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Original poster

Not broody

50 replies

loaferloveforyou · 13/09/2017 23:25

I've come to a point in my life which is the "ideal time" to have a baby. By that I mean recently bought a house, got married and the next logical step is to have a baby. And I do want a baby although a big part of me is more looking forward to a year of maternity leave mostly looking after the baby.

So until tonight I was looking forward to trying for a baby (we have looked at finances and April 2018 seems the right time). So I started to get excited thinking this time next year I could be pregnant.

But, a close colleague/friend came in work today with their 6 week old and I could not be less bothered. Before we "set a date" for trying, I was so so broody. Now I just feel neural to the whole baby thing.

My friends think it's because it's becoming for real for me, I'm worried that deep down I just aren't bothered about kids.

Did anyone else get less broody when trying to conceive became a real life possibility?

OP posts:
Trills · 13/09/2017 23:27

Are you sure you actually WANT a baby?

Or are you just at the right time, with the right partner and the right finances, and you think that a person in your position should want one?

Trills · 13/09/2017 23:29

That broody feeling is not to be trusted, anyway.

It's a good thing it is gone, now you can think clearly about whether you want a baby (and then a toddler, and then a child, and then a teenager).

Having a baby to get rid of the broody feeling is like having a tattoo to get rid of an itch. Not the end of the world, but you could have just waited for the itch to go away. Better to make the decision with a clear head.

EZA15 · 13/09/2017 23:29

Don't let that put you off. I used to hate people bringinh their children into work and even now I'm not keen on other children - I do love my own though!

Happydoingitjusttheonce · 13/09/2017 23:30

I was never broody and conceived because I took my eye off the ball. The only analogy I can make is the feeling I had the evening I walked down the garden path to the car heading to my induction appointment. I thought "tell you what, why don't I just go back inside the house". It was because the weight of the pending responsibility was very real. I found motherhood hard but I've made a bloody good fist of it

Original poster
loaferloveforyou · 13/09/2017 23:33

A bit of both. I'm looking forward to the next stage of our life (a baby) but I also enjoy our life as it is (going out as and when we want).

There is no doubt I want a baby in the next year or so but I'm taken back but how un-broody (if that's a word) I was when meeting this baby (who was adorable and slept the whole time)

OP posts:
MumsOnCrack · 13/09/2017 23:37

Do some more going out, having fun, excellent holidays and then do it...if you want to. Tis hard.

MumsOnCrack · 13/09/2017 23:38

Why not enjoy just being married? I was 10 weeks pregnant when we got married and the whole of the first year of our marriage I've been either pregnant or a mum. I certainly would not undo it, it's what I wanted, but you should be sure.

WorraLiberty · 13/09/2017 23:41

Oh don't think of meeting someone else's baby as any kind of marker.

I've never been one for cooing over or wanting to hold other people's babies. Yet if it was a puppy or a kitten, you couldn't drag me away.

If you know you want kids, perhaps try not to be so...I don't know what the word is...'strategic' in your planning maybe?

I get that life has stages, but sometimes all the cold, calculated planning feels odd.

You'll probably know when the time is naturally right for you, and it won't necessarily tie in with your 'calendar' plans if that makes sense.

Original poster
loaferloveforyou · 13/09/2017 23:41

This is the thing, our whole relationship has been a party and we are starting to tire of it. We both want to settle down, have a baby to rock to sleep and keep us up all night. We are ready for he hard work and sleepless nights.

I'm just worried I held this baby and didn't think "I can't wait for my own". I know we are ready for our own in every single way (except financially); I'm just worried I didn't get that broody "I want a baby now" feeling

OP posts:
Original poster
loaferloveforyou · 13/09/2017 23:45

Thanks worra that was what I was getting at.

I'm a financial planner (by job title and nature) and I want to know we have enough spare for nursery fees. So there is no way I'd have a baby unless I know we have spare funds to care for it.

Ps - just got a kitten u r welcome to come and coo over

OP posts:
flownthecoopkiwi · 13/09/2017 23:58

Never felt broody. Felt like a child was a sensible next step. Now have two children. Love them to bits. Felt broody for second one though...

WorraLiberty · 14/09/2017 00:00

Haha! I'm looking after a 13 week old puppy and a cat while their owner is on holiday.

