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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my neighbour needs to move

50 replies

Daisiesbox · 14/09/2017 08:13

OK here goes. Happy to be told it's me that's the problem.

Downstairs neighbour works shifts in blocks so for x amount of weeks she will be on days and x amount of weeks nights. Currently she is on nights.
This means she home at 6.30am and leaves at 5pm. I leave at 5.20pm as I work evenings and weekend.

During the hours she is home after a night shift she expects me not to hoover, use my washer, tidy up or do anything which includes any kind of noise.

On her days of she sleeps until past lunch and expects the same.

The flats are a converted house and carpeted and rugged although the sound proofing is a bit crap.

She has sent passive aggressive texts about hearing our hoover, hearing our washer and 'I can hear you moving around'
She has commented to neighbours and friends about us and even parents at groups of how noisy my child with SN walks.

The thing is she thinks she is silent but she wakes us all up leaving at 4am when she's on days or arriving at 6am and her Tv frequently blasts away.

Tommorow morning we have visitors so I want to hoover and wash bedding etc She's been home since 6.30am and will leave just before me tonight gahhh

OP posts:

SlothMama · 14/09/2017 09:24

You can't revolve your life around her working hours, can't she wear ear plugs or use white noise to sleep? I'd block her number she sounds like a selfish nob who needs to move into a detached house well away from anyone else!

sobeyondthehills · 14/09/2017 09:33

Have to agree with PP posting, during the summer holidays we had a new family move in next door, with a toddler and what sounded like a new born.

I swear they sounded like they were in my bedroom, I got myself some earplugs, its not like I could demand them to not play in the garden

IHateUncleJamie · 14/09/2017 09:36

My DH worked shifts for many years and did end up chronically sleep deprived, but most of the time that was not down to our neighbours. The exception was our NDNsbutOne who seemed to think jetwashing and bellowing/screaming/screeching was acceptable at all hours.

Normal hoovering/washing machine/life noises are unavoidable and it's not your fault she works shifts. Unless you are jet washing/drilling/scraping artex off the ceiling/laying new floorboards on a daily basis, YANBU. She needs some decent earplugs, a sleep mask and a white noise machine, unless she wants to move.

Bombarding you with texts is unreasonable. I would reply once and for all and say all you are doing is making a normal amount of noise during sociable hours, and that if she feels her flat needs more insulation then that is down to her to arrange. Finally, has she ever considered that if she can hear you then clearly YOU can also hear HER. Then block her number.

diddl · 14/09/2017 09:39

Well I might try & leave what I could until after lunch-but if it's nice out for example I want to do the washing & get it out asap.

Sometimes you have to just get stuff done when you get up!

CaptainHammer · 14/09/2017 09:42

She is being unreasonable. It's nice of you to try and be quieter when you know she's sleeping but you can't always do that. It's up to her to get earplugs etc.

NoSquirrels · 14/09/2017 09:52

Obviously it's not you being unreasonable- the problem is when people become sensitised to noise it has a sort of cumulative effect, and what's reasonable becomes amplified and unreasonable in their minds.

Can you invite her up for a coffee and talk about it?

Things you could offer to do: not put washing on until 10am, not Hoover until after 12pm, etc.

Things she could do: get a white noise machine, better earplugs, accept that the soundproofing is mutual and you hear her too, and you can't stop living above her...

She sounds irritating and entitled, but it's nearly always best to take the moral high ground and look like you're offering concessions (but only Ines that don't massively disadvantage you).

expatinscotland · 14/09/2017 10:00

Don't give this kind of person an inch, they will take a mile! If you say no washing till after 10 or hoovering till after noon or whatever, if there's ever an occasion where you need to do it at say, 9am, she'll be on you like a fly to honey. It's best just not to engage with them at all and carry on because you're not being at all unreasonable. Block her number.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 14/09/2017 10:06

It's nice to be considerate.. Which you are!

It's completely ridiculous that you should have to live your life around your CFNs shift patterns.... She's the one who is doing it... And probably getting a premium for doing so.... Sje is making it your problem...

We had neighbours like this once.... They were early to bedders... As in 7pm...tneu demanded that we shouldn't walk around our carpeted flat.. After 7pm...we ignored them and said we would carry on as normal and they were lucky that we didn't have regular late night parties...

They were just massively intolerant... Eventually they moved to a nice quiet retirement complex!

pasturesgreen · 14/09/2017 10:17

Her problem, not yours.

I'd block her number and carry on as you are.

DopeyDazy · 14/09/2017 14:33

know how you feel DH is a self employed
subcontractor repairing underground gas leaks and leaves home about 6am. Gd is lookibg at getting an engine heater fitted to van so he can drive straight off as neighbours moan about being disturbed. If they had no gas for a week they'd have something to moan about

DopeyDazy · 14/09/2017 14:35

poxy phone ,correction, He is looking

Redglitter · 14/09/2017 14:38

Speaking as someone who works night shifts YANBU

Working nights is not normal you have to adapt accordingly. You also have to appreciate yes you're trying to sleep but it's day time and the rest of the world is going about their lives. So long as you're not blasting out loud music basically it's tough.

