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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Paying for own accommodation?

73 replies

Sunnyx · 11/09/2017 15:26

Need opinions on this...going to a wedding which is out of area and would need accommodation for one night. Bride and groom are requesting guests pay for their own accommodation which is £120 per room. I mean I understand that this is a lot for them to pay out themselves but this makes it quite an expensive wedding to attend - outfits, drinks, wedding present etc. Thoughts?

OP posts:

Slimthistime · 11/09/2017 16:09

Sunny " I wouldn't know if the bride had booked rooms for most guests so then I would feel obliged to pay for the expensive room so not leaving them with a huge bill! "

no one should do this without checking with you first. It is not your responsibility to pay for a room you didn't request. I have never been to a wedding where I could actually go home, I've always been invited to the arse end of nowhere and had to stay over. There is a horrible entitled expectation from some couples that you must stay in the room they booked without checking with you, but you don't have to give in to that nasty expectation!

ememem84 · 11/09/2017 16:10

we also gave our guests a list of suggested places they could stay - also varying prices. no one was obligated to stay anywhere we chose.

i'd just book somewhere for yourselves, and then let SIL know where you're staying. although do work out whether the cost of the room you book and taxi to and from the venue would be cheaper than the reserved room

Giraffey1 · 11/09/2017 16:11

I've never been invited to a wedding away where the birde/groom have paid for my accommodation.

welshweasel · 11/09/2017 16:11

We block booked all of the rooms (38) in the venue where we were getting married and in the invite said people were welcome to book them for £100 and also included a variety of other local B&Bs which were cheaper. We had to fill half the rooms but were confident that wouldn't be a problem. As it was all but one couple chose to stay at the hotel so we were fully booked! Just ask them where else there is nearby that you can look at.

RhiannonOHara · 11/09/2017 16:16

I think the rule is you pay for yourself unless you're in the wedding party.

Having said that, I do think it's a bit off of them to book you specific accommodation (without running it by you, I'm assuming?) and then turn round and ask you for the money, which might be more than you can or want to spend.

If you don't want to stay where they've booked, they'll probably be able to just give someone else one of the rooms and leave you to book your own.

TonicAndTonic · 11/09/2017 16:17

Agree with PPs that its normal to pay for your own accommodation when attending a wedding but they can't force you to stay anywhere in particular if you are paying! Even if they have block booked the rooms I'd be amazed if they'd actually paid for any of them up front, I think its more normal that the hotel just releases the unsold rooms to non-wedding guests after a certain date.
For a recent family wedding I went to, there was only one hotel listed on the invitation, but a quick google search revealed several nearby B&Bs that were only about half the price of the named hotel, so obviously we went for a B&B instead.

ChocolateRicecake · 11/09/2017 16:18

Friend once reserved rooms with a code - offered to all guests, so first come, first served. I discovered they didn't really get any discount and there were cheaper hotels nearby so booked somewhere else.

It is irritating when weddings are in an expensive place and there are no concessions, but just one of those things.

MotherofSausage · 11/09/2017 16:21

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

OddBoots · 11/09/2017 16:24

Sometimes the venues pressure the B&G to do this, sometimes the B&G do it to get a discounted rate for their guests, sometimes the hotel is likely to get booked out so the B&G do this so their guests don't miss out. You won't know which it is unless you talk to the B&G.

Unless the wedding hotel is a lot more expensive than a nearby alternative it is nice to have a room in the venue - nice to have a space to retreat to for a while if you need (I'm an introvert, sometimes I need a short breather) and it is nice to have breakfast with the family.

Doramaybe · 11/09/2017 16:24

I'd just stay at the hotel. £60 each is not that exorbitant, and when you factor in having to get a cab to another place, or not having a drink, and being able to escape upstairs for an hour if you want to, then it's worth it IMV.

But I understand that it may be expensive for you. I hope I am not coming across as arrogant here!

Every wedding I've been to in the last few years involved an overnight at the venue, none cost more than £100 including breakfast. Was easier to stay there than go down the road to save 20 or 30 quid TBH.

All accommodation costs covered by ourselves, never was lucky enough to go to a wedding with free rooms thrown in!

