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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my neighbour needs to move

50 replies

Daisiesbox · 14/09/2017 08:13

OK here goes. Happy to be told it's me that's the problem.

Downstairs neighbour works shifts in blocks so for x amount of weeks she will be on days and x amount of weeks nights. Currently she is on nights.
This means she home at 6.30am and leaves at 5pm. I leave at 5.20pm as I work evenings and weekend.

During the hours she is home after a night shift she expects me not to hoover, use my washer, tidy up or do anything which includes any kind of noise.

On her days of she sleeps until past lunch and expects the same.

The flats are a converted house and carpeted and rugged although the sound proofing is a bit crap.

She has sent passive aggressive texts about hearing our hoover, hearing our washer and 'I can hear you moving around'
She has commented to neighbours and friends about us and even parents at groups of how noisy my child with SN walks.

The thing is she thinks she is silent but she wakes us all up leaving at 4am when she's on days or arriving at 6am and her Tv frequently blasts away.

Tommorow morning we have visitors so I want to hoover and wash bedding etc She's been home since 6.30am and will leave just before me tonight gahhh

OP posts:

BackieJerkhart · 14/09/2017 08:16

Carry on as you are. She is being unreasonable. Don't repsond to her texts or if you like, text her at 4am when she wakes you and tell her to shut the fuck up!

Shoxfordian · 14/09/2017 08:16

She's completely unreasonable

I don't think you should stop doing your normal household jobs at reasonable hours. She's the one working shifts so she should invest in a decent pair of ear plugs.

blueskyinmarch · 14/09/2017 08:16

I don't think you can expect her to move but you can just get on with your life and do your washing and other normal family stuff when you are home. You can't live your life to suit a neighbour because she works antisocial hours. She needs to invest in some earplugs if it bothers her that much.

Original poster

Daisiesbox · 14/09/2017 08:17

*off

Just to add I am considerate and wouldn't have music blasting etc and try to minimise the kids using the room above so I'm not a total bitch.

OP posts:

honeysucklejasmine · 14/09/2017 08:18

Assuming you are just using standard equipment and not industrial ones, she'll have to get over it. Not your problem.

DarceyBusselsNose · 14/09/2017 08:18

There's always a happy medium, in shared housing, I'd say no 'heavy use' between 8pm-8am. Your neighbour is totally unreasonable to expect the world to revolve round her shift patterns. If it looks like turning nasty, I would advise the LL first that other residents are having problems with her demands. And block her texts.

pilates · 14/09/2017 08:19

YANBU

I think I would send a passive aggressive text back saying "yes I can hear you too!"

She can't expect you to do your housework around her sleep pattern. She is BVU.

DressedCrab · 14/09/2017 08:21

She's being ridiculous. Carry on with your normal day.

KoolKoala07 · 14/09/2017 08:22

I would definitely be texting her at 4am saying 'I can hear you moving around'
she has a cheek!

5rivers7hills · 14/09/2017 08:22

I'd probably keep the kids out of the room above her bedroom (it's it's a bedroom too in your flat) but I wouldn't be stopping normal household activities for her!

KarmaNoMore · 14/09/2017 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Squashit · 14/09/2017 08:31

Wrap the baggage some earplugs up and gift her.

KitKat1985 · 14/09/2017 08:35

Yes she's being unreasonable. I've worked nights and I've never expected my neighbours to be silent in the daytimes. It's just not practical to expect the rest of the world to fit in around one person's working hours.

Maudlinmaud · 14/09/2017 08:39

That's insufferable. You are allowed to live in your own home and carry out day to day tasks. Tell your landlord that she is harassing you.

jellybeanteaparty · 14/09/2017 08:46

She appears to want your living to match her shifts! I would politely say you need to carry out certain functions in the daytime and this cannot be avoided. You are however happy to try when possible to consider when this is less disruptive to her and ask her for a preference of options you choose. For example an hour noisy time for washing hoovering etc at 3.30-4.30 as she would be likely to be getting up then or first thing 9 -10 when she may be cooking/eating. Even if you just state I need to do normal daily things but will condense to a hour so she knows if she is disturbed it is likely only to be for an hour.This way you are being considerate. When does she hoover??