Block het texts and stop pandering to her. Do your housework when it suits you

Spangles1963 · 14/09/2017 19:26

She actually said 'I can hear you moving around'? Good grief,does she expect you to sit in silence the whole time she is sleeping?! People who work nights and have to sleep in the day should understand that a lot,in fact,probably the majority of other people,actually have lives to lead and a certain amount of noise is inevitable. It's called LIFE. My opinion is that if you can't sleep during the daytime because of other peoples noise,either use earplugs to block it out,or don't work nights!

JonSnowsWife · 14/09/2017 19:55

My Ex used to get up at work for 3am.

With all the will in the world to be as quite as a mouse he'd still wake us all up, everyday without fail, so there's no way she's quite enough for you when she probably slams out the door and fiddles with the locks too at that time.

Ignore the CF and carry on as you are.

Mittens1969 · 14/09/2017 21:12

No she's being ridiculous and entitled, expecting life to stand still during the daytime. Clearly you need to hoover and do your washing, she needs to invest in ear plugs.

You could reply in a passive aggressive way, mentioning her starting her engine at 4am, but if it was me, I hate confrontation and would probably simply block her. You sound like you're trying very hard to be considerate, much more so than a lot of others would be.

GemmaCollinsBabes · 14/09/2017 22:14

She is very unreasonable.
The only people who should be concerned by their work shifts are the people working them and their boss.
It is nice that you are considerate but equally you shouldn't have to schedule your life around her work hours.

Maelstrop · 14/09/2017 22:37

YANBU. My DH works shifts but we certainly don't expect the neighbours to cree round when he's in bed during the day. Your neighbour is a pita, OP. Live your life, stop pandering to her.

coddiwomple · 15/09/2017 12:29

I am all for keeping the peace with the neighbours, but there's only so much you can do. There's no way anyone can completely stop having a life during the day because of shift workers.

I would happily take all the parcels for my neighbours if they were sleeping during the day, things like that, but you can't just stop breathing in your own home. By the sound of it, she doesn't, don't be afraid to remind her of the many times she wakes you up at 4am.

RestingBitchFaced · 15/09/2017 12:38

It's her problem not yours. How ridiculous that she thinks your life should revolve around her working patterns. Carry on as normal and ignore her

x2boys · 15/09/2017 13:27

I worked nights for three years I lived in a downstairs flat it was noisy during the day and my bedroom was next to the communal front door o people going about their business in and out all day but indidnt expect anyone to accomadtate my shift patterns

flumpybear · 15/09/2017 13:33

She's really reasonable! If she wants to work nights then perhaps it's time she invested in ear plugs!

My husband works nights, we live in a detached house and this is the only way to cope imo with neighbours - if me and the kids are home I'm quiet but wouldn't extend to neighbours beyond being reasonable - washing and hoovering can't wait around her requirements

MadisonMontgomery · 15/09/2017 13:35

I once worked in an office which had flats above it. One of the tenants complained that he worked nights and the office noise was too loud during the day whilst he was trying to sleep. We did not change a thing.

Notreallyarsed · 15/09/2017 13:40

Asking people not to blare music is reasonable, telling/intimidating your neighbour into not hoovering or doing laundry is ridiculous. My washing pile would become unmanageable if I couldn't use it during the day, same with hoovering (3 kids + friends, dog, DP does a manual job where he gets filthy). It's ridiculous to expect people to be silent during the day, especially when she's so noisy in the middle of the night (when it's actually illegal to make anti social noise!)

Notreallyarsed · 15/09/2017 13:41

And I did nights for 4 years while living in a flat, the only time I complained was when the neighbours had a drunken party that was still going at 11am, music blaring and pissed people out shouting in the hallway.

sleepymama81 · 15/09/2017 13:58

She is BU. Some neighbour noise is normal, it's not your fault she works shifts. It's just a bit of give and take, and trying to be considerate to others unless you can afford to go and buy a detached house in the middle of nowhere. I would try to not make excessive noise when you know she's in bed but I wouldn't stop hoovering and doing normal daily things.

We have neighbours with two small girls (2 and 4) and when it was boiling hot for those few weeks in the summer we needed to have our upstairs windows open to cool the house down in the evenings. DD (toddler) goes to bed at six, and we had a nightmare getting the house cool enough to sleep with next doors kids screaming at the top of their lungs (just having fun, but very very noisy fun!) in the garden until 9/10pm at night when it got dark.

I just got on with it for a few days, then when it got to the point where even OH and I were being disturbed at our bedtime (we're both up early so are often in bed by 9) I just nicely asked if they could see our upstairs windows were open in the evening while it was hot could they please keep it down. They did. I did not however expect them to stop their kids playing in the garden in the summer at 6pm just because it inconvenienced me trying to get DD to sleep. In turn, when the time comes that those girls are at school and need a good nights sleep at a decent hour and DD is the one rampaging around outside I'll be considerate enough to tell her to pipe down.

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