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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think I should be able to watch my child do Jujitsu?

38 replies

Silverstreaks · 13/09/2017 18:52

I've just dropped DD at her weekly class at a school different to her daily one.

All parents have been told to leave and come back five minutes before the end. Apparently the school has said parents cannot be in the school premises without a DBS check. Is this actually correct? It seems overkill to me.

OP posts:

MadMags · 13/09/2017 18:53

I coach children in a sport and we don't allow parents into the hall. Drop at door. Collect at end from door.

It's a liability having them there in more ways than one...

MadMags · 13/09/2017 18:53

And why do you need to watch?!

lalalalyra · 13/09/2017 18:54

DBS is an excuse, but I don't blame them. Parents can cause no end of bother.

PoppyPopcorn · 13/09/2017 18:55

It's not the norm for parents to stand and watch at any of the various sporting classes I've sent the kids to over the years.

Sirzy · 13/09/2017 18:56

How old are they?

Over about 7 I wouldn't expect parents to be staying anyway.

ChelleDawg2020 · 13/09/2017 18:57

It's a cop-out but easier for the school to ban all parents than potentially allow a sex-offender to "enjoy" the children as they perform their activities.

GoodEggGertie · 13/09/2017 18:59

It also means the kids can concentrate & they're all on a equal footing. It's rubbish for the kids who parents don't care about sticking around to be the only ones without cheerleaders. Leave them to it & let them show you their moves when you get home

Userwhocouldntthinkofagoodname · 13/09/2017 19:05

Its a polite way of saying parents in the room are a right PITA. And they really are. It would be usual to have something once a year that parents can come in to watch.

Original poster

Silverstreaks · 13/09/2017 19:22

Normally I'd sit in the freezing hall and read my kindle. I don't interfere but do listen when information is given.

Whilst the class is going on at one end if the sports hall badminton is being played by adults at the other, I don't think they will have a DRB.

OP posts:

Original poster

Silverstreaks · 13/09/2017 19:24

It's a mixed class mostly 10 -14 but some adult beginners.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 13/09/2017 19:41

10-14 year olds. Of course parents don't need to stay and watch!

SalamiSandwich · 13/09/2017 20:18

Why do you need to stay?

Doobigetta · 13/09/2017 20:22

Children don't concentrate on the class properly when their parents are watching- they perform instead.

IdaDown · 13/09/2017 20:30

DS does karate. We can sit in the school hall and watch normal classes but not grading exams. Parents were complaining and arguing the results with Shihan and Sensei - so now we're (parents) banned.

Could it be because of over involved parents?

Original poster

Silverstreaks · 13/09/2017 20:32

Salami if I lived near the school I would.

It's a forty minute drive, an hour lesson then forty home again. There is no cafe or coffee shop, not even a pub near by.

OP posts:

Andrewofgg · 13/09/2017 20:42

Take a thermos and sit in your car. There is more than one good reason for that policy and DBS is just one of them.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 13/09/2017 20:47

I'm with the class on this, for the most part parents are a liability in a teaching setting.

I'd second the flask of coffee and kindle idea.

BackieJerkhart · 13/09/2017 20:52

What on earth would you need to watch for? unless it's a grading then there is no need. Sit in the car, listen to music, read a book, call a friend/your partner/your parents, go for a walk.

JamButtyLand · 13/09/2017 21:03

Probably some parent in the past has thought they know better than the Sensei and has been over to their dc telling them how to do the move. Or the dc go running to parent for a drink or whatever.
It's very disruptive to the class and can also be dangerous if a child runs through the dojo without looking and gets in the way of others doing a throw.
Some parents are real PITA and don't help the discipline aspect of martial arts

Original poster

Silverstreaks · 13/09/2017 21:11

This is the first week it has happened so will organise comfort and warmth for the future.

I have wondered the same user who and ida maybe it's the club rather than the school. There are some noisy buggers there.

I did actually have a DBS completed recently. Are they transferable?

OP posts:

MammaTJ · 13/09/2017 21:34

My DD does Karate, we are allowed to watch her classes, her advanced classes, her gradings and her competitions. We are clearly a better behaved bunch than IdaDown's lot!!

DBS is an excuse, IMO! There is only a need for that if an adult if having unsupervised access to children, i.e. taking them to the toilet or teaching them alone. As a parent, watching your own child in a class, it is totally unecessary!

I help out in a Youth Club my DC attend. I offered to do a DBS and they said I didn't need to as I was there as a parent!

SuzukiLi · 13/09/2017 21:40

Even my 3 year olds class the parents aren't allowed to stay

lalalalyra · 13/09/2017 21:41

You only need a DBS if you are actually doing anything that puts you in a position of sole responsibility for the children.

Parents can be a pain though. They can interrupt. The question how things are done. They can breach privacy ("Your boy got a right row from the coach/teacher/staff earlier..."). They can affect the behaviour of children - some are quieter around their parents and some play up more.

When we go on a trip and have parent helpers I never allow parents to be in the same group as their own child. For all all of the above reasons as well as - it can be hard for the kids whose parents can't be there to help/watch to see X's Mum with him. Also, if I give a child a row then unless it's serious enough for the parent to be told they don't need to know. If Billy and Simon get in trouble it's not fair if Billy then cops it from his Mum later on just because she was able to help out.

Aeviternity · 13/09/2017 21:44

The first reason is usually because kids behave very differently when parents are around. Usually in the manner of lying on the floor whining that they can't do it, help me tie my shoe, waaaaa~~~~ ohgoditsawful, and yeah, wht no parents the kids all suddenly act like normal human beings.

The second reason is the modern plague of the Pushy Parent, eagerly running up and down the room shouting, chanting, cheering and calling out instructions. Often seen at swimming classes. I have a friend with a cracking anecdote about one nutcase who jumped in, fearing his little princess was drowning.

Go enjoy yourself. Part of the point of kids' classes is giving them some independence.

nancy75 · 13/09/2017 21:54

Kids don't behave properly when parents are there. It might be ok if just you stay & watch, but what if all parents stay? What if parents stay & bring younger kids, who then run around causing havoc & parents don't stop them? Parents start asking questions during the lesson, parents get annoyed if their child is told off, parents think they know better than the teacher, what starts as 1 parents watching can soon turn into a bloody nuisance! I work for a sports lesson provider, believe me none of my scenarios are out of the ordinary - we have now banned all parents.

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