Given a bollocking at work

[weebarra]

I work in a public sector middle management role. I've worked part time as a student, then full and part-time in a professional role, since I was 16.
Today I got a total bollocking over the phone from a senior member of another department about something I have responsibility for but hadn't done. (Didn't know it needed done).
Am I being a special snowflake to never have been spoken to like that before in my working life at the age of almost 40? AIBU to be a bit upset?

It's a great chance to get an ally.
Next time you see them breathe deeply, say. Look I'm really sorry about the other day. I've got a lot on and I prioritised in a way that obviously left you a bit stuck, what happened? . I probably need a week or so notice if you need it done by a particular. Date here's my suggestions, thanks for your help, of course you were right to raise etc.

My best ally at work was someone who lost it with me because from their perspective I had deeply insulted them. Everyone wanted me to formalise a complaint and turn it into a big thing, but my view was concern for the actual issue and I felt awful that they had had to get that upset. They still respond positively to emails from me years later as essentially with what they knew at the time, they were right.

In public sector jobs a lot is heaped onto people with no regard for other tasks or resources available and invariably everyone thinks their need is the only thing you do.

My favourite was a '5 minute job' list so that when people said 'it will just take five minutes' I'd say I do an hour if these short jobs a day so it wibe done Thursday morning. People often did it themselves :),

To be honest you should have known about it it it's within your area of responsibility. I agree that ignorance isn't really an excuse.

From your post you appear to have a relaxed attitude to QA processes - which wouldn't be acceptable anywhere I've worked.

If you are in the wrong all you can do it take your lumps politely and schedule the task as soon as it can be done.

I'd also be meeting with my boss to make sure there isn't anything else I'm missing out.

I'm quite surprised that you've got up 40 yo without having ever had a bollocking at work tbh. Lucky you.

It's natural to be a bit upset but don't overthink it. It was the most important thing that happened to you today but as long as you resolve this issue the Department Head won't give it another thought, it was just one of a hundred things she did today.

"It is a thing that is part of my remit which does need done"
"something I have responsibility for but hadn't done"
"She wasn't offensive but made it clear she was angry."

"Am I being a special snowflake" A bit.

donquixotedelamancha Hahahaha.... Yup.

You're nearly 40 and no one has ever got angry with you for something you did or didn't do in the workplace? Fuck me.

"they obviously chose to go straight to you not complain to your manager"

Dead right too. Far better to be blunt and give people chance to fix the problem.

Try not to let it worry you. I used to be a senior HR manager and I couldn't even count the number of times someone told me a member of staff said I had given them a bollocking. Normally it was me asking them if they had done something and if they hadn't then asking them if they could let me have it. I wasn't a bollocking sort of manager and worked with people unless bollocking was the only way.

I think if you have always been a good member of staff, done your job, rarely got it wrong then being told you did get it wrong hurts, it hurts your pride and dignity but that doesn't mean it was a bollocking.

If you are having a bad week it will feel even worse. Of course sometimes it is a bollocking but from your follow up it doesn't sound like it. The manager has probably forgotten all about it.

So be kind to yourself, hold your head up high and remember we all get things wrong.

Whatever it was obviously wasn't very important at the time for you but it was to her. She wouldn't have been angry if it was trivial. Assuming you have now dealt with the omission it's all over now.
What's scary clown said, that!

YANBU there is no need for a bollocking , everything can be done in a civilised manner. It's says more about them than you. I'd be furious

YANBU. A manager should check its your responsibility and that you knew about it.

At least you "only" got a bollocking and not worse. To me, that says that your boss knows you work hard and trusts you to do a good job, which is a good thing. I would guess she was making sure you understood the importance of that particular task so that you don't forget it or deprioritise it again. Do you have somebody you can delegate that task?

Why didn't you know it needed doing?

Surely the key thing is why didn't you know about it? Was it because someone else failed to tell you that it needed to be done (even if it did fall within your remit - for example I deal with some categories of bill payments at work, but if no-one sent me the paperwork for a particular bill, it wouldn't be paid - not my fault as I don't have a crystal ball) or was it something you should have known about?

If the latter, just treat it as a learning process and work out why you didn't know about it and whether there is anything else you should be looking for. IME the best systems never tell people off, they help them to learn from their experiences and do a better job next time.

I hate getting a bollocking at work and I hate making mistakes.

I always have the full ranty, sweary argument that I want to have... in my head on my own (usually in the car or the shower.)

Then I fix my mistake.
Put measure in place to ensure I don't make it again.
Go to the person who was affect by the mistake; let them know it's sorted, apologise and explain how I'm not going to screw up again.

