To have finally had enough of this shit?

[entitledmuch1]

Posting under a name change just in case. But I have finally had enough of my sister and her children and my mum.

In short, they are allowed to do what they like. If they don't they whine. It is so totally scripted. They ask for something. Any hint of a no gets a long whine or a grizzle until they get given what they want.

My mum dealt with us as children that no meant no and that is it. But her "cute" grand-kids are allowed the most appalling behaviour for no reason.

A huge bugbear of mine is respect for my property which is never shown. I have banned them as being guests in my home as my sisters children are in my bedroom, my study, my bathroom cupboards, my fridge, my food cupboards, the lot. They take what they want. One of them took, stood on and damaged the screen of my tablet in my study. My sister sits and watches it and when I finally deal with them myself and shout at the children to stop what they are doing in my home, she sternly tells me not to be mean to them and she will deal them...but she doesn't. So I banned her from coming to my house but I still get it at hers and on family gatherings at my parents.

The little one in particular (they are 3 and 5) is particularly disrespectful of my things. My phone is a target for him and he has been trying to get it for about a year. He knows I wont let him have it and he tries everything to get it. He sits next to me when I need to use my phone, asks what I am doing, are you playing games, I want to play, etc. I just ignore him and put it away when I've finished.

But what drives me crazy is a few times I have caught him taking my handbag and going into it for my phone. The screen is passcode locked so he wouldnt be able to use it but he may break it. I have gone as far as putting my bag high on a shelf and they have climbed on chairs to try and get it. So it isn't me being careless. At 3.5 and nearly 6 they are old enough to understand they are not allowed my handbag and to respect that. They aren't babies.

There are also prescription drugs in my handbag. They are in foil blisters so not in child proof bottles. I need to take them during the day so they need to be in my bag. I finally let rip at my sister last time I caught the 3 year old with my bag and said to teach her children to keep out of my handbag and respect peoples property. She said they were doing no harm. I said there are prescription drugs in there and would she like to risk a hospital trip just because her kids wont leave my bag alone. My sister actually said I shouldn't carry my pills in my bag.......!

So I am not supposed to carry my pills that I need during the day in my own bag and I am just supposed to allow them to go in my handbag?

It has got to the point where her children are deliberately goading me every time they see me about this issue.

They see their mother and grandmother letting them do what they like and telling me to give them the things of mine that they want. Their mother tells me in front of them to let them have it and when I say no, they get annoyed. But because their mother tells me in front of them oh let them have it, they see it as a game now I think, seeing when I'll give in.

It is EVERY time I see them. There are certain things of mine they want and they KNOW I will not allow them to have but they try every time as their mother encourages me to hand my stuff over. I have to watch my things like a hawk as I know they dont respect things and will take without asking.

It is a horrible thing to say but I actually now cant stand being around the children. I dont actually want to see them anymore. In a way in it not their fault but their mother won't see sense and their behaviour is terrible.

WIBU to back off and just stop going to see them at all?

One of my meds is in foil blisters. The other one absorbs moisture and the bottle has dessicant in the cap to absorb moisture or the drug is useless. The cap on it is not child proof and I cant take them out the bottle without rendering them useless.

It started when younger one was very little. He was toddling so about 16 months. I came back from the kitchen to see that he had taken my cosmetics bag out my hand bag opened the cosmetics bag and was emptying the contents on to the floor. He had pulled out all the tampons as no doubt attracted to the brightly coloured wrappers and was at the point I came back holding a strip of contraceptive pills. I said take that off him and his dad said its ok im watching him with it. So his dad was almost as bad and let the child handle drugs as hebwas watching him.

I took it off him and put it away. That's what I've had to deal with.

I was also a bit at my BIL seeing the contents of my cosmetics bag.

I wish now Id put a bullet vibe in their, that'd teach them.

*there not their

think you are being irresponsible for keeping drugs in it that aren't in childproof packaging
Wtf? Are you serious?
Yes how very dare the op keep her prescription meds in their own packaging and not transfer them into a childproof container simply because her sil wont stop her kids going into her bag
Strangely ive never had to transfer any of my medication into another container ( and i have a lot) because when i visit the kids are told not to go in my bag.

think you are being irresponsible for keeping drugs in it that aren't in childproof packaging
Just to add I have some medicine that I need to use if a certain rare medical event happens. They are small pills in a blister pack, they don't come in a child proof bottle. I keep them in my purse to increase the chance that I have then if I need them wherever I am.

Sweet lord. It's all your fault OP for not using a bum bag or a locked briefcase or putting all your personal possessions on a high shelf. And for not remembering that 3 year olds must never be told no because the little darlings can't cope with it and for being so uptight about your private personal things being thrown about and broken you clearly hate children and know nothing about them, as opposed to the 'what can you do?!' brigade and their fine wisdom on here

I don't know what planet some of you live on.

Anyway, I would not be able to put up with this OP. Your mother and sister should be ashamed of themselves. They are in for a world of pain as those children get older, piss off more and more people and have no idea why

OP, I am really sorry for you that you have all this hassle. YRDNBU - your DSis, DBIL & DM are.

