Aibu?Husband says he doesn't fancy me now I'm 'a bit ginger'

[SleepMofo]

I don't know if iabu to be as upset as I am.

Background: always been quite a bright natural blonde until the birth of ds when it started growing through a weird mucky colour.

I tried highlights to brighten it up a bit but developed spots and sores so didn't want to attempt to dye it fully blonde.

Last night I tried a henna due and am quite pleased with the colour though it'll need a little tweaking.

I've been taken aback by the reaction from my husband. Obviously he is free not to like it but some of the thing he has said have really upset me.

He has said he is not attracted to blonde hair and he can't believe I've done it. That he wouldn't approach a ginger woman in a bar (hair is brown with a touch of red) and that he isn't a fan.

He then got grumpy when I refused to discuss it with him further and when I said it was MY hair.

Aibu?

i would say now ive got strawberry blonde hair im not sure im attracted you to any more either and walk off

Sorry I stepped away for a little while.

I did use the line

And I love my hair.

Not sure if there's some sexism here. It would be quite reasonable to "have a type" on here in terms of who we fancy. But men can't have the same? Obviously your love goes deeper than that but attraction is still a thing (see the beard comment above).

I think you can absolutely have preferences, everyone does, but if someone you love changes something to something you like a bit less, you just keep them to yourself.

So the person at the top of the page should also be criticised?

I think there are better ways to say what he did and sulking is clearly incorrect but he should be allowed to say he prefers a look. Not that she has to go with it (similarly if he grows a beard or shaves hair or whatever)

My nickname Ginger Blondecat came from the time I added henna to my natural light blonde hair. I came out Carrot Orange

Wasn't a good look I admit.

I currently hair lavender hair. I 'toned it' last night and it absorbed the the colour slightly

My hair hates me.

Well I think if he's saying he wants her to be blonde, when she tried going back to blonde and it caused her a sore head so she can't, is quite out of order. It's like "I know you can't change this but I want you to, and I'll never fancy you as much as I used to again because of it". It would make you feel rubbish. What was the point in saying it when she can't do anything about it? Unless he thinks she should suffer to be more attractive to him, which would also make him a dick.

(((((((((((Hugs)))))))) OP. He has NO F'n right to say or think what he did

I think you're both in the right. Your hair, do what you like with it. But he has every right to not bequite so physically attracted to you if you radically change your appearance. Attraction is instinctive not learned behaviour. If DH grew a beard I'd gag. I couldn't kiss him. The idea makes me feel sick, even though I adore him.

On behalf of redheads everywhere, I think I can safely say we'll get over his rejection.

I don't actually think it is Ok to say you don;t fancy someone any more because thier appearance has changed. Surely you fancy the whole person. What do these men do if their wife has an illness or accident that changes thier appearance - do they just bugger off? (Sadly Iknow the answert to that is yes in some cases).

I used to have a 'type' when I was much much younger, then I grew up. Nowadays my 'type' is kind, considerate, loving, trustworthy and loyal. Looks don't really come into it.

Buy him a blonde wig, stick a note on it saying 'fondle this' and go out and find yourself a nice bloke.

This is an alarming but early warning of what he'd be like in a crisis. Just imagine if your hair came out or you ended up in a wheelchair. LTB.

He married you in part because you're a blonde. Now you're not he's allowed to tell you he no longer finds you attractive

What the actual fuck???

Surely if you are attracted to someone enough to marry them, you are attracted to more than just fucking hair colour/style, otherwise that makes you one of the most shallow people on earth.

What about all the other changes a married couple will go through together??

People don't look the same for ever for fuck sake!

What about when she goes grey?

Puts on a bit of weight?

Gets the inevitable odd wrinkle and crows feet?

Is in an accident that changes her appearence??

Becomes ill?

What sort of a shallow, pathetic, childish prick thinks its ok to bae someones entire worth as a person on their fucking hair colour??

I have been through at least 8 hair colours and styles since being with DP, including shaving most of my head and dying it blue/pink/purple/green.
Why would he stop fancying some one he loved enough to have a child with, just for a hair colour change??

He sounds like a twat

would you still love him if his hair turned grey? or bold?

Or if he acted like a dick?

I actually think it could possibly be you look more attractive since dying it and he is jealous or threatened with the attention he think you will get now?

He's a twunt. My hubby often comments on the shade my hair is, some he likes and some less so - that is fine. I know he prefers coppery tones, I like the reds. At no time has he said he finds me less attractive coppery. I know he prefers long to short but I have cut into a bob at the moment as the long was driving me nuts. He was quite complementary about the current cut and color.
I prefer my hubby clean shaven - however if he chooses to be bearded or stubbled (he does sometimes) I don't say he has stopped being my type! (Although LO complains he is scratchy!)

I'd ignore your twunty husband and enjoy your new look. In fact next time do it extra gingery. I bet it looks lovely!

Wow he has such depth to his requirements in a mate ... he's a twat