And I always feel a lot better.

And people respect you when you own your mistakes and fix them yourself.

Good advice on this thread about moving forward and checking responsibilities/deadlines. Just popping in to empathise - I hate being told off, too. I hope you're not too upset.

You balls up. You were told. You won't do it again. Pefectly acceptable and normal.

It depends; is it a task that you would be notified about or is a regular task?

Or is it something that you are responsible for but how often is irregular and you should have been notified that it was required?

If its a regular thing (IE: X report is expected every Thursday) take it on the chin, acknowledge you were in the wrong and maybe discuss with your manager what to do next time.
Do they agree that you did the right thing; should you have emailed out saying due to unexpected events X will be delayed.

If it's something you should have been notified about and weren't, take a deep breath, write an email apologising that they were inconvenienced, but can they ensure they give you some/more notice next time and then sit on the email for 24 hours; get a colleague to read it, and then send.

How come you didn't know this task had to be done? Is that your fault for not knowing your role? Or were you not trained properly?

You need to manage the workload better and communicate, even if that's just a quick email to whoever to say you are aware and it's on the to do list, or delegate it to another member of staff who is capable of doing the work.

YANBU - no need for bollocking. I never got this in my first 15 years of working but (may be the change of sector) now it seems to happen to my much more frequently.

Why can't people just be calm and professional? Just don't see the need to belittle people and make them feel anxious. Everyone makes mistakes, even the people throwing fits. They should have discussed it with you human to human.

I agree with others you need to own it.

However, it is not entirely your fault and you also need to give your own manager a heads up since you were working on priority items and not this one, clearly it is a resource and prioritisation issue for the organisation. I also don't like the fact that it was another department's senior member that spoke to you like that. As a manager, I would not 'bollock' a more junior member of staff (not saying you are 'junior', just relatively) in another team. I would speak to that junior member's manager on my level to ask first, rather than shoot from the hip which can be intimidating for that person.

The manager has the power to fix it, but not necessarily the person doing the role.

You are not unreasonable to be upset. I assume you are upset only because you take pride in your work. I have given stern words before to subordinates who did not give a toss they got moved on.

I'm with the HR manager upthread: did you really 'get a bollocking'? It doesn't sound like it.

You failed to do something that was your responsibility, it caused her a problem, she had the good grace to call you instead of going to your boss with a complaint, she was angry but not offensive.

That is not a bollocking, sorry.

Don't be a snowflake. Since when is a telling off at work an excuse to burst into tears and demand that the perpetrator be punished? Which is where this is leading, I can tell.

It happens. I got yelled at for some work I outsourced and it was a pile of poo.

In my defence - it was a translation and the guy who did it was a bloody native speaker! Sadly his written English turned out not to be all that brilliant, and his written Dutch was just horrible.

The boss kept yelling at me 'why didn't you read it!' And just kept saying 'I don't speak Dutch! I never said I could speak Dutch! The translator is Dutch!'.

He did cool off and apologise (while half of the office rubbernecked to peer though the small glass panel in the meeting room door).

I think if you're in your 40s and never had someone angry at you then you're very lucky.

I got a bollocking today from a manager because she wants me to do something but my manager has said it's not my job and I'm not to do it. Other manager is angry which I understand and she was obviously furious today. I don't really feel that I deserved to be shouted at but I calmly stated my side of the story and just don't let it affect me. Manager will calm down.

The senior boss at work has a reputation for shouting at people a lot and people often come out of meetings in tears.

Aww, I'm 45 and hate being told off - although in 25 years of this career, I've been bollocked loads of times

It stings because generally speaking, most of us need to feel validated and reassured that we are doing a good job. Sometimes we mess up and get called on it - go ahead and have a private cry, then sleep on it. In the morning you'll feel stronger and you can approach said coworker, tell them that you resolved the problem which lead to this being overlooked, and you won't put them in that position again.

Now, speaking as a manager, just shrug it off and move on. Nobody is perfect, you're okay.

We are all adults and telling off or angry for general work tasks isn't necessary. Whether I've worked in the public or private sector people generally try to do a good job. Diving in with anger sounds unprofessional. Priorities change, time and people resources change and this could be very much out of a your control. You may have to chose between to cost, on time or quality.

In this case it was your responsibility, I don't think the manager should have approached it the way they did. Managers bollock, tell off, get angry; leaders set clear objectives and provide feedback - as a result of X being missing was y in future could you z?

If someone bollocked one of my staff or team I would make my displeasure known and ask them not to approach the individual in future. Maybe the senior manager need to have the bun fight?