I'm a mum and I have two boys now in their teens. One of which has ADHD and Dyspraxia, so I know all about whining, temper tantrums, fiddling and pushing boundaries. When they were younger, there's only 2 years between them, I did have alot of behavioural problems - mainly with the one with SN, but to be honest all kids can be naughty and one badly behaved can set the other off. However there is no bloody excuse for your DSis to sit back on her @rse and let them do whatever they want, or even encourage them to purposely misbehave.

Saying no, teaching them right from wrong, and putting boundaries in place with consequences if they don't listen is called Parenting. Stopping them from fiddling with things that might hurt or kill them or others is called Tough Love and being Responsible. You might have to repeat yourself umpteen times until they get it but Perseverance is what being a mother or a father is all about, and I find it incredible that there are posters who think its all right for kids to misbehave and have whatever they want when they want it. Actually that sort of attitude is dangerous and smacks of neglect. Its not the OP who is being neglectful by carrying medication she needs to use in her private belongings its the mother who knowingly doesn't bother to stop her children playing with other people's things. She is responsible.

If you don't want to be bothered with your children or instill good behaviour or any values then why have them and inflict their bad behaviour on the rest of society?

I would never have tolerated that sort of behaviour from my children at that age or any age and would have been on them like a ton of bricks till they got the message. We used reward charts, races, competitions, games & parenting strategies like Magic 123 to cope with bad behaviour and reward good behaviour. It didn't always work, but there was no way I'd have just capitulated and done nothing. Why should other people put up with my children's bad behaviour?? Why should I put up with the bad behaviour of other people's children??

OP, I think if you want to still have contact then I would think about the handbag lock that others have spoken of although I definitely like the idea some have said about lots of messy stuff that will take ages to come out of carpets and off walls. Let your DSis and DM reap the consequences.

Put your own boundaries in place either when the children are with you or if your DSis or DM are there. If they ask for your phone just say you aren't playing games but are sending a private message to your friend, and that your phone is your property and isn't a toy. Should they want a phone to play with then they need to ask for their mother's or grandmother's. Yours is for you only and your bag is for you only - it is private and there are also things in there that the doctor needs you to take to stay well, but if they fiddle with them could seriously hurt them and mean mummy needs to take them to hospital which could get her into alot of trouble.

If they whine, ask them if they still want you to do games with them, take you to the park, the theatre? You will only take good children who do not play you up, go in your bag or fiddle with your things or are whiny. When my kids used to whine about being bored, I always told them only boring people get bored - they soon found things to do with their imagination and being creative.

It might sound daft but I'd also introduce a Good Behaviour Notebook with reward stickers and for every visit you have with them where they follow your rules put a sticker in for each of them. If they get an agreed number of stickers then that will get them a nice surprise or a reward (cinema trip? playtime? zoo?). Make sure they get into a ritual where you reward them with a sticker for good behaviour just before you go, and if you are out somewhere with them the sticker ritual if they've been good just before the end of the outing.

If your DSis and your DM moan or complain either ignore or just use No repeatedly. Or tell them they might tolerate such bad behaviour but you don't have to. Its inappropriate behaviour.

If they continue to get at you and encourage the children to misbehave I'd be tempted to cut the visit short, maybe saying the kids must be quite tired or ill as they are acting up, so you'll let them get some rest and quiet time and will see them another time when they are feeling better. Then just leave.

It sounds like there are either behavioural issues, but if they don't play you up when your DSis isn't there and obsess re phones then it sounds more like its lack of parenting and boundaries that are the problem - or as Social Services might term it a form of mild neglect.

Just a thought, but if you can bear it, and you love them, you might consider offering to take either both of them or one of them at a time to do your sister a 'favour' with short little breaks 'regularly' so you can instill your own boundaries and reward system. Then when you are at your DSis or DM's the kids might ignore their mother's attempts to undermine you. They might much prefer the sticker and the reward they know they will get from you.

Victim blaming are you kidding me! The Op knows that these particular young children have a habit of going into her handbag, so yes it is irresponsible to keep unsecured drugs within their grasp. Why the hell do you think they clearly state 'keep out of reach from children' on the packaging. Yes, the Op's sister is irresponsible but that doesn't mean she has to compound that irresponsibility. If those children did get hold of and ingested those drugs, i really don't think 'well they shouldn't of gotten into my handbag, despite me knowing they regularly try to' would suffice.

You can't change your mother and your sister and you aren't going to change their parenting, so accept it and restrict your exposure to behaviour that you find unacceptable.

Victim blaming, those comments really made me smile, thanks.

Isetan I am EXTREMELY interested in what your suggestion would be for a GTN spray. My DH has to carry one 24/7

Sister is lazy and cannot be bothered to discipline her children which we all know takes time and effort. Wouldn't even ask if children behave the same elsewhere or just with you. Avoid at all cost before you end up hating the kids. It's your house, property and sister should respect that. Take a break, perhaps meet at soft play for coffee, children can wreck things there.