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 11/09/2017 16:27

We paid for 5 guest rooms which went to my family and then our friends who were on low-incomes. Everyone else we sent a list of prices for the hotel where we were getting married, and a list of all the local travelodges, premier inns etc.

I wouldn't expect to pay for everyone's accommodation, nor would I expect my accommodation to be paid for if I was a guest.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 11/09/2017 16:28

Our guests who stayed at our hotel did get discounted rates though, including breakfast, and it was less than £100.

sporadicrains · 11/09/2017 16:32

When is the wedding? Chances are the venue has suggested she reserved some rooms, and they are now waiting for confirmation.

NerrSnerr · 11/09/2017 16:34

We reserved rooms in the hotel and guests got a discount but no one was obliged to stay there. Just stay where you want to! It's your money. You're an adult and can decide and pay for where you stay.

RhubardGin · 11/09/2017 16:41

Completely normal.

You would always pay for your own accommodation unless otherwise stated.

When booking your venue most hotels will reserve a certain amount of rooms.

It's not cheeky or rude, I find your confusion over this rather bizarre to be honest.

RedToothBrush · 11/09/2017 17:00

Pretty sure they have paid for rooms upfront but expect guests to pay...so they are specifying where we are staying.

BIL and SIL tried this on us without asking first.

Its rude.

We stayed somewhere else cheaper because we could afford all the others things on top of £120 for a room and out of principle.

If the bride and groom want to do things like this, they should have the courtesy to check with people in advance or be prepared for people to make other arrangement.

RedToothBrush · 11/09/2017 17:04

I wouldn't even ask her. It would give her too much leeway to whine/persuade/badger/hector....

Just book whatever it is you want to do and inform her you won't be needing the hotel room of her choice.

This with bells on. Otherwise you'll get the emotional blackmail and bride strop.

Unless it was discussed before hand how much this would cost you, you are under no obligation to stay where you are told. That's the couple's problem.

Do what is right for you and what you can afford.

FuzzyCustard · 11/09/2017 17:05

I paid for my own room when I was mother of the bride. I'd never expect anyone (including my DD) to pay for me.

Sofabitch · 11/09/2017 17:07

Normal to pay for your own accomadation for a wedding.

But it shouldn't be expected that you will stay at the specific hotel.

Slimthistime · 11/09/2017 17:09

I'm with REd, don't ask her. Just decide what you want to do.

obviously keep in mind any cab costs, and the pros and cons. The pro of staying there is you might be able to escape the wedding during the wedding so to speak.

the con is that everyone else will be there.

obviously everyone will differ on whether these things are good or bad.

also don't ask the couple where the nearest alternative is, they might not tell the truth. I found a Premier Inn 2 minutes away from one wedding! Close enough to take a break from the wedding - but actually a whole bunch of other guests stayed there too because many of us were searching out somewhere cheaper after forking out for trains, petrol etc.

Chrisinthemorning · 11/09/2017 17:17

Of course you pay for your own accommodation. I have attended weddings in Greece and New Zealand as well as all over the UK- I paid for my own flights and bought them a present.
If you can't afford it send your regrets.

milliemolliemou · 11/09/2017 18:46

In my experience guests pay for accommodation but shouldn't be expected to subsidise the wedding so should have a choice of places to stay at all rates - some naice brides and grooms check places out and recommend everything for all level of incomes and provide taxi numbers.

The problem comes in rural UK when there's a wedding miles from anywhere and with taxis in short supply or non existent. Nice people book a bus and let people know the charge.
.

rookiemere · 11/09/2017 18:53

We're staying in the reception hotel when we go to our nephews wedding in a couple of weeks. Rooms are expensive but they have a slightly reduced rate because of the wedding.

Somewhat miffed to discover that no one else is staying there ( reduced rate is non cancellable) and are all at the premier inn down the road at less than half the price. But I suppose at least we won't need to worry about taxis and if I get bored I can slip off and blame needing to put DD to bed.

So it's not unreasonable that you pay for your own hotel room but equally as you're paying you stay at the hotel that suits you.

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