I've never felt so animal broody in my life Grin

But honestly, I've got 3 kids who I love with every part of me, yet I still don't get broody over other people's babies.

If I had waited until I did, I would be childless now at the ripe old age of 48 Grin

Mittens1969 · 14/09/2017 00:06

I didn't really feel broody at all until I got married. I wasn't one of those young people who was desperate to look after other people's children. And I didn't feel very keen until DH and I started trying and I discovered that I couldn't conceive.

But then everything changed, I realised how much I did want them when it seemed like I wouldn't have them. And now, although it's very hard work I wouldn't be without my DDs.

asongforthelovers · 14/09/2017 00:14

I have never felt broody, babies do not phase me at all.

Here I am pregnant with no.3. I love my own children, not fussed for others.

GrockleBocs · 14/09/2017 00:15

I'm like Worra. I don't have a thing about all babies, just my babies :)

Original poster
loaferloveforyou · 14/09/2017 00:17

I'm glad I posted this. I thought I was going to be told if I wasn't broody for a baby I'm not ready. I'm ready our our own baby just not others (or maybe a few more kittens)

OP posts:
Original poster
loaferloveforyou · 14/09/2017 00:19

Worra I'd love a puppy, but with DH and I working full time it's just not fair. He wants a puppy more than I do but unless he can earn enough for me to be a lady of leisure/puppy looker-after it won't happen. Maybe when we retire at 70

OP posts:
Arealhumanbeing · 14/09/2017 01:18

It's only the next logical step if it really is what you want.

The urge to fit in and do what is expected of you can be mistaken for the urge to get pregnant or feeling broody.

Seren85 · 14/09/2017 01:29

OP are you me with some changes of derail to avoid outing? Did I post this and forget? Like you I'm fairly recently married, we have been working on the financial stuff as we agreed we both want a family except it is getting more real now as things fall into place and the agreed time to TTC is fast approaching. Our lives have been a party that we agreed we are ready to leave for a bit but then I do love the nights out and the festivals and just not answering to anyone in my free time. But I do want to take the leap, it is just the idea of of the reality that is terrifying. I almost wish we had an unplanned pregnancy as it would be out of my hands, if that makes sense? Sorry for rambling about me but I think I absolutely get where you are coming from.

Betsyboo87 · 14/09/2017 01:30

I'm the same. We're TTC and I'm looking forward to starting a family but I have never been interested in other babies. I've been really happy for colleagues who have babies but I have no desire to hold them and so have always politely declined. I've wondered if I was missing a motherly gene as my DM loves babies and always asks for a cuddle. However I've actually found this is pretty common. I'm sure I'll love my own - as will you.

Rainbunny · 14/09/2017 03:02

I didn't get married until my late thirties and then we spent a year enjoying ourselves so I face the prospect of trying to get pregnant for the first time at 39 and we are currently going through IVF. We constantly talk and doubt our commitment to having a child - even though the odds are against us at this point.

We live in a country where about 50% of all pregnancies are unplanned and I can understand why - going through a process like IVF has meant my DH and I have spent so much time thinking and considering what having a child means, that I almost think that all this "thinking" about it will put you off!

VinIsGroot · 14/09/2017 04:42

Congratulations on not being broody...I wasn't either.... Then 3 kids later ...to the disgust ofDH we are very fertile and didn't have to try to have babies. ..... He wanted more practice!!!!!
I think being broody comes after the first when you miss the newborn era!!!
Don't stress ...kittens are lovely too.

SilverForest · 14/09/2017 05:13

Don't let your thoughts around anyone else's baby influence you.
Also... however ready you think you are for the sleepness nights and intensity of parenthood, you aren't. It's all worth it though.

Nobody ever tells you before you have one just how hard it is because you wouldn't believe them.

Piewraith · 14/09/2017 05:43

seren85

But I do want to take the leap, it is just the idea of of the reality that is terrifying. I almost wish we had an unplanned pregnancy as it would be out of my hands, if that makes sense?

Tbh I think a lot of "unplanned" pregnancies have this exact thought behind them.

Sparklingbrook · 14/09/2017 06:35

I used to make myself busy elsewhere when someone brought a baby into work. An initial 'hi how are you?' but made a retreat before it started getting passed around.
Other people's babies never made me wish I had one.

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