Starfish28 · 14/09/2017 08:54

I do not think you are being unreasonable at all. I can't believe you have abided to this in the day time. On this one I would grow a thick skin, block her texts and ignore any comments people make about your children ect. She sounds so unbelievably entitled. I wouldn't however text her if she wakes you. I would simply ignore it all.

MoreThanJustANumber · 14/09/2017 08:56

She's being completely ridiculous.

This is interesting: www.epa.vic.gov.au/your-environment/noise/residential-noise/prohibited-times-for-residential-noise

paxillin · 14/09/2017 08:58

No, just hoover and wash as needed. Let the kids walk and play, those are normal noises. I wouldn't offer certain slots, there will be days when this doesn't work. I had a neighbour who wanted me to stop using the loo after 9pm. I had previously given in to ridiculous demands, but after that stopped caring.

She clearly doesn't care about you at 4am either.

ArcheryAnnie · 14/09/2017 08:58

There's an expectation when you live in a flat that there will be some noise from neighbours, so it helps if everybody makes a bit of an effort to keep their own noise down, and forgive a bit of leaked noise from their neighbours.

That said, she's being unreasonable. You can't stop all normal activity in daylight hours just because it doesn't suit her. I think it's fair enough in these circumstances if someone has a special reason - eg "I have an exam/court case/whatever tomorrow, and it's really important I get a good night's sleep" or "I have a horrible migraine - please can you hoover tomorrow not today?" but that's as a one-off, not a regular thing.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 14/09/2017 08:59

I worked variable shifts for over a decade. Life doesn't stop, you have to adjust. I sobbed at some builders once and begged the to stop drilling until after midday, but that's it. Otherwise the usual noises around you are part of shift work.

She is being unreasonable and living in a downstairs room flat when working shifts is her decision. I must admit I moved out of just such a set up when I worked shifts because of the noise - I didn't harass the neighbours!

TiramisuQueenoftheFaeries · 14/09/2017 09:02

We bought a house, did some much-needed renovation work, and then discovered that one of our new neighbours was a midwife working night shift who basically had to move out for the duration of the work.

We felt terrible and bought her a hamper, but she never said a word, and what was the alternative anyway - concrete mixing at 2am? Night and shift workers have to find ways to deal with the fact that the people around them can't suddenly start living their lives in the middle of the night to match their schedule. I don't envy them, but there it is.

I agree with PPs. Block texts, politely ignore. If she really can't learn to deal with people having daytime lives she can move herself to a nice detached country pile or something.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/09/2017 09:04

block her text messages
ignore her

you cant not make any noise in the day time , its not do-able

Goldenhandshake · 14/09/2017 09:04

She is being a selfish, ignorant bell end. Tell her your life does not revolve around her shift patterns, report her unreasonable demands to the landlord and if she carries on bitching report her for harassment.

Honestly, what planet do people like this come from?

expatinscotland · 14/09/2017 09:13

I would block her after completely ignoring her PA bullshit. She needs to get a fan and some earplugs. I used to work evening shifts and nights and lived in a flat. It's ridiculous to expect everyone to tiptoe round you because your shift pattern is different.

BrieAndChilli · 14/09/2017 09:14

Do you both own your flats? If not and it's a landlord it may be worth speaking to him and asking for some more insulation.

I wouldn't go out of my way to be quiet, you have a right to live your life peacefully (so assuming you aren't blaring rock music out at 6am and dropping rock on the floor!)

May be worth getting a thick rug for the area you use most i.e. Where the kids play just to help absorb some of the noise.

I would refrain from putting appliances on until say 9-10 as she should then actually be asleep and the noise is less likely to bother her (harder to get to sleep with noise going on)

You could do tit for tat and give her a list of fidiculous demands eg not allowed to open her front door between 11pm and 7am as it wakes you up (so she will have to sit in her car from 4-7am!!!!), only allowed TV on at a volume max of 8, etc

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