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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be almost in tears to see my children's term dates for the next year?

126 replies

CatONineTails · 13/09/2017 21:55

Two children, at schools 3 miles apart but in different counties. Each child is at the closest school (by several miles) for their age range.

Every. Single. Fucking. Holiday. is different. Different weeks for October half term. A one week overlap at Christmas but one finishes and starts a week before the other. Different weeks in February. I don't dare check Easter yet Sad

I'm a self employed single parent FFS. How the fuck are working parents meant to manage this? Thats almost 2 months of one or other of the children being off school - it's going to put a serious dent in my income. (Yes I know holiday clubs exist but they're not suitable for my younger child who has Aspergers).

And how the fuck is anyone meant to go from September to fucking Easter with only one week of lie ins?

OP posts:
Want2bSupermum · 14/09/2017 13:32

OP I really feel for you. DS has ASD and finding a sitter is challenging. Our best success has been hiring the aides that work or have worked with DS. I'd speak to the school and see if they have any suggestions. You might find that there is someone who needs to top up their income. Everyone here who is a sitter only accepts cash so no taxes paid. Not ideal but it keeps the price down. Also if you are self employed, you could put your sitter through your payroll service and pay the company back through your personal account.

I hope you are able to find a solution.

Ta1kinPeece · 14/09/2017 13:35

boffin
LA is supposed to work towards people having a reasonable alignment if they have kids at school over boundaries because of the local geography
Do you have a link for that ?

Just that it runs directly contrary to what Academies are allowed to do (and 2/3 of Secondaries are academies)

drspouse · 14/09/2017 13:44

Even leaving aside academies, church schools in our area often stay open for Holy Week when other schools are closed, ditto the last week of Advent.

5rivers7hills · 14/09/2017 13:47

Eeek that is a nightmare.

gladisgood · 14/09/2017 14:05

I feel for you OP.

I used to respite foster care, and would also volunteer to help out during holidays for those with SEN children who found it difficult to access mainstream childcare, so might be worth contacting local fostering teams to see if you have anyone like me living near you? or try Homestart?

RedForFilth · 14/09/2017 14:32

CatONineTails I have an acquaintance who is a single parent to three, all at different schools because siblings no longer get priority so this was the only way. She has the same problem. I'll try and find out how she works around it and let you know if she gets back to me.
My son isn't school age yet but I'm dreading the holidays being a single working mum too! I really do feel for you. Flowers and Wine for you

Original poster
CatONineTails · 14/09/2017 16:20

shirtyQWERTY WTF are you on about?

Thanks for all the ideas. HomeStart definitely won't help, it's absolutely not what they do (HomeStart volunteer speaking Grin)

I had a word with the teacher today who said it was out of their hands and a lot of parents are unhappy.

OP posts:
notanotherlasagne · 14/09/2017 16:22

Same here - one goes back on 2nd Jan, the other 8th ... so frustrating

TeenTimesTwo · 14/09/2017 16:35

I think you're going to have to ask favours and offer them in return.
Have someone else's kid for a week, and they have yours for a week. Even if you don't know them that well, you surely can't be the only parent this is going to cause an issue for.
Or can the Grandparents help at all?

HaHaHmm · 14/09/2017 16:37

I think shirtyQwerty is being sarcastic.

OP, in a way it's good that lots of parents are in a similar predicament. I would suggest approaching both schools en masse to explore whether an enterprising local company / nursery / sports club could set up a holiday club.

ForalltheSaints · 14/09/2017 16:38

I am surprised at Christmas being different but the others less so. The OPs situation is rare I expect, as most people have children in schools of the same authority. If schools did vary by area and there was not the situation the OP faces, it would make it more difficult for holiday prices to be hiked up so dramatically in school holidays though.

drspouse · 14/09/2017 18:31

The OPs situation is rare I expect,

Totally not rare. Here the private nursery, church schools, academies, and community schools in the same town can ALL have different holidays. And frequently do. School right up to the 23rd Dec is a common Catholic school thing.

Ta1kinPeece · 14/09/2017 18:57

The OPs situation is rare I expect, as most people have children in schools of the same authority.
Um no
Non LEA schools (Academies and Free schools) set their own term dates.
Primaries and Secondaries work to different exam schedules
ans a LOT of us live near / cross LA boundaries for schools

ChickenVindaloo2 · 14/09/2017 18:58

I've not RTFT but it's not that long ago parents were whining that terms dates were all the SAME at every school so that meant the prices of holidays peaked at those times and were demanding that term dates be staggered across different schools.

Ta1kinPeece · 14/09/2017 19:03

Chicken
Some parents still are.
The sane one agree with the OP

flumposie · 14/09/2017 19:06

It's rubbish. I'm a teacher as is my husband. We have different holidays at October and Easter. Our daughter has the same as me. Typical.

Original poster
CatONineTails · 14/09/2017 19:39

ChickenVindaloo yeah some parents did whine about that. I wasn't one of them!