Im guessing that the OP and Loveache will be the ones expected to step up when their DMs need care in the distant future as they are the ones without kids so maybe their DMs should learn to stop disrespecting them and their property.

Isetan it was not the OPs choice to have these children Im really fucked off with the attitude from society towards childless/childfree people. It seems ok to disrespect them and their property yet the minute an elderly relative needs care (to quote Al Pacino in Sea of Love) "SUDDENLY IM EVERYBODYS DADDY" Or Mummy in this case.

So OP your mum and Loveaches may reap what they have sowed in more ways than one!

Isetan
No it wouldn't be the ops faiult, it would be the parents.

Would also love to to know your suggestion for lozenges medications that would break as soon as you put it in a bottle...

'Isetan it was not the OPs choice to have these children Im really fucked off with the attitude from society towards childless/childfree people. '

Same here. And the second you suggest that parents do a bit of actual parenting you get jumped on and called a child hater

Isetan Nope. OP has the right to have HER drugs in their original and intended packaging in HER own bag, without other people's little shites nursery and school-age children helping themselves because their own mother can't be arsed to parent them.

You're either trying to push people's buttons or you're the OP's sister.

So if MrsKoala thinks 3year old have no knowledge of what they are doing, are not aware, how come we are being urged to listen to 3 year olds desiding their gender? There is not such thing as a "kid proof" house/garden, I know that from several years working in a busy ED, AND from having 4 kids, 5 grandkids! So dont take your handbag to a house with kids, clothes with ties,ribbons, buttons, potential choke, trip, hang, money in pockets can be swallowed!

What are you on about? I never said that. I said that peadiatricians told me that children gain ability to control themselves at different ages - all within normal range according to them 'the experts'. And that they told me that at 3 some are still not able to manage impulse control and (just like potty training a child when they aren't ready) it's better to just not get into that battle and say no, remove the items, don't go to the places they cannot cope with yet, then try again when they have gained a bit more self control.

One said it was just a recipe for misery and negative connotations for a child who is not ready to continually put them in a situation you know they cannot cognitively cope with just to repeatedly tell them off. The HVs and behaviourists who came to my house also spoke about the amount of times a child hears the word No and being told off. If it's constant it can be quite psychologically damaging.

Obviously this is within reason. But basically, if you are doing it repeatedly more than what you consider a 'normal' amount of learning time and they still aren't getting it, maybe it's time for a different approach. ie just removing the temptation and allowing everyone - including you to not be miserable.

It's just all a bit dog in a manger/bloody minded/setting kids up to fail for me. Purposely set traps/hilariously kick them up the arse etc. It's just so mean spirited and joyless.

But OP said they're not like it when she has them and their mum is not around. So your theory MrsKoala doesn't work in this case.

They do it when their mum and GM is around, because the adults encourage it.

It wasnt my theory in this particular case. It was a response to the amount of posters doing the '3 years old is old enough to know better'. Just general observations on 3 year olds really. Just like all the 'well my 3 year old can do it so therefore so can everyone's'.

Crikey and there was me thinking that 'keep out of the reach of small children' was an unambiguous statement, that even the most simple minded could follow.

And again for the record, the poor parenting of the OP's sister's children is not her responsibility but in this particular instance, when she knows that these children are fascinated by the contents of her handbag she would be negligent to keep drugs in her handbag within their reach.

If some of you want to see this as victim blaming, knock yourselves and feel free to lobby the drug companies to remove the 'keep out of the reach of small children' warnings.

It's obvious what the failings of the Op's families behaviour to these children are but the Op can't change that, all she can do is protect her property by limiting its exposure to unruly and destructive hands. The Op is a lot more patient than I could ever be because I would have stopped being around the manufacturer and products of such poor parenting a long time ago. DD is now 10 and has been using my iPad since she was 6 but it's my iPad and her using it, is and always will be a privilege and not a right. I very occasionally have to break out the Isetan death stare, if there's the faintest whiff of entitlement. When she inherits my iPhone next year, there will be conditions and failure to abide by those conditions will result in its confiscation. For her sake, I hope she knows me well enough to know that life will be a lot harder if she tries to play me.

Ffs, just leave the medicine in the car.

All this talk of not visiting, what's all that about? There have been plenty of way solutions to these problems suggested in the thread but met against a tide of "she shouldn't have to do that", well, yes, agreed but these children are going to grow up and the rift you could cause by being right about this won't be fixed as easily as a tight grip on your phone and a more relaxed approach to your sister's parenting skills.

Your tone of frustrated common-sense has made me laugh, upperlimit .

I think common sense left this thread long, long ago, to be replaced with sit-com solutions (vibrators in handbags: why.would.you.bother.).

upper, the OP says clearly about her medication 'I need to take them during the day so they need to be in my bag'. Did you not read that, or not understand it?

...psychologically damaging to tell a 3 year old no? I'll tell my Mum that, clearly she was setting me up to be emotionally stunted because I was told no to having sweets before dinner/crisps/drawing on the walls/climbing on stuff/jumping on the bed.