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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu?Husband says he doesn't fancy me now I'm 'a bit ginger'

68 replies

SleepMofo · 11/09/2017 17:52

I don't know if iabu to be as upset as I am.

Background: always been quite a bright natural blonde until the birth of ds when it started growing through a weird mucky colour.

I tried highlights to brighten it up a bit but developed spots and sores so didn't want to attempt to dye it fully blonde.

Last night I tried a henna due and am quite pleased with the colour though it'll need a little tweaking.

I've been taken aback by the reaction from my husband. Obviously he is free not to like it but some of the thing he has said have really upset me.

He has said he is not attracted to blonde hair and he can't believe I've done it. That he wouldn't approach a ginger woman in a bar (hair is brown with a touch of red) and that he isn't a fan.

He then got grumpy when I refused to discuss it with him further and when I said it was MY hair.

Aibu?

OP posts:

SDaddy007 · 11/09/2017 18:30

Wait, you've voluntarily gone gwarr?

pictish · 11/09/2017 18:31

Of course, all the ginger women he wouldn't approach in a bar are gutted.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 11/09/2017 18:34

Sorry I meant he said he is 'only' attracted to blondes

and the response is that you're only attracted to decent people. What if your husband or wife suffered life changing injury or serious illness, does that mean you just up sticks and leave them to take their chances?

Of course he's entitled to voice an opinion, but it should be based on how your hair suits you and how you feel about it.

Patchouli666 · 11/09/2017 18:37

You are at the brightest orange of henna right now. It will mute and settle more in the next few days.

user1487689176 · 11/09/2017 18:37

Your husband does not view you as a person. I am very sorry.

gingergenius · 11/09/2017 18:38

It's ok lots of men think gingers are skanks. You're welcome to him! I get incensed at these sort of comments. Yes we all have our preferences but when did it become ok to be so openly brutal about someone's hair colour. Us gingers get it constantly. I bet you look lovely 😘

jaseyraex · 11/09/2017 18:39

He should be pleased you've found something you like! My hair went to shit after having my second son (natural ginger, your husband would hate me) and is like straw and very dull compared to what it used to be. He doesnt have to love the colour but he should love that you're happy and he can learn to love it. After all he loves YOU not your hair. At least he should but the comment about only fancying blondes is a bit of a dick move. What if, god forbid, your hair fell out due to illness? Would he still only fancy blondes? I'm sure there's more to you than your hair.

Polliver · 11/09/2017 18:42

I'm afraid that your husband is a bit of a ball bag. You have my sympathies.

ForagingForFaerieGold · 11/09/2017 18:45

As a ravishing redhead I'm.... relieved I'll never be chatted up by this pilllock.
Ok sorry. But seriously, I thought only serial killers had a "type". This was a seriously shitty way to behave. Very childish. Is he like this in other ways?
I don't like being called ginger (not relevant)

SilverySurfer · 11/09/2017 18:46

Tell him you don't fancy him now he's turned into an insensitive arse.

ForagingForFaerieGold · 11/09/2017 18:48

Oh and lots of guys find red hair very sexy. I should know lol. But I doubt they make a huge fuss about it. Can't see my DH deciding to ditch me if I go blonde or brunette.

babybubblescomingsoon · 11/09/2017 18:48

He shouldn't only be attracted to blondes op. He should only be attracted to YOU. And whatever you happen to be looking like. He is indeed an arse.

Coconutspongexo · 11/09/2017 18:49

What a dick!

My ex used to say he doesn't fancy gingers, despite the fact I'm a ginger, he was with me 10 years and when he fucked off when I was pregnant it's because he apparently didn't want ginger kids (son has black hair). Men are immature.

I bet you look amazing

lostincumbria · 11/09/2017 18:49

I demand you use FlyingGiraffeBox's reply.

Nuttynoo · 11/09/2017 18:57

You were blonde when you met. He married you in part because you're a blonde. Now you're not he's allowed to tell you he no longer finds you attractive. In the same way as if you'd gained three stones. What you do about his opinion is up to you.

user1497997754 · 11/09/2017 18:58

Tell him that you only fancy intelligent men......he obviously does not fit into that category.....and then tell him to piss off forever...

ForagingForFaerieGold · 11/09/2017 18:58

Tell him only fancying blondes will limit his options now that he's back on the market.

Urubu · 11/09/2017 19:31

I don't know, if DH shaved his hair or coloured them grey and then asked for my opinion I could say I am not attracted to men with no/grey hair, because it is true...
Of course I won't break up with him when his hair start to fall or turn grey, but I would be upset at him doing it on purpose.

guestofclanmackenzie · 11/09/2017 20:22

@dippingmytoesin

OMFG what a complete twat!!

I'm strawberry blonde and DH is too and our DC have inevitably got gorgeous red hair.

My eldest DS gets a lot of compliments on his hair (and also looks quite like Prince Harry)

My sympathies you came across such a twat!

justilou1 · 11/09/2017 23:37

I'd be telling him I'm only attracted to Chris Hemsworth lookalikes and he can get himself to the gym.

Seren85 · 12/09/2017 00:28

You need to stay away from my DH as he is a sucker for red or reddish or ginger hair! Your DH is an idiot. It is fine to have a preference, I'll be gutted when my DH eventually cuts his long hair but surely you're supposed to love someone and fancy them based on more than their hair once you get to the married and raising a family bit?! For reference, I'm perfectly aware that DH prefers my hair long and red. Over the years it has been various lengths and every colour from bright blonde to black that goes blue in the light and he has never said a word other than to be complimentary at the appropriate times.

Sashkin · 12/09/2017 00:43

Another redhead here who's relieved he wouldn't fancy me. DH only dates gingers, but he wouldn't care if I dyed my hair (we've discussed it, apparently it would be ok because I'd still be ginger underneath ).

What was he planning on doing when you go grey? Dumping you for a younger blonder model? He does realise that most people do? (Though ironically not redheads - we go strawberry blonde then white)

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/09/2017 00:47

As as blonde; the kind of arseholes who would chat me up because I was a blonde were not welcome.

HelenaDove · 12/09/2017 02:56

Nuttynoo I was 19 stone when i married DH I went up to 21 stone Im now 11 and a half stone.

See.........going by your logic i should put all that weight back on again if DH decided he preferred me bigger.

See how daft your comment was.

MrsOverTheRoad · 12/09/2017 03:31

I told my DH when he grew a big hairy beard that I didn't fancy him like that.

It was awful!

He was offended but did take it into account and so shaved it off.

Thank God!

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