Anyway further digging has revealed that in fact the secondary school is out of step with most other schools in its county - the majority of which seem to have the same dates as our county. So that makes it doubly ànnoying and means that a lot of parents in that county have the same issue too.

OP posts:
shouldwestayorshouldwego · 14/09/2017 20:18

Sounds as if it is an academy and exercising their right to do their own thing. Lots of phone calls and letters of complaint and maybe some extra holiday requests/unauthorised absence (not necessarily from you but from other parents) might make them re-evaluate. Teachers aren't usually too happy about these things either if they have children in other areas.

Lovemusic33 · 15/09/2017 13:03

It won't change the price of holidays, I'm sure holiday companies with soon pick up that some schools break up a week earlier/later, it will mean they will raise there prices over 3 weeks (Easter for example) instead of 2?

Babelange · 15/09/2017 13:30

I don't know the full details but this is what I remember about a D friend whose son has autism: funding was available from the LA for respite care - when he was at primary this was used to fund a carer to provide ad hoc out of school hours (esp holidays) befriending/socialisation (she had to recruit and pay person). On several occasions she recruited teachers-in-training who needed experience; there wasn't a lot of choice regarding candidates/high turnover. Some SN schools have longer terms to make sure learning doesn't unravel during holidays. Locally to her a club called 'Crofters' organised by LA (?) came and collected for 1/2 or occasional whole days (transport provided) doing various activities (often with children they might know for school). There was a 'Young Carers' group for the other siblings with great activities and things to do away from their caring responsibilities - heavily subsidised.
No idea how you access these in your area if it is so rural though Confused

CorbynsBumFlannel · 15/09/2017 14:38

Yes I would move the older child. A lot of parents have to balance the needs of more than one child so children can't always go to the best possible school for them if it's too far, out of the la, not practical etc.
As for why the op should do that does anyone have a better idea?

ilovesushi · 15/09/2017 14:41

That sucks! I teach in a neighbouring county from my kids' schools and the year before last none of my half terms coincided. It was a bloody nightmare.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 16/09/2017 15:30

Cat.

I'm a self employed single parent under financial strain. I don't have a spare room - I rent a 2 up 2 down house and the "living room" is already my bedroom. I can't afford to cover the costs of another adult in the house never mind paying any kind of wage!

Au pairs are as outside my world as holidays

I get that ^ and I really feel for you.

Childcare is hard enough to find & afford with NT children, for those with SN it's VERY hard :(.

It's a shit situation with the term dates.

Are you totally sure you're claiming everything you can? There seems to be a baffling number of different things people can claim & confusing variations of everything. It's ridiculous. But maybe someone can check for you?!

As I say, I understand your housing & financial situation, however, can't your kids share the biggest room & an Au Pair/Free Renter have the smallest one? Could you look at just 'Rent free room in return for some childcare' (I did that years ago & babysat (for other people) to get enough cash to otherwise to support myself) If the alternative is you not working, surely it's worth investigating?

Can you advertise for a uni student etc just for a few hours?

I guess the other thing is to take a very critical look at your self employed income. Can you up your rates? Would you be better off getting a job? But it's hard I know because the flexibility of being self employed is very valuable too.

Original poster
CatONineTails · 16/09/2017 15:37

I don't rate my chances of persuading a teenage to share a room with a primary age child of the opposite sex Grin it wouldn't be appropriate or fair though, really it wouldn't.

We will manage. It will be deal able with but it will be grim and shit especially for my poor oldest child. Their holidays will be very boring as I will have to work while they are off, whereas my younger child will get actual attention during their holiday as I cannot work with them around and will need to occupy/entertain them. So it's not a case of completely unworkable, but it is miserable. I was very upset when I first posted but now I've calmed down and come up with A Plan I feel like we can do this.

I'm hoping one of my parents might be able to take a few days off work so my oldest can go to stay with them and have some spoiling from grandparents on their own!

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 16/09/2017 16:22

It's good you've got A Plan. Life is always better with A Plan. Even if it ends up being completely rewritten flexible.

I hope your parents can have the Eldest for a break for them, but if they're anything like a typical teenager they'll be happy if they can wear the gaming/tablet stuff out without being told to do something else! Might they be able to go on a few sleepovers? I wish people who are struggling would ask for stuff like this as I wouldn't mind at all, but if you don't know people's circumstances you don't think to offer unless the kids ask for it. Same with your youngest, if they were friends with the DC I'd have them over sometimes - I would happily deal with 'challenging' if it gave you some space to work.

Actually. Just a thought. Is there anyone who might be able to bring their DC over to play & would be happy to supervise them while you work? I'd do that happily if you thought it would work.

If you really luck out your parents might take the youngest for a few days too! Even if it's a weekend you could get stuff done and spend time with the eldest.

Anyway, good luck with The Plan 🍷🌷