Dad died earlier and Mum thinks I shouldn't need time off work.....is she right ?

[whatisforteamum]

For hrs Dad has been battling cancer.The last six weeks were awful for him and the last few days hard to watch.He died Lunchtime today.My new works policy is 5 days off then sicknote if still requiring leave for siblings partners parents etc.
I know my Mum has been by Dads bedside for weeks and us only the last few days but she shocked me by saying I shouldn't have time off.
I was close to Dad and live nearby.I don't feel emotional however expect it to hit me sometime.
Do I ignore what she said or go back and be accused of being a workaholic like everyone thinks I am.
I don't know what to think or feel.What did you do regarding the death of your loved one?

I'm sorry for your loss.

I would say to do what you feel you need to do. Personally, I wouldn't be at work.

Your mum just lost her husband and is grieving. I don't think you can put much stock in what she says right now. If she doesn't want you to be with her, then take some time and go away somewhere. You need space to grieve too.

I had a week off and really needed it. Please do it for your sanity. Your mum is probably overwhelmed now.

Your mum is probably in shock and perhaps having you there not doing your normal routine will be bringing it back home to her.

But should do what's best for you

I'm very sorry for your loss. Your poor Dad
Of course you should take time off if that is what you feel you need to do. It's not about what other people (even your Mum) think. You are fully entitled to your own feelings and to mourn the way you feel.
Some people do try and work through it to help them cope , but it might just be a case of burying their feelings.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

You should do whatever you want, it's not your mum's decision. She's probably just thinking she doesn't want you to get in bother at work. She's maybe (understandably) not thinking clearly.

I couldn't work for two weeks after a similar bereavement. I thought I could then ended up in tears at my desk, unable to do even the simplest of tasks.

Sorry to hear of your loss. It's an awful thing to go through. I would give yourself some time myself.

It seemed to affect me physically as well as mentally. Probably starting a few days after my df died.

My husband has just died under very similar circumstances. I collected my son from work the morning my husband died ( a week ago last Friday) but he went back to work on the Monday. He will be taking 3 days off for the funeral. I have been off work server all months as I took a leave of absence when my husband needed me at home. I will go back to work the week following the funeral.

My condolences on the death of your dad.

Everyone grieves differently, if you want to go to work then that's totally your choice. I did too. My dad died of cancer, I grieved more when I found out, towards the end I was relieved he wasn't suffering any more. I had periods of grief afterwards but it didn't stop my life.

Take time off if you need to. It's not your mum's decision.

If you need some time off, take some time off. Try not to be upset by anything offhand or unkind that she says at the moment. As a previous poster said she's grieving and people can say all sorts. You are grieving too and you need to take care of yourself. Everyone is different, I know I would need time off if I lost my dad whereas some maybe would prefer to get stuck into their work.
Sorry for your loss

Everyone grieves differently.

I lost my Dad to lung cancer in 2008. I nursed him so was fully prepared when he did die. That ending came as a kind of relief really, and though I grieved it didn't really 'hit' me as such as I'd come to terms with his death over his last few months and had chance to say all those thing I wanted to.

By contrast, my Mum died very suddenly and unexpectedly in January. That hit me incredibly hard. I took a week initially and went back, but found myself not coping and ended up taking some time off to deal with things.

The next few days will be hard. Telling people, organising things. Take the time if you can and see how you feel.
If you need someone to sound off to do PM me.

So sorry.

You feel what you feel. I had a very confusing bereavement a couple of years ago and that's what I took from it.
It really doesn't matter what anyone thinks you should be feeling or doing. Do what you feel you need to, and don't be afraid to change your plan if it isn't working for you.
You and your mum are going to need each other over the coming weeks and months, so just be kind to her, but also kind to yourself.
I'm so sorry for your loss

I'm very sorry about your dad
Only you know what you can manage and there's absolutely nothing wrong with taking time off. I had to be sedated and put to bed the day after mum died, I was a wreck.
Do what feels right to you and take whatever time you need.

I'm so sorry for your loss
It is entirely up to you and your employer what time you have off and when. It also depends on the type of job. When I have lost someone close I have had a few days working from home as I needed the distraction but didn't want to be around people. If I worked in a customer serving role I don't think I would have been in work.
There will be lots to organise and you may just feel exhausted so if you need time off take it

So sorry for your loss.

I would take the time off for sure.
I have had traumatic events happen and everyone expected me to work and carry on as normal. Not taking any time to deal with things messed me up majorly, and long-term. Take the time off.

I'm sorry for your loss. I had about a month off when my dad died. I basically waited until I wasn't on the brink of bursting into tears all the time. (I'm freelance so am usually working with strangers). Depending on how sympathetic your work is to any meltdowns you might have, you may find it easier to stay busy, though.

I'm sorry for your loss. It's 10 years today since my mum died very suddenly and I went back to work the next day. Although I did take some leave, of course, it simply anchored me back into some sort of reality in what was a very unreal situation at the time. Do what feels right for you and your mother.

So sorry for your loss and for others in here

Your mum is in shock and mine went a bit crazy for a few days

Do what you need to do and in the nicest way don't pay too much attention to it

Absolutely take the time off. Sorry for your loss. It is a profound and difficult experience watching a loved one die. With respect, id assume your mum wasn't in the best state of mind to question your decision.

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your Dad x

Please just do what feels right for you. People do and say things in grief which perhaps should not be said. I have experienced them too, along with other posters here.

Be kind to yourself and sincerest condolences x

Sorry for your loss.

When my dad died I was a mess for a week or two and couldn't work. Luckily work was very understanding and let me take all the time I needed, some as compassionate leave and some as sick leave.

Even if I could have worked I needed the time to help DM plan the funeral, tell people, visit the coroner, that sort of thing.

So sorry for your loss.

I work in a busy NHS dept and honestly most people have 2-3 weeks off after the death of a parent. There are no awards for going back to work early.

Take the time you need.

My dad died when I was 16, a couple of days before I started sitting my O levels. If I had had time to grieve and people to help me grieve and care for my emotional well being, it would have been a good thing. Do what you want to do. Your mum is distressed and not thinking straight.