiculous? Willing to be told I am.

Am stunned by the first reposnse you got

Do you think the poster missed the fact your ds is 13months ?

He isn't being naughty at this age - he is experimenting with the world around him. You are absolutely right with your thinking.

Even when older, as others have said, you should criticise the behaviour and not the child. At this age distract, model, and a calm "no" is fine.
If it were the occasional visit, then I'd explain to her that you didn't want him criticised for experimenting, however, if she is likely to be doing childcare for you, then you and dh need to have a sit down chat with her about it. I would not be impressed at anyone doing childcare being so negative all the time - an occasional visit isn't going to affect a child in the same way.

I'd see these times when she is around as a trial to see if you do want her to babysit in the future. I'd call her out as soon as she says 'Bad boy', say he isn't, keep it light at first, give her what response you think is OK. It's important that you feel that you can work together, as otherwise there will be tension and you wont' feel happy leaving him.

But at the moment she may have forgotten what it's like, might be taking time to adjust. Give her a bit of time but totally intervene every time, I would.

"It is obscene to call a baby "bad." "

Agree.

How do you call a baby bad in a caring way?

I am going to answer this question in case it's real and not just you looking for a fight.

A person is "caring" above and beyond words. When I tell teen DD that her new jeans make her look like a prostitute, it means that I care what she projects and how others treat her. I could have used a less harsh word, but I am not very creative with language. It is especially a problem with a person whose first language is not English.

I am assuming here that grandma is a loving grandma given how often she offers up her presumably free service. Action always speaks louder to me than words.

Backforgood. Not sure what it was about my response that stunned you

I'd stop her in her tracks and tell her not to speak to my child that way, and if she does it again we'll have to leave. And then I'd do it, sod the childcare.

I had parents that didn't always stand up for me in situations like this. It's so important.

Huge apologies SandSunSea , it isn't easy to scroll back on this device, and I though ProseccoMamam's reply was the first response. I do apologise for the confusion. It was her comments about a 13month old being 'naughty' and 'a bratty kid' and accusation that the OP was being precious that struck me.

You are being precious not liking her starting to correct him on things (i don't like how she did it though).

You aren't being precious when she is calling him rubbish.

Ah ok backforgood, no probs.

I had to deal with this. My otherwise lovely mil would say ' Don't cry, you're nannies little soldier and soldiers don't cry' to my toddler DS.

When at 20 months he'd had a really bad fall, gashed his forehead and blood all over his face, and she said it, I really lost it and screamed at her.
after a stunned silence, (we normally got on well) she never said it again, ever, and my outburst was never referred to.

MissHelena you'd tell your teenager she looked like a prostitute????? Holy God.

Eurgh, that's 'boys don't cry' attitude stinks. As does 'boys will be boys'. Horrid.

Omg I am shocked people think you are being precious!
I absolutely think the language people use has a huge impact from an early age!
A difficult conversation has to be had or maybe ask your partner to have it with you?! My FIL makes comments about kissing my 12mo saying 'no you don't want to kiss a man' and 'boys don't cry' and I absolutely will not abide by it!! I get my fiancé to just say don't say that or I keep it light and say 'oh I think babies and men can cry if they need to!'
Ugh horrible situation. I feel for you. Good luck x

lela Yeah I did. Have you seen what passes for teen "clothing" these days? Ugh. I don't buy her such "clothes" of course. But DD1 is a wealthy 17yo as she tutors high school math and waitresses at a high end restaurant on weekends.