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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have started an affair

57 replies

Bonny1974 · 13/09/2017 23:05

I'm not proud . I have been married 3 years together 6 . For the past year my husband have been really distant ( recently discovered this was down to drug mis use) . He hVe shown no interest in me . No attention ect .... Oh exsept when he buys me a gift he makes a big announcement to my family . Prob to show what a fantastic husband he is . Well a month ago . I stated an affair . With a single man . Our paths have crossed proffesinally for several years .recently I was thinking about him a lot . So I created a situation for us to be alone . I told him I was attracted to him . He was shocked but the feelings were mutual ( I already knew this ) I met him at his house he next day and had the most mind blowing time ever . .... I would not leave my husband for him .... I don't know what to expect from the comments . I think I just need to confes

OP posts:
PollyFlint · 13/09/2017 23:34

You obviously hate your husband as you have nothing good to say about him, so no idea why you wouldn't just leave rather than having a stupid cliched affair.

Guavaf1sh · 13/09/2017 23:36

I think you do in fact know what to expect in the comments. That's why you wrote the post

SandyY2K · 13/09/2017 23:36

Congratulations.

Kit262 · 13/09/2017 23:49

I have been married 17 years. I have a very centring husband who won't let me work or be financially independent. I have 3 kids 15,11,9. They adore their father he isn't abusive to me accept mentally. I have been to the police once when I got fed up but they say they can just help me if he's violent. The kids would like to stay with their father. I don't know weather to live this life with my kids in a house for free or leave

WorraLiberty · 13/09/2017 23:52

Name change fail?

pennysnow · 13/09/2017 23:57

...

I have started an affair
pennysnow · 13/09/2017 23:58

...

I have started an affair
TheFrendo · 13/09/2017 23:58

You cannot get away with proffesinally .

That's a fucking great oxymoron if ever there was one.

gluteustothemaximus · 14/09/2017 00:00

worra 🤣🤣🤣

AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/09/2017 00:11

My iPad is freaking out just having that on its screen.

All the best trolls use a spell checker.

JWrecks · 14/09/2017 00:25

I don't know why people start affairs. I can almost understand a drunken night something happening, and I can almost understand an emotional affair sort of starting up before either party truly realises it. Almost. Just leave the bloody marriage instead of betraying your partner.

But if things are bad in the marriage, then leave. Nobody deserves to be betrayed. And nobody deserves to have their partner's affair blamed on them. That's even more unfair.

Unfortunately, whether you don't want to leave your DH for this man or not, your marriage is over. It's over because you don't love him enough to not intentionally have sex with somebody else. When he figures out that this happened, he will leave. And he will figure it out. There is always something. It may take 20 years, or he may already be suspicious. Either way, he will figure it out eventually.

ilovesooty · 14/09/2017 00:38

Well considering that you're hardly going to be enfolded with sympathy I don't see what you're hoping to achieve by confessing on MN.

Candlemiss · 14/09/2017 00:47

Proffessiunarly. That's better.

BoysofMelody · 14/09/2017 00:58

I used to think I wouldn't be capable of having an affair and was scornful of those who did as thinking with their ground and self centered.

I had finished my PhD, couldn't find work and got a minimum wage job in a box office. I'd suffered from depression on and off throughout the PhD and my marriage wasn't in a good place. Whilst day to day, things were relatively harmonious, we'd not slept together for over a year and we're in seperate rooms. I felt useless and rejected. However none of which excused what happened.

Then I met another member of the summer staff at my new job, we got it off straight away, we enjoyed each other's company, made each other laugh, shared similar interests.

I found myself looking forward to seeing her each day and was miserable when our days off didn't coincide. It wasn't even a sexual attraction, but a deep romantic yearning, which I think is in some ways worse.

I feel ashamed to say it was the first time I'd felt good about myself and life in general and allowed myself to imagine what life would be like if we were a couple.

I didn't tell her or anyone else my feelings and I wouldn't have initiated anything. However, I honestly don't know how i would have responded if she'd told me had feelings for me. I feel very ashamed about that.

yorkshireyummymummy · 14/09/2017 01:15

TheFrendo - you are truly an expert with words. I couldn't have put it better myself. Infact, I nearly choked on a fruitella! Bravo dear lady.

Oh and Bonny1974 - you really should ( in the cold light of day, sober perhaps) read the comments on here. This is what society thinks of women who have affairs. Women don't like other women who have affairs as it could be our husband you go after next. Give yourself a shake, end either the affair or your marriage and start behaving properly. Affairs don't just hurt the people involved. They can decimate entire families. So,make sure it's worth it because somewhere along the line somebody will end up paying a high price for your poor behaviour.
You married for better or worse. You say your husband is abusing drugs. Give him some support and help for Christs sake- that is what a marriage is about! Not just going and screwing the nearest bloke because your other half isn't showing you enough attention / is actually ill.

quizqueen · 14/09/2017 01:19

I hope the OP doesn't work in the education field, as some posters have suggested, because she can't spell for toffee!

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/09/2017 01:51

I dont understand why an affair is preferable to leaving "D"H.

Please explain why you wont leave.

justinhawkinsnavalfluff · 14/09/2017 01:58

Just have the guts to say I don't love you and leave. .....

Gorgosparta · 14/09/2017 05:51

What do you want people to say?

'Yay!'

Grow up and leave your husband if he exists

Lallypopstick · 14/09/2017 07:08

You don't need a space before a full stop.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/09/2017 07:10

What exactly do You want people to say

gamerwidow · 14/09/2017 07:23

Stop being such a coward. If you're unhappy in your relationship do the decent thing and leave instead of hedging your bets with this new man.
I can understand relationships breaking down, people change and don't stay compatible but to lie every day to someone is disgusting.

SoupDragon · 14/09/2017 07:31

I don't know what to expect from the comments

Really??

Maudlinmaud · 14/09/2017 07:33

Ooh this woke me up. Just how many ops are there? I can see at least two. Someone's not been paying attention. Tsk.

OodleDoodleBug · 14/09/2017 07:41
Hmm