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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I was trying to help today at work rather then being unprofessional

63 replies

Partypolitics99 · 11/09/2017 18:59

My husband and I both work in the same place but on different projects. Both projects are very small and really suffer if someone is off sick. The sickness rate for the other staff on the projects is quite high.
We both took this morning as annual leave as we have been away at the weekend for a wedding. The wedding was yesterday so we took this morning as annual leave so we could set off back, drop DS in school and then get into work for 12.30.
All planned in advance with work and school and all good.
In the car on the way home my DS throws up a lot. I check his temp and it is high so not just travel sickness and we come to the conclusion he can't go into school. One set of grandparents are abroad and he other is staying at the wedding town to spend some more time with relatives. So this means either DH or I can't go into work.

So I ring my boss and explain and I ask if any of the projects are short of cover and which one of us would be best coming in- me or my husband.
My boss says it is our decision so I say fine I will come in and DH will stay at home.

When I get to work my boss goes mad at me calling me unprofessional for asking her and as our manager I should not have put her in that position.
I explained that from our point of view either of us could have come in, we both work the same hours and do the same days just on different projects so before making the decision we just wanted to check if either of the projects was down on staff. (Just for information we have never been off with DS before when he has been ill)
She said i need to thick before I act and I said I was thinking. She called me insolent and to never do anything like this again.

Also when she did this it was in front of 5 other members of staff, 2 of whom are new and I have never met before as they they started today.
So did I do wrong?

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 11/09/2017 19:01

No, sounds like you were trying to do the right thing. And I'd make an official complaint against your manager too.

MytToeHurtsBetty · 11/09/2017 19:01

She sounds batshit. But what canyou do?

QueenMortificado · 11/09/2017 19:02

Sounds like she handled it really badly. Particularly for addressing you like this in front of other members of the team

Is anything else at play here? Seems unusual to just reacte like that for no reason?

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 11/09/2017 19:02

Confused You sound totally reasonable to me. Hope your DS is feeling better.

MoMandaS · 11/09/2017 19:02

No!

Shakey15000 · 11/09/2017 19:03

No you didn't as far as I can see. Is your boss normally like this?

WalkanTalk · 11/09/2017 19:04

I think that was a really good idea. Don't really understand what her beef was.

RedSkyAtNight · 11/09/2017 19:05

Is she boss of both projects? Would she be fully up to date with what was going on in both projects and know"instantly" if it was more vital for you or your DH to come in? If not, I can see that you were putting her on the spot to make a decision that might come back and bite her.

StarfishSeahorse · 11/09/2017 19:05

Your manager is a dick and completely unprofessional herself to have spoken to you that way in front of other staff members.
You've tried to do the right thing for the company by finding out which of you is needed less/more, there's nothing wrong with what you've done I think your manager was just reaching for something to tell you off for some reason is she usually a twat like this?

redphonebox · 11/09/2017 19:06

She sounds crazy. I'm so confused about what her issue was??

Original poster
Partypolitics99 · 11/09/2017 19:13

She is the overall managers and manages the two projects. I just honestly thought it was the right thing to check.

She is like this all the time. When she had finished the rest of staff who had listened in (apart from the new ones) said we could not have done right for doing wrong. If we had made the decision for one of us to come in she would have gone mad and said the other one should be in.

OP posts:
Original poster
Partypolitics99 · 11/09/2017 19:15

The two new members of staff also looked shellshocked. They had a kind of WTF have we got ourselves into face

OP posts:
Snausage · 11/09/2017 19:30

That sounds like grievance territory to me.

StarfishSeahorse · 11/09/2017 19:31

I'd bring this up with HR it seems she just wants any excuse to throw her weight around. It's not acceptable for her to humiliate staff in this way.

Ttbb · 11/09/2017 19:31

No, you were being a very considerate employee. You should report her to HR

KindleBueno · 11/09/2017 19:34

How disrespectful and patronising calling another adult insolent.

BellaNoche · 11/09/2017 19:35

Definitely put in a grievance to HR, lots of witnesses to what happened, and get your union official involved if you have one. This manager is the one who is unprofessional here.
Personally, I think you were doing your best to be helpful.

Glumglowworm · 11/09/2017 19:40

Yanbu, it was sensible to try and let business needs decide which of you stayed off. She was very unprofessional

DanHumphreyIsA · 11/09/2017 19:42

What you did sounds quite helpful actually. I'm obviously missing something but what did she actually think to be the problem with you asking?
If I've ever been in a similar situation, my boss has always said thanks for calling in and offered an alternative (shift/day etc) for me to do if I've asked so I honestly can't see what her predicament could have been?Confused

Original poster
Partypolitics99 · 11/09/2017 19:50

She just said I am not here to make a decision over which if you comes in.

Well ok yes but when either of us could come in I just thought it was best to ask which one of us would be the most useful I suppose and which projected needed to members of staff the most

OP posts:
gandalfspants · 11/09/2017 20:01

I worked with someone whose husband worked for the same company in a different department. They would always phone the manager in charge of both (actually up the chain a step from who they'd usually report to), to ask who would be best to come in if their DS was sick.

I think YWNBU and actually very considerate.

redexpat · 11/09/2017 20:38

I think that sounds very considerate of you. I think I would put in a grievance about being admonished in front of other employees.

redexpat · 11/09/2017 20:38

I think that sounds very considerate of you. I think I would put in a grievance about being admonished in front of other employees.

Nuttynoo · 11/09/2017 20:39

Sounds like your boss needs an official complaint. How she behaved was unacceptable.

PollyFlint · 11/09/2017 20:57

Your boss is absolutely barking mad.